Natural Born Feminist

Being an Egyptian feminist never fails to show you its ugly face.. or to be more frank, this is almost the only face you will meet ever since people decide to "honor" you with this "label". Once you get known as such, get ready to be bashed with all kinds of questions (a polite word for "accusations") like "Why do you hate men?.. Don't you think you are exaggerating?.. Do you want us to live like they do in the West?.. Are you married? " and (quoting the King of Siam) et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

The stereotype for a feminist assumes a certain scenario which goes as follows.. She was brought up in a miserable family, having to wash the dishes and cater drinks to her male brother.. Her father was probably a harsh man who used to beat her day and night, or deserted his family when she was young.. She probably was heartbroken in love, or met a man who cheated on her.. She's an envious spinister.. most probably her looks aren't good enough to attract men's attention... et certera, et cetera, et cetera.

Well, I'm always sorry to disappoint those who carry this sort of pathetic stereotype and trust so much. But, first of all, I'd like to say that I don't like to be called a feminist.. not because I became ashamed of the fabricated qualities associated with this term, or that it has grown notorious in our society.. but because it fails to express my aims and what I really seek to do. You cannot sum-up Fantasia in mere "feminist." That will not be an accurate description. I'd rather be called a "myth-slayer or a "folklore-deconstructor".. for that is what I actually do. If you would like to add the term"feminist" before either of them, though, it is absolutely fine by me.

Growing up with all those familiar accusations from people who try so hard to prove that I fit into their stereotype of that thing called "Feminist," has, nevertheless, caused me to reflect more on why I was different.. and to rephrase it according to pop culture, it would be "what was wrong with me?" Again, I apologize for disappointing them all, for I have discovered that nothing was wrong with me. And check this out.. I found out to be one of the rare cases of those who don't fight against nature. I am in complete harmony with who I naturally am and what my primary instincts dictate! People like me may be considered to be rare species in our world, but I believe I am just one among many, whom you might well call "Natural Born Feminists." Please allow me to elaborate, using my diary.

1. The Day I Broke My Doll:

I grew up in a loving, traditional Egyptian family. My parents, like all others, loved me so dearly, and thought that showing this love would be through grooming me into what society would expect a girl to be. As a kid, I didn't understand it, and I thought the role of parents was to prevent their children from doing what they wanted. For instance, when the Legos I had received as a gift for my birthday suddenly disappeared, I thought the purpose was to deprive me of my favorite toy. However, I later discovered that my mom was hiding them away because she didn't like to see me playing a "boys' game", besides the mess that the scattered pieces of Legos cause. Instead, she got me a Barbie doll, only to find it broken into pieces the next day. She thought I hated this particular doll, so she brought me a new one; and when its fate showed to be no better than the first, my mom didn't give up.. She kept showering me with loads of dolls, never having pity on them, even when she sees them, one by one, ending up as plastic spare parts. I told her that that was my way of playing with dolls, but she insisted that I should use them to play another game.. pretending that they were real people, combing their hair and dressing them and stuff. When nothing seemed to work, she complained to my father that I spoiled my dolls, and thus was unworthy of any more toys. What my mom couldn't understand was that not all girls love to play with dolls. Kids differ.. not according to their gender, but according to their characters, abilities and preferences. And what I didn't understand was her presistence that I play with a "dummy" (in the full sense of the word).

2- The Screwdriver:

As a kid, I hadn't known that exhibiting your talents was scary. I thought that parents would be proud of what their young ones could do, and should encourage them to be more curious and learn more about the world. I thought that being independent was a bless, not a curse.. and that showing everyone that you were able to do things on your own was worthy of applause. Oh how green I was! [sigh].. Anyway, I used to show off my skills in front of adults, especially my parents, with best of intentions.

