Natural Born Feminist

Being an Egyptian feminist never fails to show you its ugly face.. or to be more frank, this is almost the only face you will meet ever since people decide to "honor" you with this "label". Once you get known as such, get ready to be bashed with all kinds of questions (a polite word for "accusations") like "Why do you hate men?.. Don't you think you are exaggerating?.. Do you want us to live like they do in the West?.. Are you married? " and (quoting the King of Siam) et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

The stereotype for a feminist assumes a certain scenario which goes as follows.. She was brought up in a miserable family, having to wash the dishes and cater drinks to her male brother.. Her father was probably a harsh man who used to beat her day and night, or deserted his family when she was young.. She probably was heartbroken in love, or met a man who cheated on her.. She's an envious spinister.. most probably her looks aren't good enough to attract men's attention... et certera, et cetera, et cetera.

Well, I'm always sorry to disappoint those who carry this sort of pathetic stereotype and trust so much. But, first of all, I'd like to say that I don't like to be called a feminist.. not because I became ashamed of the fabricated qualities associated with this term, or that it has grown notorious in our society.. but because it fails to express my aims and what I really seek to do. You cannot sum-up Fantasia in mere "feminist." That will not be an accurate description. I'd rather be called a "myth-slayer or a "folklore-deconstructor".. for that is what I actually do. If you would like to add the term"feminist" before either of them, though, it is absolutely fine by me.

Growing up with all those familiar accusations from people who try so hard to prove that I fit into their stereotype of that thing called "Feminist," has, nevertheless, caused me to reflect more on why I was different.. and to rephrase it according to pop culture, it would be "what was wrong with me?" Again, I apologize for disappointing them all, for I have discovered that nothing was wrong with me. And check this out.. I found out to be one of the rare cases of those who don't fight against nature. I am in complete harmony with who I naturally am and what my primary instincts dictate! People like me may be considered to be rare species in our world, but I believe I am just one among many, whom you might well call "Natural Born Feminists." Please allow me to elaborate, using my diary.

1. The Day I Broke My Doll:

I grew up in a loving, traditional Egyptian family. My parents, like all others, loved me so dearly, and thought that showing this love would be through grooming me into what society would expect a girl to be. As a kid, I didn't understand it, and I thought the role of parents was to prevent their children from doing what they wanted. For instance, when the Legos I had received as a gift for my birthday suddenly disappeared, I thought the purpose was to deprive me of my favorite toy. However, I later discovered that my mom was hiding them away because she didn't like to see me playing a "boys' game", besides the mess that the scattered pieces of Legos cause. Instead, she got me a Barbie doll, only to find it broken into pieces the next day. She thought I hated this particular doll, so she brought me a new one; and when its fate showed to be no better than the first, my mom didn't give up.. She kept showering me with loads of dolls, never having pity on them, even when she sees them, one by one, ending up as plastic spare parts. I told her that that was my way of playing with dolls, but she insisted that I should use them to play another game.. pretending that they were real people, combing their hair and dressing them and stuff. When nothing seemed to work, she complained to my father that I spoiled my dolls, and thus was unworthy of any more toys. What my mom couldn't understand was that not all girls love to play with dolls. Kids differ.. not according to their gender, but according to their characters, abilities and preferences. And what I didn't understand was her presistence that I play with a "dummy" (in the full sense of the word).

2- The Screwdriver:

As a kid, I hadn't known that exhibiting your talents was scary. I thought that parents would be proud of what their young ones could do, and should encourage them to be more curious and learn more about the world. I thought that being independent was a bless, not a curse.. and that showing everyone that you were able to do things on your own was worthy of applause. Oh how green I was! [sigh].. Anyway, I used to show off my skills in front of adults, especially my parents, with best of intentions.

One day I brought a screwdriver and started to unscrew our cassette-recorder to explore what lies inside. Yet, my dad made me feel as if this recorder was a bomb that would explode if I touched it! Needless to say, this didn't prevent me from seeking after what I wanted. A kid's mind is designed to be curious, constantly seeking after knowledge.. you can't stop this automatic mechanism just because you fear that a stupid machine will get out of order! So, I waited for the time when I was home alone, and I would get my dad's tools and open all of the electric machines at home, one by one, and I would take out the pieces inside, carefully remembering where each piece belonged, then see if I could assemble them all again in the same order. I applauded myself when I succeeded, since there was nobody present to witness this achievement. And when my parents came home, and turned on that same device, I would keep saying to myself "If only you saw it one hour ago!" and experience a sort of evil kind of joy :)

Years later, when our VCR went out of order, I couldn't keep myself from helping my dad who seemed so frustrated. I begged him to allow me to take my shot at repairing it. Of course, he was totally against it, but when I told him there was nothing to lose and that the technician was going to repair it anyway, he seemed to have been too tired already that he let me do it. He couldn't believe it when I actually fixed it! But I never confessed to him my long hidden secret. Up till today, my family depends on me when it comes to installing or fixing electric devices. They are satisfied to think it is a miracle, and I no longer seek to disturb their peace of mind.

