Guilty of Feminism

When exactly did feminism become a dirty word?

Ever since I started blogging angry guys used to shoot the word feminist at me as if it was an insult! Hell, what? So, I am a feminist.. Why does it make you mad? And why the heck do you suppose that calling me a feminist would hurt me in any way? In fact, I am happy to be called a feminist. I wish I was a real feminist (being a women rights activist). Being labelled a feminist is a big honor. Would you be pissed off if people pointed at you in the street and said "Hey, this is someone who believes in human rights"? I suppose not. So, what makes those men assume that calling me a feminist would be counted as a negative remark?

In my attempt tp search for an answer, I remembered a very old incident. My colleagues had arranged an outing (including family members and friends) and it was really huge, we occupied half the restaurant where we met. One of my colleagues had been recently engaged and her fiance came along with her. The guy was so full of himself. He would fit perfectly in the category I previously described in "Your Guide to Dating an Egyptian Man" as Mr. Know-it-all.

Casual talk started until bit by bit they developed into discussions. Of course this guy couldn't miss the chance of having such a big audience, and he was determined to be the star. He started commenting on every single thing being said. I just kept observing him and was feeling satisfied that I was entertained for free (as the food served was not good enough for my taste). After about an hour, the stage became totally his. Many of those who were talking gave up because they didn't want to get embarrassed. He just kept saying "You are wrong" to anyone who disagrees with his opinions about anything.

Usually when the situation sinks into this boring phase I focus on making a polite exit. I was calculating what I had ordered to get ready to leave, when I heard this annoying guy talking about the deteriorating morality in our today's society. According to his genius analysis, the reason was that nowadays mothers go to work and are not spending enough time with their children. At that point I didn't bother saying anything, cause I thought others will take care of that. Just get me out of here for God's sake. To my amazement, nobody did. I found myself saying "You are wrong". He gave me this look of "and who the hell would you be?" but I just looked him in the eye and told him about all the social, political and economical factors behind declining morality. All those who were silent were now cheering. I could see that his ears were about to smoke, and instead of trying to convince me of his point of view, he just gave me a suspicious look and said "Are you a feminist?"

Me (laughing my head off): I believe in feminism, yes.

Him(looking puzzled): So, that makes you a feminist.

Me: Not necessarily. Not all of those who believe in feminism are feminists, but certainly all feminists believe in feminism.

Him(seriously staring): What's this? Philosophy?

Me (sensing the growing tension): Well, philosophy does involve logical thinking, but no, I did not intend to sound philosophical.

Him(cunning smile): You are a feminist. Don't deny it.

I will never forget the way he said it. It was as if he discovered a communist at the time of Sadat. I didn't really bother then. He seemed ignorant enough and I hate wasting my time on those people. But I remembered this now after I received all of "you are a feminist" comments. Well, I carry the label with all dignity. I am not ashamed of the sticker you tagged on me. And let me from now on be "Fantasia the Feminist". What a lovely name! Thanks for the title guys.

Only in India

Unlike the funny forwards which you get in your inbox every now and then, displaying awkward photos from India. This one is so serious. Officially, India now has its All-Female Political Party!Yeah, I read it in the news this morning and was as surprised as you are. Finally, a political party whose members are only women. You can read all about it here and here.

The new political party is called "United Women Front"(UWF), and its leaders advocate equal rights for women in a country which has the second highest population in the world, 50% of which are females. They aim to provide a "clean" (word used by the UWF president) alternative to Indian male-dominated political parties. "Unlike other parties, we will not buy freebies and alcohol for voters," says United Women Front president Suman Krishan Kant.

I wish them best luck in their mission. However, thinking about going down that road freaks me out. We certainly need to have more female political power in Egypt. Members of the UMF complain that women in the Indian parliament are only 8.8% According to this, we should really be ashamed of our 2.9%. But the thing remains that allowing different groups to adopt seperate political agendas is not the best way to fix problems. It's a huge mistake. If women can have their own political party, then we can't deprive the Muslim Brotherhood from having their own, for instance. We will be creating fractures according to gender, race (Nubians and Beduins will rush to that too), and religion. The spirit and essence of equality would be lost forever. We'll be creating a new and more complex web of hierarchies.

It's not only about the number of women participating in political decision making, it is most importantly a question of effeciency. If women are merely used inside the parliament and ministries as decoration, then more decoration will just add more shame. Because those women who would be supposedly "in power" would draw a negative example of female ability for action. So, yes, I dream of the day when women would occupy 50% of the parliament seats, a true percentage that would then reflect their active participation in all aspects of life. But I wouldn't like it to be through a political conflict.

There should be more active women organization. Their work should be felt. They should reach out for all women, all ages, all standards. We don't need any more decoration. We don't need any more sweet talk about the status of women and how they are honored. We don't need Mothers' Day when workplaces don't offer a daycare service for the children of their female employees. We don't need the roses in Valentine, when we are throne with spears from men staring at us and harassing us in the streets. We want to be respected as we deserve to be. Political parties can't buy us that.

