tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post8978245366588876056..comments2023-08-29T04:46:17.141-07:00Comments on Fantasia's World: The Wife's Boyfriend: Is He the Better Deal?Fantasiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18170496820218921972noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-47099066897589137102007-12-04T23:20:00.000-08:002007-12-04T23:20:00.000-08:00arabic id,nope.. sure we don't want that.. that's ...arabic id,<BR/><BR/>nope.. sure we don't want that.. that's why we gotta kick'em outta this blog for a start! <BR/>don't know how you look.. but piggy faces are all the same.Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-26681844090573328942007-12-04T06:22:00.000-08:002007-12-04T06:22:00.000-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.طارق هلالhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04029415904558114841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-48039301639837962232007-11-27T11:19:00.000-08:002007-11-27T11:19:00.000-08:00alien,it's always great to interact with you my fr...alien,<BR/>it's always great to interact with you my friend. you put things in a new perspective now, and that's the beauty of exchanging ideas. what you said won't be understood by the majority of people in egypt. women take it as a matter of fact that there is nothing so called as "male friend", especially after marriage. husbands would never accept discussing such a concept. what does a woman need a male friend for? what can he offer her that a female friend can't? nobody wishes to find real answers for these questions. they only want to object. it is not needed, it is not accepted.. that's all there is to say.<BR/>of course you can't ask a man to answer the same questions about his female friends. the answer is ready: "they're my sisters. but how can i trust another man or expect him to have the same look about my wife?" the answer is obvious.. if all men say the same, then it's not rare for them to treat female friends as sisters. but is anybody willing to listen or understand?<BR/>you know what? when we were young all girls used to call their male friends "boyfriend". it was taken for granted that each girl is allowed to have only one male friend.. don't know why? and he automatically becomes her boyfriend. coz our culture stresses the image of male/female relationship as only romantic or sexual. there is no friendship between different genders. so how can we fight against this common belief now?<BR/>if we lived in a normal society, things would have been much more easier dear alien. but we are stuck with the status quo. and this is the best i could come up with according to the existing situation.<BR/>wonderful insights, and a different reading of the problem which can only come from a real human. why can't all men become aliens?Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-20596690774991557202007-11-27T11:00:00.000-08:002007-11-27T11:00:00.000-08:00dearest agenda,your presence always lights up the ...dearest agenda,<BR/>your presence always lights up the comments section. thank you dear for your care and encouragement. it's you who never cease to amaze me actually. i still can't get your story out of my mind, i keep hearing the microbus driver and i find myself so angry at him and his likes. not just that of course, your blog covers a wide variety of topics and bold material. very inspiring. <BR/>i liked so much the warning you included in your comment, concerning the unplanned developments which take place in those relationships. it is something i had pointed to, but i was hoping to stress more while discussing the post. most women trust their calculations, espically when they are aware of the dangerous nature of what they wish to do. their calculations work perfectly in the beginning, which gives them more confidence. i often heard a wife showing off that she ended a relation with one of them once he started getting personal or clingy. and i always try to explain that it is not because she has a solid will or power to stick to her limits.. but because the guy himself wasn't that difficult to get rid of. she wasn't attached to him, or let me say addicted. therefore i am never surprised when the same woman comes to confess that she was not as strong as she thought or that things are getting out of hand. you can never help falling in love, espcially when you don't have feelings for your spouse. chemistry is invincible, especially for wives who suffer from emotional deprivation. <BR/>i also wanna thank you for drawing attention to the oral nature of our society. people like talking about the private lives of others, it is an all time favorite topic for gossip. so your words "we r living in a small world where words travel like fire" are so true and must always be put into consideration. how can this woman be sure that her virtual friend is not spreading all kinds of rumors about their relationship, or making up stories to brag among his friends?