3- A Lesson Well-Learned:

Being a female, you can not be proud that you're talented or that you're smart. People won't admire you for it.. but will treat you as an abnormality instead.. a lamb that has lost its way and should be guided back to her flock, or forced to do so against her will if necessary. In a society like ours, you learn that a woman and a smart brain do not meet.. that it is OK for women to be dependent, because that's what men are made for. Only a man is allowed and encouraged to be independent, while a woman is brought up to be weak and vulnerable. Shall any girl show any sign of being smart or having ambition, she must be knocked down, for fear that she might disturb the balance of the universe! Hence, a smart man impresses you, while a smart woman freaks you out. A strong man wins your admiration and respect, while a strong woman makes you reach for your gun. That's what an artificially-fabricated social order does to us. We invent molds, we shape our young to fit into those molds, pushing and squeezing them throughout their lives to enter their boxes of what we decided to be "masculine" or "feminine," feeding them all about the "division of roles" and other myths of our invention.

By now, you should have figured out what I meant by saying that I am more in harmony with who I naturally am than the majority who consider themselves to be the norm. We are all born equal, but outside forces stand against our natural evolution, preferring to turn us into puppets, playing roles according to a pre-written scenario.. even if it is against our humanity, and even if it defies mere logic. Yet, what's worse than all that is the brainwash process that we are subjected to throughout our lives.. the brainwash that leads generation after generation to accept such ideas and in turn implant them into their offspring. Thus, the vicious cycle continues to produce people who basically spend their lifetime fighting against their nature. And unfortunately, there is a huge machinery backing-up this false system.. it's everywhere (TV, magazines, commericals, schools, universities, laws, etc.) .. and patriarchs have always been careful to keep all its keys under their control.

Societies, in any time or place, would have never moved a single step forward if it were not for the few who refuse to give in to such mutilation. All of us were born feminists.. yes, all of us.. boys and girls.. we were all born equal and we wanted to remain as such. Feminists are believers in equality and justice. And if anyone considers that to be wrong, or strange, or bad, then s/he would better look and see where they stand. As for me, I shall forever remain happy and proud to be guilty of feminism.

Girls Need Modems

Yup! They defintely do. I've recently stumbled upon this amazing research paper by Krista Scott while surfing the net, and I immediately realized that she had clearly spoken my mind.. in a detailed, in-depth and highly organized manner.

In her masters thesis, Scott explains the advantages of female self-publication on the Web.

"The self-publication potential of the Net is one of the main reasons which creators cite as advantageous, since it allows for rhetoric and content which is unmediated by publishers, editors, or the like. Self-publication lends itself to a perception of immediacy, in that readers/users are more likely to feel that they can interact with ezine creators to those whose thoughts apparently are laid bare on the screen."

Hence the title "Girls Need Modems".. Before the internet, female voices were too feeble.. scarcely heard. And society kept pilling up restrictions on female writings in such a way which made publishing an almost impossible dream for women. They found many hands volunteering to shut them up, while they hardly ever found a helping hand that was willing to encourage them to express themselves, unleash their talents or exhibit their intellectual power.

In the beginning, cyberspace was not really promising. It was totally controlled by men.. Staying up all night programming, designing, entering codes, and publishing their own content. Yet, by time things have amazingly changed.. And in some cases even it may seem that tables have turned. Women stepped in so powerfully and made the best they could out of this new tool.

Female activity on cyberspace has exceeded the phase of being merely an outlet for expression and creativity.. Nowadays, one can actually say that the internet has given lots of girls a place to become actively involved with social and political issues.. Things that they would rarely, if ever, have had the chance to participate in! Moreover, the existence of multiple accessible self-publishing tools like blogs, forums, instant messaging.. etc, has allowed women who would not normally speak up on touchy issues to really dig in and find out what they believe and what they want to fight for. It is a haven for free thought, a place to meet like-minded people, get involved with activities and organizations, and write about how we feel as women in the world today.