I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I just wanna do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through
The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I am coming out
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I've got to show the world
All that I wanna be
And all my abillities
'Cause there's so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them
Just understandI got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Everytime I hear:
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show

So many songs recently.. I know you noticed that I keep refering to my favorite songs a lot. But this one is my favorite of all time. I've been saying to myself that I'm coming out (of my shell), since I was nearly 12 or something. If you're interested in finding out more details about this phase of my life, you can check out my older post "Why I love my period".

I'm still singing the same song to myself until now. Every time a break a piece of my shell, I find more light and my heart throbs. I feel like I'm catching a brand new breath as I explore the endless world of possibilities ahead of me. Looking at the world through a window is so different from looking at it through a door. Imagine what taking a cruise in a car would do! Imagine riding a plane! Imagine having a satellite view. That's how I discovered my world, step by step. And with each step I would scream in excitement that "I'm coming out".

Now, as I'll be hitting 30 very soon, I like to view things backwards. Flashbacks are wonderful, not only in movies, but also in reviewing your life.. your own history. Today, I am counting all the milestones I've passed through the journey. I am also asking myself, "What if I didn't do any effort to come out of this shell?" What if I stayed there to enjoy the security of its walls and the cosiness of its tiny space?" "What if my eyes got used to its dim lights and silence?"

Answering those questions is not as easy as putting the word "not" before all my life achievements. It also involves searching for who I am now, and who I might have been. My own identity would have been completely ultered for sure. There would be a totally other person that would be a perfect stranger to me. Identity is not what they list on your ID card. It is much more complicated than that. I wish knowing one's self was that easy! Would have saved me a lifetime of trying to figure out who I am and what I truly want. Yet, as much as the discovery was exhausting, as much as it was enjoyable and amazing. What made it sour though, was the numerous obstacles that others put in your way to prevent you from reaching the truth.

Never before was I aware of the huge role that FEAR plays in our lives as I do now. I can claim that fear is the primary factor which controls people, societies, countries, and even history itself. People fear truth to a horrifying degree. They fear change, because it faces them with a new reality that they are not ready to accept. They fear accepting new realities because they are not sure whether they will fit. They fear losing control over their offspring, prefering to make them images of themselves. They fear that if their children had their own path, that they would be different. People fear difference. They see different people as enemies, and they fear their enemies. People fear the unknown (with all what it means). They are enemies of what they don't know. They fear to explore it. And they also fear knowing that they don't know.

So confusing, huh? I told you it's not an easy task. I was someone who was lucky enough not to have such fears. Maybe because I was young when I started playing with the unknown, children are not good at calculating risks. And I consider myself blessed that I broke out of this horrible fear. Today, I wish to reach out for everyone and grab them out of their fears. Remember when you first laid foot inside the sea? You were one the beach, your parenting were holding your hands, your feet barely touched the waters, yet you got scared. You got scared cause you didn't know where you were stepping. It felt different. It felt moist, not as solid as the ground. Fear took over you, before you could allow youself a chance to discover what the sea is all about. It prevented you from stepping inside. It paralyzed your brain. It caused you to run back to the safe ground that you are used to. But if you had given in to your fears, you would have never discovered the joy of swimming.

Some people think that if you never swim, you might feel safe. Swimming too far can get you into the risk of drowning after all, right? But if you stay completely out of water, there is no such risk. I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong. You are more at risk than anyone else. For if you happen to accidently fall, you will never be able to save yourself. You can even drown in shallow waters.

That's exactly how things work in life. If you give in to fears they will destroy you one way or another. You will be deprived of the joy of discovering new possibilities, as well as risking your life if you happen to face a situation that you are not ready for. People make all wrong choices out of very good wills. People are afraid of knowing themselves. They don't search for it, and decide to adopt what others tell them about themselves. They learn what the school wants them to learn and avoid other knowledge. They enter the colleges which others value to be the best, without caring to know what they really want to study. They get married because they reached the age when everybody else gets married, without understanding what marriage is about. They marry the ones who have the qualties that others praise in a husband/wife, without really knowing the persons they are marrying. They get babies because this is the next step, without thinking about the future of those children. They bring up their children in the same way that they were brought up, without daring to face the failure of this system. The cycle goes on and on. Nobody cares to come out of it. Nobody dares to discover what's out there. What they can be missing. What they are risking.

But I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show.

In Response to Your Comments

Some of my dear friends (namely the alien and yasmine) took my previous post to mean that the fight for women rights is a pure female thing and insisted that men can also play a role in this movement, that of supporters. I thus found it necessary to clarify my position on this issue, which I hope would also act to define the shape of the female movement I had in mind while writing "A Woman with a Dream".

The formation of a human rights movement can never turn into an exclusive club for the oppressed victims to yell and scream. This will be a comic and pathetic act. Only the hopelessly powerless and mentally paralyzed will resort to such a thing. I myself do not like this approach, which unfortunatelyt some of those who call themselves feminists have adopted (whether in their writings or their lectures). That's why you will find me here always trying to inspire and motivate rather than curse and lament. I try as much as possible not to be personal, to make it clear that I'm addressing my whole sex, while not forgetting to pass on a message to men as well. We can't commit the same mistake (that men did) of disregarding half the world's population, when discussing our issues. So, we have to involve them, even if they don't want to get involved. But how?