One day I brought a screwdriver and started to unscrew our cassette-recorder to explore what lies inside. Yet, my dad made me feel as if this recorder was a bomb that would explode if I touched it! Needless to say, this didn't prevent me from seeking after what I wanted. A kid's mind is designed to be curious, constantly seeking after knowledge.. you can't stop this automatic mechanism just because you fear that a stupid machine will get out of order! So, I waited for the time when I was home alone, and I would get my dad's tools and open all of the electric machines at home, one by one, and I would take out the pieces inside, carefully remembering where each piece belonged, then see if I could assemble them all again in the same order. I applauded myself when I succeeded, since there was nobody present to witness this achievement. And when my parents came home, and turned on that same device, I would keep saying to myself "If only you saw it one hour ago!" and experience a sort of evil kind of joy :)

Years later, when our VCR went out of order, I couldn't keep myself from helping my dad who seemed so frustrated. I begged him to allow me to take my shot at repairing it. Of course, he was totally against it, but when I told him there was nothing to lose and that the technician was going to repair it anyway, he seemed to have been too tired already that he let me do it. He couldn't believe it when I actually fixed it! But I never confessed to him my long hidden secret. Up till today, my family depends on me when it comes to installing or fixing electric devices. They are satisfied to think it is a miracle, and I no longer seek to disturb their peace of mind.

3- A Lesson Well-Learned:

Being a female, you can not be proud that you're talented or that you're smart. People won't admire you for it.. but will treat you as an abnormality instead.. a lamb that has lost its way and should be guided back to her flock, or forced to do so against her will if necessary. In a society like ours, you learn that a woman and a smart brain do not meet.. that it is OK for women to be dependent, because that's what men are made for. Only a man is allowed and encouraged to be independent, while a woman is brought up to be weak and vulnerable. Shall any girl show any sign of being smart or having ambition, she must be knocked down, for fear that she might disturb the balance of the universe! Hence, a smart man impresses you, while a smart woman freaks you out. A strong man wins your admiration and respect, while a strong woman makes you reach for your gun. That's what an artificially-fabricated social order does to us. We invent molds, we shape our young to fit into those molds, pushing and squeezing them throughout their lives to enter their boxes of what we decided to be "masculine" or "feminine," feeding them all about the "division of roles" and other myths of our invention.

By now, you should have figured out what I meant by saying that I am more in harmony with who I naturally am than the majority who consider themselves to be the norm. We are all born equal, but outside forces stand against our natural evolution, preferring to turn us into puppets, playing roles according to a pre-written scenario.. even if it is against our humanity, and even if it defies mere logic. Yet, what's worse than all that is the brainwash process that we are subjected to throughout our lives.. the brainwash that leads generation after generation to accept such ideas and in turn implant them into their offspring. Thus, the vicious cycle continues to produce people who basically spend their lifetime fighting against their nature. And unfortunately, there is a huge machinery backing-up this false system.. it's everywhere (TV, magazines, commericals, schools, universities, laws, etc.) .. and patriarchs have always been careful to keep all its keys under their control.

Societies, in any time or place, would have never moved a single step forward if it were not for the few who refuse to give in to such mutilation. All of us were born feminists.. yes, all of us.. boys and girls.. we were all born equal and we wanted to remain as such. Feminists are believers in equality and justice. And if anyone considers that to be wrong, or strange, or bad, then s/he would better look and see where they stand. As for me, I shall forever remain happy and proud to be guilty of feminism.

Childless by choice ... dream or nightmare?

From the day a girl learns to play, she is given dolls. Most girls will pretend the dolls are their "babies". They will pretend to feed them, and care for them. They lull them to sleep and kiss them good night.. They will pretend to be mothers. Most girls will love interacting with new babies, holding them, helping grown ups take care of them... by looking at these girls, one would think that motherhood comes naturally to females in general. The concept is taken and generalized... and becomes the norm, and the expectation of every adult woman. Any woman who dares think differently is not tolerated. As girls get older they are taught that motherhood is the most important role a woman could have. They go to school and get an education, but they are taught that children and motherhood come first, career comes second, if at all. Many are told that a career in something to fall back on just in case you never get married, or your husband for some reason is incapacitated and cannot work, so you can be the "backup" breadwinner until he recovers. Many girls spend all of their premarital life looking forward to the day when they will be mothers.... others will marry only to have children, the husband has a secondary role in their equation. To top it all off, religion dictates that a woman's "role" is child bearing and caring for the family.... This may seem like a traditional way of thinking... a no brainer.. really isn't this what all women want??