But how many girls are lucky enough to enjoy that "luxury" in Egypt? That is the sad face that we gotta confront now. The number of Egyptian girls who publish online has got to increase. They need encouragement and support. They need a wave of gurus to teach them how to break out of their silence and realize that it is time for them to speak up.

Women issues has got to be addressed by women.. that's a fact. And girls who enjoy the freedom of owning their own voices online have got a major role to play in the battle for retreiving their freedom in the real world. With freedom comes responsibility. And each one of us out there.. each one who has managed to grab a piece of this cyberspace.. has got a responsibility towards the millions of other girls who haven't got the same opportunity. Believe me, there are millions who count on us. And I sincerely hope that we wouldn't let them down.

Female Bloggers Unite! Girls Online Unite! Let's do our best to make a change. We are lucky inividuals who have got a chance to rewrite history. We CAN do it. We are able to expand the horizon for millions of girls out there, if we only BELIEVE. The future of generations to come lies in our own hands.. RIGHT HERE.. RIGHT NOW.

Guilty of Feminism

When exactly did feminism become a dirty word?

Ever since I started blogging angry guys used to shoot the word feminist at me as if it was an insult! Hell, what? So, I am a feminist.. Why does it make you mad? And why the heck do you suppose that calling me a feminist would hurt me in any way? In fact, I am happy to be called a feminist. I wish I was a real feminist (being a women rights activist). Being labelled a feminist is a big honor. Would you be pissed off if people pointed at you in the street and said "Hey, this is someone who believes in human rights"? I suppose not. So, what makes those men assume that calling me a feminist would be counted as a negative remark?

In my attempt tp search for an answer, I remembered a very old incident. My colleagues had arranged an outing (including family members and friends) and it was really huge, we occupied half the restaurant where we met. One of my colleagues had been recently engaged and her fiance came along with her. The guy was so full of himself. He would fit perfectly in the category I previously described in "Your Guide to Dating an Egyptian Man" as Mr. Know-it-all.

Casual talk started until bit by bit they developed into discussions. Of course this guy couldn't miss the chance of having such a big audience, and he was determined to be the star. He started commenting on every single thing being said. I just kept observing him and was feeling satisfied that I was entertained for free (as the food served was not good enough for my taste). After about an hour, the stage became totally his. Many of those who were talking gave up because they didn't want to get embarrassed. He just kept saying "You are wrong" to anyone who disagrees with his opinions about anything.

Usually when the situation sinks into this boring phase I focus on making a polite exit. I was calculating what I had ordered to get ready to leave, when I heard this annoying guy talking about the deteriorating morality in our today's society. According to his genius analysis, the reason was that nowadays mothers go to work and are not spending enough time with their children. At that point I didn't bother saying anything, cause I thought others will take care of that. Just get me out of here for God's sake. To my amazement, nobody did. I found myself saying "You are wrong". He gave me this look of "and who the hell would you be?" but I just looked him in the eye and told him about all the social, political and economical factors behind declining morality. All those who were silent were now cheering. I could see that his ears were about to smoke, and instead of trying to convince me of his point of view, he just gave me a suspicious look and said "Are you a feminist?"

Me (laughing my head off): I believe in feminism, yes.

Him(looking puzzled): So, that makes you a feminist.

Me: Not necessarily. Not all of those who believe in feminism are feminists, but certainly all feminists believe in feminism.

Him(seriously staring): What's this? Philosophy?

Me (sensing the growing tension): Well, philosophy does involve logical thinking, but no, I did not intend to sound philosophical.

Him(cunning smile): You are a feminist. Don't deny it.

I will never forget the way he said it. It was as if he discovered a communist at the time of Sadat. I didn't really bother then. He seemed ignorant enough and I hate wasting my time on those people. But I remembered this now after I received all of "you are a feminist" comments. Well, I carry the label with all dignity. I am not ashamed of the sticker you tagged on me. And let me from now on be "Fantasia the Feminist". What a lovely name! Thanks for the title guys.

A Must Read

THE FEMININE MISTAKE: Are We Giving Up Too Much?
By Leslie Bennetts

“The Feminine Mistake” is an energetic call to mothers to stay in the work force and earn their own living — or suffer the consequences. It's been featured in the New York Times Bestsellers' list.

Bennetts rallies numbers and logical reasons to her cause:

1. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and while a man’s standard of living actually rises after divorce, a woman’s falls.