Well, the way I see it, men will hurl to our help once we have a solid movement, but never before that. Those who sympathize with our cause now are still very few, and most of them don't practice what they preach at home. We do need the support of others. Yet, those others are our oppressors, we should never forget that. We must work on changing their inferior view of women, first, to be able to get their support after that.

Although I agree that there are women who stand against women when it comes to female liberation, I also know that they don't do it out of the same motives of men. They are too dominated by male authority and beliefs. So, we can't put both victims and oppressors in one basket and say we should all make the change together. I believe this is so misleading. What I suggest is a movement intiated by women that works on multiple levels:

1. Raising awareness among females and empowering them for change.

2. Forcing society to change its negative image and oppressive rules against women.

3. Challenging the partriarchal status quo by providing a human alternative based on equality and mutual respect.

4. Working on the political level retrieve women rights in the legal system (changing laws) and in ascending to high positions in their countries.

Each level involves many details for action which I won't be able to discuss here; maybe another post. Once we lay down the foundation to this movement, men will offer their help to be able to find a place in this new order. Because those who will insist to stand against such a growing movement will naturally become in danger of marginalization and isolation. Just like what happened with the emancipation of slaves. There were those who were not convinced by the concept and stood totally against it, until they found themselves alone in a changing world, so they were forced to change.

I'm not saying that male support in general doesn't come out of good intentions. I'm just saying that in order to gain serious support from them, we have to act serious about our cause first. We have to find our own voices before we ask others to join us. That is if we want actual change, and we're not after listening to beautiful slogans of which nothing comes true. I myself am tired of all the good talk around. I want to see action. And for an action to take place, victims must stand up on their feet and say NO MORE. That's the bottom line.

A Woman with a Dream

When Martin Luther King stood there, giving his public speech in 1963, saying his famous "I have a dream...", he certainly had no idea that his dream will come true. He had no idea that his speech will be a historic one, or that it will later be ranked the top American speech of the 20th century. He was only being sincere and dedicated to his cause. He spoke his mind and heart, giving the American people a peek on his dream: that one day both blacks and whites will exist harmoniously as equals.

That was a black man, whose dream exceeded himself to include all people of his race. He did not hide his dream in shame. He did not say that everything is OK as long as he himself is not negatively affected by the racial discimination practiced in his country. No, he made it his mission to fight for the rights of the vulnerable and to stand up in the face of the powerful. He knew that nothing will change as long as he and others are silent. He believed in the power of reason and justice. He understood the value of words and how taboos can be broken by talking about them. He stood there, solid and firm, expressing a beautiful dream, where black and white kids can play together, without feelings of hatred or superior/inferior relationships to destroy their innocence.

Just like it took a black man to fight for the rights of the blacks, it takes a woman to fight for the rights of women. It takes a woman with a dream; a dream of a better future, where men and women would coexist harmoniously as equals in society. It takes a woman with a mission and determination to bring down all the false taboos and misconceptions about her sex. It takes a woman whose dream extends beyond herself and her present wishes. It takes a woman who believes that she's not an inferior and that she deserves to be treated with respect. It takes a woman who believes that she was created equal, and that she holds the same brain that men hold. It takes a woman who's not afraid of imaginary ghosts haunting her life. It takes a woman who believes in herself and her abilities. It takes a woman who is strong enough to face the winds of opposition and ridicule. It takes a woman who won't give up the fight for justice and humanity. It takes a woman who will stand up and face the world with her dream.

Don't say that most girls are happy with the way things are. You know better. Your level of awareness is a gift, a precious gift that only a few get to possess. And with this gift comes a responsibility. Your awareness enabled you to understand why those vulnerable girls are silent, why they act satisfied, and why they even sometimes stand against their own rights. They are victims of a massive brainwash, just like black men were once made to believe that they were born black to be marked as salves, and that it was their inescapable destiny.

Patriarchs used the same mechanism used by Great Britain when they invaded African countries and made its inhabitants become their salves. The British colonialism was clever enough to convince those slaves that they were born slaves. They made them believe that it is a bless that they now found masters who can take care of them, because slaves can’t think for themselves. They even turned their colonialism into a crusade of some kind, where the mission was to bring civilization to these savage lands. The idea of “The White Man’s Burden” was so popular and found its believers among the colonists themselves. The “burden” was that of educating and civilizing the black barbarians. It turned intro a sacred mission, just like that of the Arab men, who want to protect women from themselves. So now we have ”the Arab Man’s Burden.”

Women are the only ones who can fight their battle. Just like blacks were liberated by the blacks, women will be liberated by women. Therefore I'll continue to say, "I have a dream."

Too Much Love Will Kill You

What a classic! A lovely song by Queen, that I always hear buzzing at the back of my head every time I totally lose myself in doing something I love. I'm a workaholic and unlike people who find it as something to be proud of, I try to cure it. I wanna have a social life. I wanna hang out more with my friends. I wanna go shopping and enjoy the tiny joys of life. I wanna have vacations. I wanna go on long walks. I wanna read more novels. I want many things, but I always keep them second to work.

Enough wishful thinking.. The reason why I chose this song to be my topic is that I see lots of young girls who would go as far as destroying their lives in the name of love. I'm not against love. I'm not even against crazy love, deadly romantic love.. you name it. But what I'm against is a false understanding of love; the destructive love that turns your whole life up-side-down, just to chase an illusion.