The answer to this question is yes, and no. Yes, because most, but not all women want to have children. There are no real statistics to verify this statement, but if you look at countries where having a child is not a necessity, it is not uncommon to see a woman who has decided not have kids. They are women who are childless by choice. They would rather go to the movies than spend the weekend feeding and changing diapers. They would rather spend time with their significant other, enjoying each others company, rather than fighting about whose turn it is to put the kids to bed, or fix a big healthy dinner, or change a dirty diaper. They would rather get a good night sleep rather than be up all night with a child with a fever. They would rather spend all their energy advancing their careers, rather than spending it dealing with issues relating to caring for kids. They would rather save their money for retirement and for fancy houses, great vacations and expensive cars rather than saving it for a child's education. Is this right? Is this wrong? No one can judge, it is an individual choice. If this is how these women want to spend their life, it is their prerogative. They make a decision, and go through with it, and whatever consequences there are, they bear them, because this is their choice. The other kind of woman is someone who wants to dedicate her life to her family and children. She enjoys caring for dependant children that are her own. She is happy to sing her baby to sleep. Saving money for a child's future gives her a purpose in life. It doesn't matter if her spouse does not do his share of the house work, or refuses to change the baby. Having this baby and caring for it is the joy of her life and the purpose of her existence. Nothing compares to the feeling of tiny hands around her neck giving her a good night hug and a kiss. When she is with her kids, her career is secondary, and whether it exists or not, is not an issue, as long as she has a happy healthy family. She is not concerned about the future if for example she gets divorced or her spouse dies.For this woman, this is her choice, and whatever consequences come of it, they are hers, because it was her decision to live life in this manner. Other women can combine both options together... this is also their choice, and if it results in lack of sleep or excessive stress, or being drained all the time from too much responsibility, they will be happy because they have both a career and a family. Again a choice they made. In this day and age, do women in our Egyptian society have this choice? Can an Egyptian woman decide not to have kids? Will she be ostracized by society for making this decision? What about women who cannot have children?? How can these women cope in such a society?

For an Egyptian woman, life after marriage changes dramatically. From day one of her marriage, she is asked if she is pregnant. If the answer is no, the question will be repeated on each subsequent visit, every phone call, every chance meeting in the street. Parents will ask, in laws will ask, siblings will ask. Friends, neighbors, distant relations, and even colleagues at work. Everyone who knows that she is recently married will ask if she is pregnant, and if she says no, they will ask so when do you plan to get pregnant? The pressure to reproduce is relentless. Delaying child bearing for a year or two will be frowned upon. She will be pressured to have a baby immediately or else. She is "advised" by concerned family members that if she does not have a child as soon as possible, her husband will run off with the next available woman. She is "threatened" by her in laws that if she does not produce the next heir... preferably a male baby, they will get their son a second wife. Religion will be mentioned in every conversation. Her God-given "role" has to be fulfilled as soon as possible.... she is told it is her duty.. it is why God created her. For many women, there is no way around it.... they will try to get pregnant as quickly as possible to please everyone.... and to fulfill the role society demands. Most of the time, one child is never enough... soon after her first child, the relentless nagging and social pressure will begin again to force her to have more and more children.. how these children will be supported is not their concern.... God will provide for the kids, so there is no need for her to look at her finances to see if she and her spouse can afford to take care of a new child. The only way an Egyptian woman can be childless by choice is if she never marries.... which puts a whole new stigma on her.... she will forever be "spinster" a reject, never a part of society.... never accepted for who she is... and constantly reminded that she is nothing without a man. Most women will avoid this stigma if they can.

The consequences of this peer pressure on women seems trivial when compared to the consequences suffered by women who cannot reproduce. These unfortunate women will have to sustain tremendous amounts of societal pressure, and they will have no way out. Explaining intimate details about her very private medical dilemma as painful as that will be for her, will only bring about looks of pity, and gossip behind her back. Some will even offer to find a new wife for her husband, so the man can have a family, totally oblivious to the feelings of the woman. It is as if she does not exist, and her infertility is a crime that requires she be punished for it. A very good read that discusses the dynamics of the cultural impact of infertility on Egyptian women is "Infertility and Patriarchy: The Cultural Politics of Gender and Family Life in Egypt by Marcia Claire Inhorn".