2. The average age of widowhood is 55. Women live longer than men, yet typically have far less money for retirement.

3. Even a brief timeout reduces a mom’s earning power.

4. Child-care concerns fade as quickly as children grow up, but lost career momentum is gone forever.

As Bennetts asks, “If your husband divorces you or drops dead, was it really such a great idea to stay home if you can’t afford to buy groceries to feed your kids?”
This ambitious book sets out to replace choice feminism (the revisionist view that says as long as women are happy with their decisions about balancing work and motherhood, it doesn’t matter what those decisions are) with the ethos that giving up paid work is not just another legitimate option among many, but a serious error. Bennetts hopes to sidestep the emotion that has dominated the debate and persuade women to change this self-destructive behavior.

I certainly hope to see a book like this on the Egyptian Market. We truly need to help women resist the societal pressure which drives them to quit their jobs.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back!

No, it's not a new dance routine.. It's the situation of women nowadays. For every step we take forward, we move two steps back.

Scene 1:

There was a time when Egyptian women had their position in every facet of life. Now, we are arguing basic things like women's work. The next thing you see is some crazy person coming out to say that a woman should breastfeed her male colleagues to be able to share the office with them! What kind of sick mind is this? Why are many clerks obsessed with women and sex?

Scene 2:
Not so long ago women used to go to college wearing miniskirts and sleeveless blouses without being subjected to any kind of harassment. They received due respect from everybody. They rode public transportation. They walked in the streets. They mingled healthily with their male colleagues. Nobody dared to criticise them even! Now, it is not enough that you dress moderately, you have to cover your hair too, and still expect to be harassed at any time, not only verbally, but physically also! And if you complain, it is always your fault. You encouraged him, you like being harassed. Why did you leave your home then?!!! OMG.. Sick, sick, sick!
Imagine how far from civilization we've gone!

Scene 3:

Successful girls received scholarships abroad and were allowed by their parents to travel and come back with MAs and PhDs. Ask your female professors at university, who didn't come from rich families, or families which were westernized. Now, girls will be so grateful if they are allowed to apply for graduate studies inside Egypt even. Imagine if she mentions travelling abroad! Talks about you will get too busy and you won't find time to get married! Or you won't find a man who agrees to have a wife who holds a higher degree than him!! No man will consider a girl who lived abroad on her own for 1 or more years! No man, no man, no man.. F*** this man!

One sorrowful scene after the other, we just keep moving backwards. Forget about women liberation movements, we're back to square one! How far do they want us to go? We reached the bottom, yet it's not enough.. They want us to dig our own graves!

Power, Politics, and Gender

Injustice is a cosmic plague. Countries can be imperialistic and oppressive while others are weak and helpless. Dictators abuse their powers within their countries. And likewise men and women fit into this cycle. You can not tell which leads to the other: Is it the weakness of the weak which tempts the powerful to take advantage? Or the absolute power in the hands of the powerful which causes others to submit in fear?

Whether it is this or that, democratic countries have invented a system which helps in the prevention of power abuse. They have constructed systems which would enable the public to supervise the performance of their rulers and give them the power to share in decision making. They also invented something called "voting", to guarantee that whoever comes to power has the approval of the public.

However, this did not stop dictators from having their way inside their countries. Their elections are rigged. Their parliament is mere décor. Their media is under control. Their laws enable them to do the most horrible crimes legally. Thus, the public in those countries are in such a vulnerable position that they don't even know their rights to ask for them.

Powerful countries do the same with developing and under-developed countries. They dictate their demands, and even enforce them when necessary. They use the weakness and poverty of those countries for their own benefits. They don't bother with big words like "human rights", "equality", "justice", "world peace", …etc. As long as sabotaging those weaker countries secures their superior state, they will stop at nothing to reach their goals. They have the UN under their power. The have the veto. They can even break international resolutions, like the US did in its war on Iraq. Who can do anything about it? To hell with the international community, do they have any power to stop me?

People, like countries, can get drunk with power. We live in a sexist society, where men resemble Israel and women resemble Arabs. Every day Israel takes more lands from Arabs. It can kill them and bomb their homes at any time. Then those Arabs will simply yell and scream, jump up and down, but what can they do about it? They will go to the Security Council? So what? The former Israeli prime minister, Menachem Begin , once said it: "As long as the Arabs haven't learned to stand in a line, they don't pose any threat to us". Meaning that Arabs will never see the true reasons behind their weakness. They can't see that they're weak cause they don't work on improving themselves. They are just begging for justice from other powerful countries. They worship their leaders although they humiliate them. They don't value time or hard work. They are far from scientific thinking and organized action. Such people can wait thousands of years for a miracle to liberate them, but they don't even deserve this miracle.