Let me be clearer. Of course most of us have gone through this experience of what's-so-called "first love", when you're a teenager and you just fall off your feet for someone who is your total opposite for no reason. Sounds familiar? You invest months and may be years in this "relationship" only to discover that it was nonsense. Just a training for your new emotional skills. Something to get you started for a life of dating. You were just exploring what it's like to be in a relationship, that's all. This person whom you used to see as an angel lacking two wings, you now discovered that he's only a below-average fellow, one you can never be attracted to now by any means. It is so strange that what seemed to you as the most genuine feeling of all, has turned to be so fake. Even your suffering from a broken heart now seems ridiculous, something to laugh at rather than to be sorry for.

Yet, you can read in newspapers about teenage girls who eloped with their boyfriends, or others who would get married via a piece of paper or a secret exchange of vows. They are girls who got trapped into this false experience and can not see anything further. Usually they are the ones who have oppressive parents, who can't even handle the thought that their little girl is attracted to a guy in her dreams. That's why, their repressed feelings along with their lack of guidance and the sudden emotional burst they experience at this age result in a poisonous combination that intoxicates their brains, making them take such drastic decisions. There's no need to get into further details about what happens next. We all know.

However, teenage girls are not the only ones who get trapped in such a way.. Often we see mature women who are not so mature when it comes to issues of the heart: Women who date guys that are way beneath them; Women who would do foolish things for love; Women who would know that the guy is a player but insist to go on with the relation; Women who are willing to go as far as losing their personality for the person they love; Women who are willing to give up everything in return for nothing; Women who take full responsibility of their partners (along with the financial responsibilities in many cases) just for love; Women who date married men; Women who get veiled out of love (I'm seeing a lot nowadays), Women who quit their jobs to please their partners; Women who allow themselves to be taken advantage of... an endless list.

I've always wondered why? Whenever I see one of those beautiful and well-educated girls who go suddenly blind and date someone who has Mr. Wrong written all over him, I always ask why? I heard a lot of stories about from women trying to explain what they think was the reason (mostly when the thing ends), but I was never convinced. Most of them would just throw the common "love is blind" at you, as if it explains itself. Many keep saying how attached to the person they were that they couldn't break free. Many say they were totally deceived, that the guy was an excellent actor. Others say they've already invested too much in the relationship that they were reluctant to quit. (Those are somewhat honest with themselves.) And you can often hear something as naïve as "I thought he loved me. He said he loved me. Why would I suspect that he lies?"

I'm so good at reading eyes by the way? Haven't I ever told you so? Well, just for the record, I'm damn good at it.

What I saw in all those female eyes was lack of self-confidence. That was it, nothing else. They can keep listing all the fake reasons in the world. But they don't do the effort of digging deep inside them to know where the problem lies. That's why you often see them repeating their mistakes, as if they learned absolutely nothing from their previous experiences. They always do it with the thought that "this person is different," and then when the same scenario repeats itself, you find the girl say, "It seems I always attract the wrong guys." They can't admit it to themselves that they do have a problem. Yes, in spite of all their excellent qualities, they are allowing themselves to be fooled.. of course not in a direct sense, but by living in denial.

Most of us were raised in such a way which left us insecure. If we really care to find a cure, I believe we shouldn't deny it. The up-bringing along with the treatment we receive from society has left a gap inside our souls. We tend to react to that by proving that we have a lot to offer, even if it is for the wrong person, seeking to fill this gap. We get too weak when someone shows interest in us, especially if he has some superficial qualities that would mark him as attractive: like being handsome, being rich, being successful, having a sense of humor… etc. The social image that they keep chasing us with all the time is that to be complete is to have a man by your side. We took it to mean that to be loved by a man is the most important thing in life, while in fact it's not. Most of us would then exaggerate in their efforts to keep this man. To most girls, a man who loves them (or claims to love them) is good enough. Therefore, a girl doesn't look any further. She doesn't care to put him to the test. She doesn't take time to analyze his actions or words. He is the best man as long as he showed interest in her. That's why she would put all her doubts to sleep. She will only concentrate on making him her own, wearing his ring.

Girls, if you think your luck alone is guilty of making you always fall for the wrong man, please think again. If you think that love is blind, and that the only way for showing love is losing your love of yourself, you are totally misled. Love, like any partnership, is give and take. If it's one-sided, one giver and one taker, it means failure. Admire your good qualities and don't ever settle for anything less than what you truly deserve. It's your own life, don't waste it. Too much love may kill you.

To all of you who can relate to this post, I dedicate those parts of the song:

I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me

About growing up and what a struggle it would be

In my tangled state of mind

I've been looking back to find

Where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you

If you can't make up your mind

Torn between the loverAnd the love you leave behind

You're headed for disaster

'cos you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Too much love will kill you

Just as sure as none at all

It'll drain the power that's in you

Make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy

You're the victim of your crime

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Too much love will kill you

It'll make your life a lie

Yes, too much love will kill you

And you won't understand why

You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul

But here it comes again

Too much love will kill you

In the end...