A close look at infertile couples in Egypt will show that the blame is usually placed on the woman's shoulders. Many men will refuse to be tested and will feel that being tested for infertility is an insult to their "manhood". Then the husband's family will blame the woman even if she is not at fault, and threats of divorce or a second wife will be constantly thrown in the woman's face. Lack of reproductive education in our society, and the stigma associated with educating youngsters about their bodies are contributing factors to the many misconceptions prevalent in Egyptian society. The image that comes to the minds of most Egyptians when sex education is mentioned is pornography. This is why most parents are so adamant about preventing their children from learning, or from being taught a course about sex education in the school curriculum. Parents also have many issues regarding this matter. It is often an awkward subject to discuss with teenage children, so many parents avoid it all together, also not all parents have all the answers, since they themselves never received the proper education. If only parents are informed that sex education is about Reproduction, how it works, and how the human body functions, they would understand why this is an important part of education that needs to be included in school curricula, and that it is in no way shameful or embarrassing, and it will not teach children bad behaviour. It will teach them information that will help them function as adults, and will answer questions that they already have, which will otherwise be answered by peers who don't have the proper information as well... hence all the misinformation circulating in society. In the previously mentioned book, the author interviewed Egyptian men who believed that a man deposits a fetus (rather than sperms) in a woman's body, and these men were shocked that women produced eggs, and actually thought that it was a ridiculous idea, because women are not like chickens!!!! One informant went as far as saying that if a woman does not produce children, then the man is feeding her for nothing!!! Another form of unacceptable women objectification. The point of view of women is not any better. Many feel inadequate, and unable to fulfill the role they spent their entire life preparing for. These women live in constant fear that their life as they know it will end because they have "defaulted" in an unforgivable way. They know in their hearts that they can wake up one morning and find that their husband decided to marry another woman, they may wake up one day to find themselves alone, while the man they spent years with has gone and started another family. He laughs and goes out, and sleeps with another woman. He has a life to live... but not the woman. Her inability to conceive is unacceptable. Many women in this situation will end up with depression, and some even contemplate suicide.... There are no support groups for these women, and the nagging society they live in is unforgiving. Even if this is through no fault of their own. I believe that if being childless by choice were acceptable in society, women who suffer from infertility would be less ostracized and less liable for devastation of their family life. Why not encourage careers for girls? Why do we hammer into their brains from the time they open their eyes that they need to be mothers? Why not give them something besides motherhood to look forward to?? The need for motherhood comes naturally to most people, so why are we reinforcing it at the expense of all other options in life? Why is a successful man without children accepted by society, but a successful woman without children ostracized? Encourage your daughters to be talented in music, art, science.... anything she likes.... let them have a life besides being mothers.... let grown women have the choice to be mothers... Why make it a necessity? why is it an order done under societal pressure? When will we be able to see "career women" who are childless by choice?? Why do people feel the need to dictate other people's lives and choices? Why ostracize someone for their ability or inability to reproduce? Just live, and let live. Let Egyptian women be Free!!!

Girls Need Modems

Yup! They defintely do. I've recently stumbled upon this amazing research paper by Krista Scott while surfing the net, and I immediately realized that she had clearly spoken my mind.. in a detailed, in-depth and highly organized manner.

In her masters thesis, Scott explains the advantages of female self-publication on the Web.

"The self-publication potential of the Net is one of the main reasons which creators cite as advantageous, since it allows for rhetoric and content which is unmediated by publishers, editors, or the like. Self-publication lends itself to a perception of immediacy, in that readers/users are more likely to feel that they can interact with ezine creators to those whose thoughts apparently are laid bare on the screen."

Hence the title "Girls Need Modems".. Before the internet, female voices were too feeble.. scarcely heard. And society kept pilling up restrictions on female writings in such a way which made publishing an almost impossible dream for women. They found many hands volunteering to shut them up, while they hardly ever found a helping hand that was willing to encourage them to express themselves, unleash their talents or exhibit their intellectual power.

In the beginning, cyberspace was not really promising. It was totally controlled by men.. Staying up all night programming, designing, entering codes, and publishing their own content. Yet, by time things have amazingly changed.. And in some cases even it may seem that tables have turned. Women stepped in so powerfully and made the best they could out of this new tool.