Women likewise will never receive liberation from their oppressors who thrive upon all the advantages they derive from their superior position. As long as they have got all the power in their hands they will never give any of it up, but will always seek to gain more. Unless women stand up on their feet, define their weaknesses and work on improving their condition, they will never gain any of their rights. Begging for our rights won't lead us anywhere. Only slaves liberated slaves, and only women can liberate women. No one can feel your pain except a woman like you. But the endless waiting for a miracle.. waiting for men to change.. waiting for society to change.. waiting for an upper hand all the time.. waiting, waiting, waiting, will only make us weaker and cause us to lose the respect of society. Are you happy with being the doll you are? If no, then get up and do something about it. Wake up women!.. It's too late already!

Fantasia's DVD: Erin Brockovich

From my DVD selection I shall continue to recommend some movies which I believe to be inspiring. One of those movies which I love is Erin Brockovich. This movie got its fame when Julia Roberts won her Oscar for the role of Erin. I find Roberts' performance to be simply brilliant. Yet, my admiration for this movie is due to its excellent script and profound dialogue. Erin is a strong-headed single mom, who insists on having a job at a law firm and climbs her way to success while keeping her identity, which her boss doesn't admire. Erin won the respect of everybody through her dedication and hard work. She taught everyone never to judge a woman by her appearance, but by what she has to offer to the world. Erin's way of dressing was considering inappropriate at her workplace for being too revealing. She could have blushed in shame when he got negative comments about her outfit, or thought that the job she was desperate to get is more important than her freedom to choose her wardrobe. Amazingly though, she refused to change anything about herself. She believed in herself and her cause, refusing to give up or back down. She stood her ground and invested all her energy in fighting for what she believes to be right.

if you haven't yet seen this movie, you should; and if you already have, watch it again for a breeze of inspiration.

Now I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the movie :)

George: How many numbers you got?

Erin Brockovich: Oh, I got numbers comin' outta my ears. For instance: ten.

George: Ten?

Erin Brockovich: Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is.

George: You got a little girl?

Erin Brockovich: Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How 'bout this for a number? Six. That's how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I've been married - and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're gonna call it.

Can't live with them, and YES, you can live without them

As you might have already noticed, my aim here is empower all girls. Step up and believe in yourselves! You don't need no man to baby-sit and entertain. You don't need a guy to interfere with your life as if he knows better. You certainly don't need a pathetic creature who lives in the desperate attempt to try to prove his superiority 24/7. You don't need a man to serve while he, the couch potato, keeps switching TV while complaining about each and everything. You don't need to hinder your advancement in life and throw away your potential so that he can secure all the resources he needs to satisfy his selfish ego.

The female is a complete creature. She is created in perfection to sustain all the basic needs in life, with minimum dependency. She grows mature faster than her male peers, cause evolution knew what's best for humanity. She has got the passion and patience needed for success. She lives longer although she works more. It is true, while there is always a percentage of men who don't work at all, there is not a single woman in the world who doesn't work. Cause they are the dependents. Like pets, they can't feed themselves or clean for themselves or organize their environment. They need us to care for them, and then turn us into slaves!

So, don't allow such a good for nothing creature to control your life. Never allow your precious life to revolve around him. Never stop believing in your abilities and skills. Yes, you are smarter, although they will do everything in the world to make you believe otherwise. Yes, you are more powerful, they control you cause they know that if you had a chance this will end their unjustified superiority. Yes, you are complete, you don't need a man in your life as you can make your own living and look after yourself. You can be anything you wanna be, the sky is the limit. If you only believe..

Girls Say:

I love this song by No DOUBT.. Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey.. Girls Say, Girls Say.. Hey Baby, Hey Baby, Hey. But that's not our subject. Just a thought.

What girls really need to say is NO. Ahuh. Just two letters that will set all needed limits and create her space. NO to discrimination and social injustice. NO to attempts to bring her down. NO to those who want to lock her up at home to become a servant for the rest of her life. A big NO to the guys who think she's a Yo Yo air-headed thing. NO to anyone who doesn't take her seriously. NO to a culture that reduces her to a doll. NO to being viewed as a piece of flesh when needs to be covered. NO to having to deal with stupid ideas that see her either a saint or a whore. NO to having to live like her grandmother and grand-grandmother. NO to following a rules created by men to make her feel inferior. NO to getting married. NO to leave her studies. NO to quitting her job. NO to lowering her ceiling and discarding her dreams.

JUST SAY NO!