Desperate Housewives

Have you ever imagined yourself, after tying yourself up to your desk to study for long, endless hours to get a high score in thanawya ama; after all those sleepless nights when your nervous system is about to crash in order to pass your exams every years; after you finally secure a place in a decent college; after you spend the years struggling through the heat and the traffic to get to your class on time; after you put up with all the cruel professors and fight long battles with the fat textbooks; after you finally hold your university degree in your hand; have you ever imagined yourself to become a housewife?

Don't say something like, "Oh, no way. I'm not crazy to do that. I want to have a career and anyone who decides to marry me has to understand that." Because most of the women who ended up at home didn't have it as their childhood dream. And please don't say, "Well, I deserve some rest after this suffering." Because you weren't being tortured, you were being educated. And if you don't value your education, it means you learned nothing. I beg you don't say, "Why not? If my husband is rich and we can live comfortably on his salary. Why do I need a job?" Because people don't only work for money. It is society's right to benefit from your abilities, besides it being a basic psychological need for acquiring self-worth.

A question that has been recently asked a lot is: Where are all the female honor students? Where have all the female top scorers of thanawya ama gone? The fact that the majority of A+ students over the several past years were females, made many people wonder about the fate of those "geniuses". All those top students whose photographs were published in all newspapers, who were featured in TV shows, who filled the world with hopes and dreams for the future, have then disappeared.

A survey done recently by an independent newspaper has shown that 80% of those girls are now housewives, while the others are working routine jobs, that are devoid of any mental challenges and don't require any special talents, just cause their jobs' hours are suitable for them as "working mothers" (whatever that means). That's where the brilliant girls end up in this country. In a third world country that needs every possible mind to save it from the ditch it has sunk into. In a country where half the population is illiterate. In a country that is fighting for development to escape the jaws of poverty. In a country that doesn't manufacture any heavy material, or medicine, or high tech equipments. In a country that is being attacked by diseases. In a country that is falling into the darkness of religious extremism and ignorance.

Those girls are of two types, in my opinion. 1- They are quitters. They simply don't respect the knowledge they gained or the talent they possess. They don't care about the future of their country. They don't want to play any role in changing their society. They are not smart. They are girls with no character or aims, who happened to score high grades to please their family and to brag about it. Our country wastes its money in educating those quitters and giving them the best opportunities just so that after graduation they will stick out their tongues and say "Game over, we're done. We're staying home cause we found the perfect grooms who liked our high scores and think we are intelligent." 2- They are hypnotized. They were deceived by society and by their husbands to believe that their roles as wives and mothers are enough. They heard it over and over again, that a good mother serves society by taking care of the new generations. Yeah, looool.. The new generations indeed. Doesn't matter if those new generations find no decent education. Doesn't matter if those new generations suffer from poverty and diseases. Doesn't matter if those new generations have no jobs. Doesn't matter if they feel ashamed of their origins to be born in a weak country. Doesn't matter if they find it impossible to achieve any dreams. Doesn't matter at all. What is important is to have the new generations. Let them be whatever they want to be after that. Let them beg in the streets. Let them do drugs. Let them flee the country or sink in a ship trying to get to Europe. Let them commit suicide cause they got hopeless. Let them turn into terrorists to help Bin Laden. Let them hang out aimlessly in the streets to pass the time. Let them harass the girls in public transportation cause they have no hope of marrying one day. Let them have their turn in giving birth to a new more miserable generation. That's life, heh?

Either quitters or hypnotized, those girls, now women, turn into desperate housewives. They spent their whole lives trying to please their parents and then their husbands. Most of them are unaware of not having any life of their own. They are the ones who eat the burnt cookies; they always come last. They didn't learn to value themselves, or their minds, that's why they can't value positive social roles. They live in the tiny shell of their families, without caring to see what's beyond. They do as they are told, the obedient kittens in the house. They end up living like single moms, cause their husbands will never think about giving a hand with the home or with the kids. What's she doing sitting all day at home? It's her job. Let her handle everything, and if anything went wrong, it's only her to blame. She's there for the kids 24/7, so the kids should have the highest grades at school, they should be disciplined and quiet when dad's at home. If they ever misbehave, it's her fault. The father then becomes a bank. He's out there making money for the dependents at home. Being the bank, means that he has the right to have everything exactly the way he likes, he doesn't care how, it's not his job. He only finances the process, and he has absolutely no interests to learn about details. He doesn't care how many damn hours you spent in the kitchen to prepare his meal, he just cares that it doesn't taste good enough for him. It has to be perfect. You are there to make it perfect. He paid for all the grocery to eat a perfect meal. Damn you. You ruined it. And so those desperate housewives would grow exhausted and bitter. Their bitterness becomes reflected in everything, even if they do their best to satisfy everybody. Cause they forgot to satisfy the main person: themselves. As years pass, they become fat, ill-dressed, shallow, nervous, unable to feel happiness, unable to appreciate life, unable to communicate with their children, unable to please their husbands, unable to have sex, unable to practice a hobby or have serious interests. They get lost in the tiny details of daily life and their only quality time is watching TV. The weekend becomes a nightmare, cause the man is there to criticize all day and nag about everything. An outing at the club turns into her being a watch guard for the kids. She goes out for their sake, she doesn't have any fun. The summer vacation is even worse, she worries about packing, cleaning the chalet, taking kids toys and sandwiches to the beach, watching them play in the water with their dad (What? do you want her to wear a swimsuit to join them? Are you crazy? Let her just watch or read a tabloid magazine) , having them bathed after that, preparing a meal for the hungry swimmers, preparing snacks for the evening, washing the swimsuits and towels, and so on and so forth. She doesn't enjoy a single minute during this time. She is there to make their time enjoyable. She is there so that they can have pure fun, while she is sucked up in all those details that are consuming her life.