<BR/>very important points being raised here, and i thank you for them dear agenda.Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-39307778471857244372007-11-27T10:37:00.000-08:002007-11-27T10:37:00.000-08:00dear hassan,so touched by your encouragement and w...dear hassan,<BR/>so touched by your encouragement and words of priase. you are a brave soldier fighting on many fronts, and i can't help but cheer you all the way. i know how busy you must be. so i won't be pushy, provided that you drop me a line every now and then. just tell me how well (or how bad) i'm doing. it means a lot to me. <BR/>you have a point in disagreeing, although i wasn't suggesting a pattern to be followed. it was more like getting a full idea about what a future spouse is stepping into. but you are right. the complexities of human nature along with the deep rooted traditions and shallow culture prevent this strategy from achieving its best results. well, let's say that the advice is there for whom it may concern. even if those concerned are a minority. <BR/>blessed by your visit, and wishing you best luck with your revolutions and riots :)Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-3501251175544613432007-11-27T01:06:00.000-08:002007-11-27T01:06:00.000-08:00i do respect that because we all need someone to l...i do respect that because we all need someone to listen, someone to talk to, someone who feels and cares. but why you call him a boyfriend? i think what we and they (wives) need is a friend. a true friend that will really be there when we need him/her.<BR/><BR/>i agree with you that this is how it always starts, and also agree about how it ends. the problem is that finding a true friend is very hard. specialy for women here in egypt. a true male friend is very rare. the majority of men will ask for more. <BR/><BR/>i want to tell you something i do know about what happens here after marriage, all the husband's friends stay as they are, including males and females while the wife's male friends disappear.<BR/><BR/>our society does not allow women to have male friends, so women have to hid it specialy during marriage. secrets are never good with marriage, it is the start of the end.The Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15673578952275105242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-5015681957980324332007-11-26T23:16:00.000-08:002007-11-26T23:16:00.000-08:00my dearest fantasiafirst of all i missed u and mis...my dearest fantasia<BR/><BR/>first of all i missed u and missed interacting with u and your interesting issues<BR/>im sure u will excuse me for my absence<BR/><BR/>i hope also u r doin fine my dear<BR/><BR/><BR/>this issue u r presenting is very important<BR/><BR/>i stopped at the part when u said usually those wives start to talk about their problems when they go beyond repair<BR/><BR/>it is true<BR/><BR/>i think also that those wives who tend to have boyfriends in their lives lack a good communication way with their own husbands ,so they shift to another someone who can give them more attention<BR/><BR/>i agree with u,it doesnt mean they r cheating on their husbands but maybe at the very beginning but sooner or later when a person finds someone giving them attention,care their emotions can shift to them and it can rock the marriage they wanted to save<BR/><BR/>let us agree fantasia that nobody can give from their attention to another someone just for pure sake,those might be present i dont wanna generalize it but the majority my dear r not like this<BR/>they can be all caring and loving and then all of a sudden unintentionally they fall for them it is human nature<BR/><BR/>sure the husbands wont agree on this that their wives have a boyfriend specially if they r of a specific life standard although we cant generalize this also<BR/>some husbands agree that they have a common friend in the family <BR/><BR/>personally i think if there is a problem with my partner i should talk with her and discuss it together ,i have been burnt