Female activity on cyberspace has exceeded the phase of being merely an outlet for expression and creativity.. Nowadays, one can actually say that the internet has given lots of girls a place to become actively involved with social and political issues.. Things that they would rarely, if ever, have had the chance to participate in! Moreover, the existence of multiple accessible self-publishing tools like blogs, forums, instant messaging.. etc, has allowed women who would not normally speak up on touchy issues to really dig in and find out what they believe and what they want to fight for. It is a haven for free thought, a place to meet like-minded people, get involved with activities and organizations, and write about how we feel as women in the world today.

But how many girls are lucky enough to enjoy that "luxury" in Egypt? That is the sad face that we gotta confront now. The number of Egyptian girls who publish online has got to increase. They need encouragement and support. They need a wave of gurus to teach them how to break out of their silence and realize that it is time for them to speak up.

Women issues has got to be addressed by women.. that's a fact. And girls who enjoy the freedom of owning their own voices online have got a major role to play in the battle for retreiving their freedom in the real world. With freedom comes responsibility. And each one of us out there.. each one who has managed to grab a piece of this cyberspace.. has got a responsibility towards the millions of other girls who haven't got the same opportunity. Believe me, there are millions who count on us. And I sincerely hope that we wouldn't let them down.

Female Bloggers Unite! Girls Online Unite! Let's do our best to make a change. We are lucky inividuals who have got a chance to rewrite history. We CAN do it. We are able to expand the horizon for millions of girls out there, if we only BELIEVE. The future of generations to come lies in our own hands.. RIGHT HERE.. RIGHT NOW.

V-day.... stop the violence (part 2)

The interesting thing about our society is that it mixes between emotional and physical abuse. As if all the emotional abuse was not enough! Men are encouraged to beat their wives. Religious authorities tell men it is okay to beat their wives, just not on the face. Then they say "hit her with a toothpick"!.. which makes no sense at all. What does poking someone with a toothpick do?? And if it doesn't do anything, why is it encouraged? So a punch in the stomach is okay? A kick to the leg? A punch in the shoulders? Hitting with a big wooden stick on her back is fine??

These won't leave visible bruises, so technically they are allowed..... But why do religious figures keep repeating that men need to hit women?? Why not look at religion a little differently? Even if beating is in religion, and religious figures translate it into very mild hitting with a toothpick, "sewak," why encourage it?? It was never a religious order. If a man does not hit his wife, he will not go to hell. Why not say that its purpose is just to let the wife know you are angry and you cannot take it anymore... so dont hit your wife or abuse her, just communicate your unhappiness, no need to be violent.

They all see how society currently thinks... so maybe it isnt a good idea now to tell men, go hit your wives... because the result is injury, humiliation, abuse, and breaking a relationship which can never be fixed. Maybe in this day and age, religious authorities need to come out and say no to violence all together... dont allow just a little violence... ban it completely. Is it okay to hit a colleague who disagrees with you at work?? If it isnt, then can you communicate your displeasure without using physical force?? If you can do it at work, I guarantee you can do it at home!! Now we all know that God is fair, and he would in no way mandate abusing human beings, so it would be reasonable if religious figures, seeing the kind of abuse happening today, actually forbid men from using force with women they share a life with.


The problem with physical abuse is that it not only encompasses beating women, but it also involves other forms of abuse, such as female genital mutilation (FGM) , otherwise called female circumcision.

As you can see , the incidence of FGM in Egypt is one of the highest in the world. Female circumcision is in no way related to religion. It is an ancient African tradition, designed to subdue women and deprive them of sexual pleasure, so women will not be tempted to cheat. In short it is the easy way out for males who do not care how much they damage a woman physically and emotionally, as long as their pride in front of other men is intact, to be comfortable knowing they can rest easy at night, and abuse their wives, without worrying that their wives will look for other men to provide them with the love and compassion they are lacking in their lives.. This kind of primitive culture involves a life threatening procedure by which parents cause damage to their own daughters' self esteem. so be it!.. infections septicemia, urinary tract infections and ultimate death are a mear smidgen in comparison to their super inflated ego. Add to all of that the psychological trauma and humiliation the poor girls suffer in full view of their families and friends... They are even taught that this is the norm, and that when they are older they need to enforce the same form of savagry onto younger girls without batting an eye lash since this is the way things are, and no one can ever change them.