Look around you, you'll find those desperate housewives everywhere. They are the typical image of Egyptian women. They get all the criticism in spite of sacrificing everything for those they love. Your sister can be one of them, if you don't pay attention to her turning into a quitter or a hypnotized. Your mother can be one of them, and you blame her for everything, from being nosy to not having your favorite shirt clean on time. Your wife can be one of them, if you selfishly seek to make her another image of your mother. (Most men don't know the difference between the role of a mother and that of a wife, thus they are so naïve while starting their own families. They want a second mother to be dependant on, not a partner to share their lives with.) Your daughter can become one of them as well, if you are setting the wrong example for her and sacrificing what she can become for the sake of how society wants her to become.

Changing the picture is in our hands. Instead of packing our reality with all those desperate housewives, let's offer them something different. Let's teach the girls to love themselves and to realise their true potential. Let's build their self-esteem and encourage them to pursue their own goals. Let's teach them how to be useful citizens and to take part in developing their country. Let's talk to all the females we know about the value of work and how it secures a better future for them as individuals and as family members. Let's not tolerate a quitter among us and make her always feel that she's escaping her responsibilities. Let's not leave a hypnotized to dwell in her imagined world, but inspire her to lead a complete life. It all starts with you, right now.

A Must Read

THE FEMININE MISTAKE: Are We Giving Up Too Much?
By Leslie Bennetts

“The Feminine Mistake” is an energetic call to mothers to stay in the work force and earn their own living — or suffer the consequences. It's been featured in the New York Times Bestsellers' list.

Bennetts rallies numbers and logical reasons to her cause:

1. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and while a man’s standard of living actually rises after divorce, a woman’s falls.

2. The average age of widowhood is 55. Women live longer than men, yet typically have far less money for retirement.

3. Even a brief timeout reduces a mom’s earning power.

4. Child-care concerns fade as quickly as children grow up, but lost career momentum is gone forever.

As Bennetts asks, “If your husband divorces you or drops dead, was it really such a great idea to stay home if you can’t afford to buy groceries to feed your kids?”
This ambitious book sets out to replace choice feminism (the revisionist view that says as long as women are happy with their decisions about balancing work and motherhood, it doesn’t matter what those decisions are) with the ethos that giving up paid work is not just another legitimate option among many, but a serious error. Bennetts hopes to sidestep the emotion that has dominated the debate and persuade women to change this self-destructive behavior.

I certainly hope to see a book like this on the Egyptian Market. We truly need to help women resist the societal pressure which drives them to quit their jobs.

Why I love my period

Unlike what most women feel about their monthly period, I certainly love my period. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing gross. Of course, like all females I hate the cramps, the mood swings, the headache, the bloating and all this. But, the thing is.. we were like two enemies and then we finally became friends.

Let me start from the very beginning. If you're a female you can imagine the horrifying experience of the first time you had your period. So natural, yet ugly. My mom as usual kept in the dark until boom.. I came of age. Surely enough, I was scared. I thought I was injured somehow, and in the place where I was never allowed to examine or even look at. I still can hear all the warnings going through my head "Never ever touch yourself down there," Never ever look down there," "Just wipe yourself quickly clean after you pee, that's all." I thought that the devil lived down there and that he has punched me with his pitchfork on that day.

My mom came back home for the surprise of her life. I hadn't still made it to the 5th grade and I already had my period. She just gave me a sanitary towel. I still remember the brand, "Loulou", the same she used. She showed me how to stick it inside my pants and that's it. She didn't care to give any explanation. What is this? Why? Will it happen again? What am I supposed to do now? Nothing was said. I had to ask: "Mom, what happened?" She looked far away as if she got suddenly absent-minded, and after a long pause she said, "Nothing, it's normal, every girl has it. Don't worry."
Me: Has what? What the hell is this?
Mom: It's called the period. You'll see it every month.
Me: Why does it happen? Where does the blood come from?
Mom: Hey, hey. enough questions. Just keep yourself dry by using these towels I gave you until it ends.
Me: When does it end?
Mom: Two or three days from now.
Me: Why didn't it happen before?
Mom: You were so young. You are still so young, but it means that you now are a woman.
Me (Laughing): Wow! I grew up?
It has always been my wish and my prayer to God to make me grow up fast so that people will treat me like an adult. I thought God made my wish come true. But my mom didn't like me laughing about it.
Mom (interrupting my dreams): What are you laughing about? This is filthy. You are not clean until it ends. You should take care from now on.
Me: Take care of what? Am I not ok?
Mom: No, you're not ok during those days of bleeding. You're sick. You should stay in bed.
Me: But I'm feeling alright.
Mom: Why are you always arguing? Of all the girls of the world God gave me the most troublesome!
Me: Sorry, but I just wanna know. That's all. Take it easy.