by gossips and stuff and we r living ina small world where words travel like fire and anything kept between two if any of them confessed it it is not a secret any more<BR/><BR/>i agree with your opinion fantasia,if at one time someone finds his marriage on the rocks they should sit and talk about it and never invest a relationship inside a marriage ,this is like a pain killer u know it wont completely irredicate the pain but will alleviate it<BR/><BR/>such a strong post as usual fantasia<BR/>u never fail to amaze me,thank u for the wonderful post and sorry for being late<BR/>:)best regards to u my dearAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-88338343259267040692007-11-25T20:42:00.000-08:002007-11-25T20:42:00.000-08:00My dear Fanta, I have been an addict reader and an...My dear Fanta, I have been an addict reader and an admirer of your ideas and writings for a long time... but probably was too overwhelmingly busy fighting my battle with the rest of the world and trying to start a revolution here and a riot there to give a sign of life!!!<BR/><BR/>Your writings are so loaded and rich that it takes a special mood or rather a state of mind to even comment on them.... a luxury i hardly can afford... but I promise to make the extra effort...<BR/><BR/>I do, however, disagree with you about the availability of the "secret formulas" and the use of the old records... this is not a simple mathematics or physics... humans are much more complicated than that and you would never get the same results following a pattern with different people.<BR/><BR/>my respectHassan El Helalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01616891886013799372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-53887254130223148082007-11-25T17:49:00.000-08:002007-11-25T17:49:00.000-08:00hassan el helali,welcome for the first time on my ...hassan el helali,<BR/>welcome for the first time on my blog. such a pleasant surprise and i hope it is just the beginning for more visits. <BR/>i can see that you want to start a revolution here:) so far i consider myself among those who work on reform from within.. within (you name it) any current system. what you are suggesting here though can only be discussed in the year 3000. i don't think i can make it till then, so i can only hope that people can come up with a more successful solution.<BR/>however, i don't see marriage as an institution to be a failure by default. any institution can do a good job if it had a sound management. needless to say, our management systems are .... mmm.. a big, huge, swollen, utter.. fiasco. yeah, that's it. <BR/>for 3 consecutive posts i've been harping the same melody, hoping to reach as many ears as possible. i wanted to show everybody where the problem is. it's the people who enter this institution for the sake of being there, that's it. i believe that men and women don't need to improvise any more, they just need to learn enough about marriage before they decide to seal the knot. the records are there. the secret formulas are already discovered. but people go on through life without looking around them. everything is governed by chaos, even personal lives and relationships. that's the problem.<BR/>so happy to interact with you here. hope you enjoyed reading my humble posts.Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-32975389037463272112007-11-25T09:46:00.000-08:002007-11-25T09:46:00.000-08:00jasmin,welcome back :) i'm glad you're filling you...jasmin,<BR/>welcome back :) i'm glad you're filling your place once again here and providing us with a different perspective. what you said about the critical position of women is exactly why i am completely against passing any moral judgements. if those women had the advantage of free choice, only then can i say that what they are doing is wrong. but in fact they don't have any possible alternatives. why should a woman be destroyed if she wants to end her marriage? isn't it human nature that people disagree? <BR/>i was moved to write an advice to these women because i am probably among the very few who can understand their motives and feel their suffering. others would only condemn them, which makes matters even worse. people refuse to treat each other as human. the strict rules of right and wrong blind them to see any human experience worthy of sympathy or mere understanding. <BR/>i can't call such relationships "harmless" for they truly harm the wives who get involved in them. they ethical dilemma and feelings of guilt tear them apart. add to that the shameful nature (socially) of their secret. they can't open up or seek advice without being condemned. so i wanted them to know that as long as they are not comfortable with their lives they have to face their problems instead of escaping them.