This was the last time ever to ask my mom about anything. I learned my lesson. I wondered why she wasn't happy on that day. Unlike my father, who congratualted me and gave me a big hug.

When I got back to school I expected that all the girls had had the same experience. Well, that's what my mom said, right? All girls have it?. But none of them seemed to know what I was asking about. I then came confused and whenever I had my period I got scared and kept checking the back of my skirt several times to see if there are any stains. I must have looked so suspicions back then. I then started having all the negative feelings about growing up. Growing up alone was bad enough, I felt isolated. I couldn't run and play the ball with the other kids during those days. I kept excusing the teachers to be able to go to the restroom during classes. I started having the pain and the headaches that made it difficult for me to concentrate and I got depressed. I hated being a woman and I hated my period for making me a woman. I wanted to return a kid. It was far better. At least I wouldn't walk with those Loulous hanging between my legs. (It was the worst brand ever, it would never stick to its place. Oh, Thank God for the Always Ultra of today.)

Two years after, things were so different. Most of the girls had shared the experience by then. They were all so curious about what has happened to them. It was certainly miserable to have this shock while you're at school, being totally ignorant about it. A few had been enlightened by their mothers before they had the shock, but the majority were in the dark just like me. Most of the mothers were not any better than mine when it came to this issue it seems. I then discovered that it's normal. Still things were wrapped in mystery.

I went to the school library to search for answers. I found my treasure: A book about teenaging. I borrowed the book and kept reading it all day after school. I did nothing else. Read it from cover to cover. I didn't sleep that night. I was so amazed. It's like Pandora's box had suddenly opened in front of me. The book talked about stages of growth, psychological and emotional changes, menstruation, masturbation, sexual identity, everything that I was totally blank about. This is definitely the day in which I really grew up. I left the Disney world and I entered the real world. I discovered that in spite of all the education I was having, all the exams, all the difficult subjects and the high grades I was scoring, all were a zero. I was ignorant. Not only ignorant about the world, but about myself. Never before had I thought about things like how we grow up? (I only knew I am one year older when I blew off my birthday candles) what happens after we grow up? how do people get married? how do they have kids? why do they have kids? what's the aim of life? what are ethics? how can a person be ethical? and many many other things. My mind suddenly exploded with questions. But I kept them all locked into my head, never asked anyone, especially adults. I no more trusted them. I dicovered they were all liars. At that point I didn't care to understand why they were lying, I just knew they were liars. The only good adults were those who wrote facts in books. Books became my dearest friends, they never lied to me. (They are still my best friends now, although I discovered that some of them lie as well.)

I kept reading and reading all the time. I was always afraid that life was too short to read all the books in the world. I wanted to read them all. My hate for school became bitter. I started being aggressive with my teachers. I ignored studying. I felt I was way above all this. I would instead search for books about the topics in the schoolbooks and read them. I truly grew up, fast, super fast. Nothing could stop me. I would look any adult in the eye and feel like an equal. I got the same knowledge that he/she has and keeps as a secret, as if it is dividing them from babies. My self-confidence boomed and I was considered by many to be arrogant (that's why I failed to make new friends, my old friends were the only ones who knew the truth, and I managed to keep them till now.) I grew stubborn, cause my beliefs were based on facts, so I felt I had a solid ground to stand on, and almost nothing could sway me. My parents felt I was impossible. My success kept them from saying any negative comments. If they ever said one, I would stand tall and look them in the eye, saying "What do you want? I'm a perfect daughter. I know my duties well and I am the most successful one among my peers. What more? Do you just want to control me? Do you just want to feel the pleasure that parents get from designing the lives of their children, ultimately ruining them? I'm not a puppet, and never will be." Of course after hearing a 13 year old talk in that way, you freak out. I myself sometimes freaked out. Sometimes I was surprised at my ability to come up with the perfect answers in different situations. I faced people with reality without being rude. (At least I sincerely avoided being rude)

As I grew older, I understood many things. Everything thing for me became a subject for analysis. I was the youngest one to own a computer (at that time) and I was able to use all its applications perfectly. I then insisted to work during the summer. My parents yelled a bit, then they agreed cause I had had everything settled. This made me even more independent and made me more self-confident. All of the limitations that the world set for me kept falling one by one. Being young didn't prevent me from achieving what adults achieve. I could learn, I could understand, I could work and earn my own living. Being a girl didn't stand in the way, I was far better than all the boys (and some of the men) in my family. I didn't stay in bed during my period, even when it was most painful. I didn't do like the girls who act out the fatigue, as if saying out loud "I'm having my period, please take pity on me." I discovered that they were acting out the social picture, while in fact they can be perfectly fine. I took something for the headache and vitamines which kept me going very normally. I learned the benefits of my period and how it can tell me exactly how healthy I am. I sometimes make it work for my own benefit, taking it as an excuse to skip my weight-trainning session at the gym, for example. I loved the idea that my body is working in an organized cycle, that I can monitor its performance. I know when I will be in high spirits and use this extra energy. I know when I'll get depressed and be sure that there's nothing wrong. I know when I'll be easily provoked and prevent it.

Men always refer to our period as a disadvantage, saying that it makes us crazy and sick. They take it as an excuse to prevent us from having certain jobs and holding high positions in our country. This is bullshit! Why don't we ever hear this stupid argument in civilized countries? Why don't they say to their prime minister, "Oh, you're a woman, so you get a period which makes you crazy, then you can't govern us." Why are we the only females who get ashamed of their period? It is only a cultural and social heritage, that has nothing to do with reality. My own period was one of the reasons why I advanced in life. Let yours act in the same way.

Men of the World.. Get Lost

In an earlier post I've discussed a book which prophecized the end of the male species. This time, however, I am not discussing the biological failure of males and the need for them to extinct for environmental balance. I'd rather talk about the social side and why societies have deteriorated whenever they were male-dominated.

Far far long ago, societies were all led by the female, that's what anthropology teaches us. A woman was the leader of her tribe, which mainly consisted of her family members and children. This was the early beginning of what later on was to be called "society". A female leader was able to protect her tribe, organize its life, nourish it, and teach it different skills. She would never think about harming anyone from another tribe. She would never think about making men slaves for the women of the tribe. The idea of ownership itself was not there. Resources were out there given by nature for everybody. (Politics would later on define the need for ownership and struggle to be due to the growing number of people as opposed to limited resources, but that's not our issue here.) What I'm talking about is a point in time when women led their society and were successful, but had no greed or control aims.

Now, what happened later was that men would always look at the land of their neighbours, the cattle they had, the crops, the women ..etc. Then they would go and fight with them to get it by force. The idea of ownership then evolved, there came to be the concept of "this is yours and this is mine". In this new world view, and as men were the ones whose job was to steal things to make them their own, including women of other tribes, they decided that they should rule the members of their new communities.

In the old system, a woman definitely knew her children because she was the one who gave birth to them. On the other hand, a man didn't know his possible connection to those children, he would sleep with a woman and move away, nine monthes after she gives birth without understanding that this man played any role in creating them. But in the new system, women had to convince the man that her children are his also, to be able to protect them and provide for them. He now owns everything and he leads the tribe, so the fate of those helpless children lies within his hands. But how can she convince him that those children are his??

A clever woman then came up with the idea of naming her child after his father, and she would go to him and say this is your son, his name is your name, he is yours, you own him. The idea appealed to men of course. This new system now also enables them to own human beings who hold their names and who can help them in their domination plans (fighting, stealing, building new shelters). Men came to see children as an advantage, and would be kind to women who bring them lots of children. They then would own the mother as well, she is the factory of their own kids and noone else can share her. A man has to be sure that he is raising his own blood, so if the mother of his children happens to play around she is kicked out of the tribe and her children would not have his name.

Now what's next?.. accordingly, the idea of pure blood became an obsession and women were confined to their tribes. They will not to go on trips as they used to in the old days. They can't go to explore the land or plant the seeds as they were used to. (By the way, women were the first who discovered the secrets of the soil and planting, they are the ones who invented agriculture.) So, men were given all the jobs that required outside cruising. They would also plant and they would bring the crops home for the women to store them and prepare daily meals. Women stayed home to give birth, feed their babies and their cattle. What an interesting life!

But how successful were men in leading their societies? Well, this system is what we now call the patriarchal society, where men lead and dominate everything, leaving almost no room for anybody else. This full domination came to control women not only physically, but intellectually and psychologically as well.

Patriarchal societies lack lots of human values, like equality, justice, respect for the other, freedom, democracy, beauty, peace, tolerance, and many others. As I've previously discussed in my post "Power, Politics and Gender", men have proved to be control freaks. They would stop at nothing to fill their greed and lust, no matter who they crush in the process. They are drunk with power and they don't care if the whole world would turn into flames as long as they will stay stand on the top of the heap of ruins. They don't believe in evolution and the changes happening around them. They want to freeze everthing around them, as if it is a DVD movie that they can pose on the image of Si Sayed. They want to keep on enjoying all the advantages without ever sharing them with anyone else. They raise their sons to become the same dictators and they raise their daughters to become slaves, so that their cycle of control and oppression will never be broken. They brainwash the women in order to make them believe that they can do nothing better in life than to serve them and their children.

Everywhere you go there are men telling you what you should do. They design the syllabus at schools, they are the priests at church and the sheikhs in mosques, they are the controllers of media, they are the movie producers, they are the song writers, they are the historians, they are blocking every tiny space that would allow you to see the light.

In order for our societies to evolve those men should get lost and allow us some air. They've already done much damage with their blind desire for control. Don't wait for them to throw all of this long history and to break the vicious cycle of their grandfathers out of good wills. THEY WON'T. Like all the dictators, they won't leave their thrones or quit their oppressive ways until they die. The only way to change such a system is a revolution, a revolution that would set things right.

But some naive women are waiting for men to make this revolution for them. Imagine how silly and lazy some women have become!! Have you ever seen a master make a revolution for slaves? When will we wake up? When will take our destiny into our own hands and change this bleak picture? If not for us, let it be our gift to the coming generations who don't deserve to find the world the way we found it. For their sake let's say, "Men of the world, Get Lost!"