<BR/>i thank you so much for your sensitive and sypathetic standpoint. and i share your hope in positive change. societies have not be braver than their individuals and care to guarantee a sound environment where families can be safe and happy.<BR/>keep in touch dear jasmin. i care so much to know your opinion.Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-35838553958185610842007-11-25T09:15:00.000-08:002007-11-25T09:15:00.000-08:00egy anatomist,i can't thank you enough for all thi...egy anatomist,<BR/>i can't thank you enough for all this praise. it is great that you prefered to postpone your judgement of my aims until you formed a complete image, as opposed to others who concentrate on attacking me once they see any point of difference in what i write. yet, allow me to say that you deprived me of my right to read your intelligent comments and exchange views with the knowlegable person that you are during this past time, ever since you started reading my posts. i thus hope that this comment would be the first among all the postponed reflections that you had.<BR/>i agree with you on almost everything you said. i understand that women conditions in any society are bound by a number of factors, not only male domination or cultural bias.<BR/>still, i strongly believe that we shouldn't let time and history take care of our current problems. the movement of history tends to be very slow, and if all societies had given up to its pace, humanity wouldn't have achieved half of what it reached today. there are always a few radicals everywhere, who are ready to take it upon themselves to push forward this slow process. those radicals (although i prefer to call them thinkers) have got a clear insight into the future and are able to lead others who don't possess the same talent. in fact, i believe that this is their duty.. a duty which they must perform.. a responsibility dictated by their talent and active spirit. <BR/>men do suffer.. and all that we ask for is to have an equal share of suffering with them. let us all face the same challenges together and let each contribute what he or she can do to reduce this suffering. but a cycle of oppression can continue for eternity, decreasing our hope in time's possible remedy. change rarely comes from above. it is a stroke of luck. and we shouldn't place our future in the hands of luck.<BR/>same thing goes with extra-marital relationships. if men find themselves in a position where they are forced to search for an alternative source of emotional satisfaction, then women who resort to this choice should be at least doubled 10 times. but reality shows the opposite. although the number of women who involved in such relationships is increasing, yet we can not compare them to the number of men doing so. again i say, let us be equal in our access to divorce. then whoever resorts to such relationships is to be blamed. <BR/>i hope you agree with me that families which continue with their lives under these conditions produce a deformed generation. when each spouse finds satisfaction in any alternative form outside the family, they stop investing into the family. so their children are not expected to be the happiest on earth. on the contrary, they are negatively affected by the coldness at home as well as the secretive aspects of their parents.<BR/>everybody is tortured for no logical reason. we introduce more victims into our tragedies by insisting to keep an empty frame for a family which does not exist. husbands who have relationships have the alternative of 2nd, 3rd, and 4th marriages. but most of them prefer temporary affairs for financial reasons. a wife's financial rights is the only obstacle between men and divorce or remarrying. i believe it can be fair enough if we gave up our financial rights on the condition that no restrictions would be placed on our right to get divorced. in such a way we can guarantee that couples stay together without being forced. i believe this is the bottom line for any human and healthy comitment.<BR/>looking forward to more interaction. and i'd like to express my admiration for your writing style and witty analysis. you have a very different blog that if full of meaningful substance. regards.Fantasiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08461909070546227094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-14077746258605993352007-11-24T13:56:00.000-08:002007-11-24T13:56:00.000-08:00FantaIt is a proven fact that mankind is not monog...Fanta<BR/><BR/>It is a proven fact that mankind is not monogamist by nature. He was forced into it by a set of rules that were backed by what they told him were morals, ethics and religions.<BR/><BR/>We see everyday proves of the failure of the marriage institution but we keep on ignoring them for obvious reasons.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, no other acceptable solution has been invented yet, so, till then, man (and woman) will keep on improvising!!!Hassan El Helalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01616891886013799372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-66983097928761241262007-11-22T16:02:00.000-08:002007-11-22T16:02:00.000-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3979841962529989545.post-36879906836959341102007-11-22T10:19:00.000-08:002007-11-22T10:19:00.000-08:00أقرأ لك منذ فترةوالحق أني ترددت كثيرا في التعليق ع...أقرأ لك منذ فترة<BR/><BR/>والحق أني ترددت كثيرا في التعليق على ما تكتبيه<BR/><BR/>فبرغم اعجابي اللامتناهي بطريقة تفكيرك المنظمة.. وعمق رؤيتك التحليلية.. وموهبتك الأدبية الأصيلة التي تجعل من لغة المقال وصوره متعة في حد ذاتهم تستحق الاستماع والمشاهدة.. ورغم اتفاقي مع الكثير من أفكارك وشعوري باتفاقي مع جوهر قضيتك<BR/><BR/>إلا إنني انتظرت حتى أحاول أن أفهم تحديدا رؤيتك لكيفية حل المشاكل التي تفوقتي في عرضها وبرعتي في تحليلها<BR/><BR/>وأظن أن مقال اليوم يحسم الأمر بالنسبة لي<BR/><BR/>أنا لا أختلف معك في توصيف أي من مشاكل المرأة في مصر وبلاد العرب وأحيانا كثيرة في ثقافات الشرق.. وأيضا لا أستطيع أن أغفل مشاكل المرأة في أكثر البلاد تقدما علميا واقتصاديا وتحررا فكريا.. فالمرأة في أفضل الأحوال سلعة لها ثمن في بلاد الغرب.. والتركيز على جسدها ربما يكون من أربح الصناعات.. وفي بلاد الشرق فهي سلعة بلا ثمن أو بثمن بخس.. وفي الحالتين هي "حالة".. "كيان".. شئ مختلف له معاملة خاصة ومختلفة<BR/><BR/>المشكلة في رأيي تتلخص في طريقة الحل.. فأنا أرى الحل يقوم على ثلاثة أعمدة: أولهما إصلاح ظروف الاقتصاد والسياسة للدولة بأسرها وثانيهما إصلاح ما شوهته قرون السيطرة الأبوية الشرقية في عقل الرجل ثم يأتي دور المرأة ونيلها لحقوق إنسانية لا تحتاج لمطالبة<BR/><BR/>المرأة هي الضحية.. فهل أترك الجاني وأطلب من الضحية إصلاح حالها<BR/><BR/>الزوجة التي تحيا في مسارين عاطفيين لا يتقاطعان هي حالة شائعة جدا وتتزايد خاصة في الطبقات الأعلى في المجتمع<BR/><BR/>وتحليلك لأسباب ذلك ودور الخوف من الطلاق سليم ومتبصر ونافذ وأحييك عليه<BR/><BR/>لكن أيضا الرجل يعاني من نفس المشكلة<BR/>هو أيضا في أحوال كثيرة لا يفضل الطلاق أو لا يقدر على أعبائه ماديا ويعاني من زوجة لا تتواصل معه وتنشغل عنه من وجهة نظره ويرى أن لا فائدة منها فهي لا تشعر به ولا تفهمه لا تشاركه أفكاره وأحلامه وكأب لا يريد إيذاء أبناءه أو لأي أسباب أخرى فهو لا يريد الطلاق.. وبالتالي يقع في نفس المسار الموازي ويلجأ لصديقة خفية ربما تكون متزوجة هي الأخرى ويشبع معها احتياجات عاطفية وفكرية أحيانا عبر الهاتف فقط أو الانترنت مقتنعا أن ما يفعله هو قمة التضحية والصبر والحفاظ على بيته وأولاده بل وأمهم<BR/><BR/>من مخطئ ومن ليس مخطئا<BR/><BR/>الجميع مخطئون<BR/><BR/>من أول النظام الطبقي الأبوي الرأسمالي اللي سايد في العالم من قرون ومستحيل تغييره إلا بالزمن وآلاف السنين الأخرى<BR/><BR/>لغاية ما يفرضه هذا النظام من قيم مجتمعية وأدوار لأعضاءه ونظم اجتماعية وتقاليد وعادات <BR/><BR/>وما تشكله هذه القيم والعادات والتقاليد والأدوار الاجتماعية من ضغوط على الأفراد جميعا للتصرف بطريقة محددة تخدم غرض النظام الطبقي الأبوي <BR/><BR/>ويأتي أخيرا الرجل ككائن منسحق تحت وطأة هذه الضغوط التي تفوق قدرة أي شخص رجل أو إمرأة على مقاومتها إذ أنها تسحق بلايين البشر عبر التاريخ.. فيستجيب الرجل للدور المطلوب منه مجتمعيا ويتميز فيه من اجل الحصول على مكانة جيدة وسط أقرانه<BR/><BR/>ثم آخر المسحوقين هي المرأة التي تحمل كل ما سبق فوق كتفيها فتنهار انهيارا تاما ومع الوقت تتكيف معظم النساء وتبدأ في ممارسة الدور المطلوب بحب وطاعة واخلاص ورضا وقناعة بل وينتقدن الرجل الذي لا يقوم بدوره المجتمعي بكفاءة ويسخرن منه ويفضحنه على الملأ كما يرفضن بشراسة محاولات بعض بني جنسهن ممن كشفوا سلسلة الرق والاستعباد الجهنمية المستمرة منذ آلاف السنين<BR/><BR/>أشكر جدا نصيحتك الغالية السديدة في آخر المقال.. فالأهم للانسان رجلا أو امرأة هو نفسه أو نفسها.. إذا كسبت العالم وخسرت نفسها فإنها ما كسبت شيئا وخسرت كل شئ<BR/><BR/>أتمنى أن تقبلي تحياتي الصادقة لعقلك الحر ومشاعرك الصادقة وضميرك اليقظ وروحك العادلة وريشتك الساحرة <BR/><BR/>تحياتي واحتراميegy anatomisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00270969853689012895noreply@blogger.com