It amazes me how this ideology exists in Egypt to this very day. The fact that it was adapted at one point of time is incomprehensible, since Egypt had a well known civilization that should not have been influenced by lesser civilizations. The fact that it still exists does not make any sense.. and the most astounding fact is that they actually attribute this abuse to God, stating it is mandated by him. It is just unacceptable how every time there is a way to oppress women that men would like to use, they just blame it on God and state that it is God's order, thus preventing women from fighting back. The statistics for FGM are frightening. 97% of Egyptian women have undergone the procedure. Mainly in Rural areas, but the practice is a little less common in larger cities. Demographic and health surveys have been conducted by USAID , and their results showed that there is no doctrinal basis for this practice in either Islam or Christianity. Although high officials in both the Muslim and Christian religious establishments have voiced opposition to the practice, it is still supported by some local religious authorities. Moreover, many Egyptians believe that this is an important part of maintaining female chastity, which is part of the religious tradition.

The historical roots of the practice date back thousands of years. According to the 1995 DHS findings, the most commonly given reason (58 percent) for supporting the practice was the belief that this was a "good tradition." Almost three-quarters of Egyptian women felt that husbands would prefer their wives to undergo the procedure. More than one-third cited cleanliness as a reason, while a smaller number saw it as a way to prevent promiscuity before marriage and unfaithfulness within the marriage.
The 2000 DHS also found that the majority of women think this practice should continue, though there was some decline in support for the practice (75 percent of women surveyed in 2000 versus 82 percent in 1995). There is spreading recognition of the many potential adverse health consequences of the practice, which has resulted in increasing resort to doctors rather than traditional birth attendants (TBAs) to perform the procedure.
One of the main factors behind the persistence of the practice is its social significance for females. In communities where it is practiced, a woman achieves recognition mainly through marriage and child bearing and many families refuse to accept as a marriage partner, a woman who has not undergone the procedure.

So you can see that women who promote this practice do so because they believe it will please men, and they are more likely to get married, which to them holds more significance than any trauma a young girl may suffer. On the positive side, In 2007 after many many deaths of young innocent girls, the Egyptian government finally stepped up and banned FGM for good....banning it unless it was medically necessary was the most absurd law in the world... it is like saying we ban cutting a girls arm, unless the doctor feels that it is medically necessary, then parents would get their girls to see the doctor, so we can decide if we should cut off all of her arm or half of it... but with the new law, I finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. There is even a very nice ad campaign to go along with it.

On a lighter note, fighting violence against women is a world wide phenomenon. A show called "The Vagina Monologues" celebrated it's 10th anniversary this February 14th.... V-Day!! It promotes women identifying with themselves and their bodies, and being comfortable with who they are, the way God made them. It promotes healthy sexuality, and women not fearing men, and not mutilating their bodies to please men. This show has been translated into many languages, including arabic.An arabic version played for some time in Lebanon, of course with some modifications to suit Arabic culture. I especially like the following segment, because it opposes everything patriarchal cultures resemble... In our culture they try to shame women about their periods... they tell them they are not clean, they cannot perform certain jobs, they accuse them of being crazy or irrational, so unable to function in life... in short they make women feel bad for something that is natural and healthy and in no way shameful. This segment is the complete opposite!! Enjoy!

For the love of the Game...and so much more.

An average person walking in the streets of Cairo can look around and see a parade of people who walk by every day. They come from all over Egypt, of many social and economical classes. The variety of Egyptians walking in the Egyptian street on any given day is astounding. Yet they all have one thing in common. It has been going on for some time now, but so far, not many people have been able to confront the epidemic that has slowly taken over our country... silently infiltrating everyone's life, and changing it for the worse... yet as Egyptians, we go on from day to day oblivious to the danger lurking ahead of us... hiding in plain sight. You will see that this danger affects both men and women, young and old. It affects our economy and our well being. It costs billions of dollars every year to manage problems caused by this silent epidemic. The solution to this problem is in our hands. It is an easy solution, yet it isn't available for everyone... In this problem as well as many others, women always get the short end of the stick!





What silent epidemic am I talking about you ask??? Obesity!! A casual observation of Egypt will show you that more and more people are gaining weight. This is not an Egyptian problem per se... It is a world wide epidemic. Countries all over the world are working hard to reverse this epidemic, yet as Egyptians, resources are limited, and people have bigger concerns to worry about rather than their weight. A lot of people believe this is a vanity issue, and as they get older or get married, they feel that there is no reason to care about this now. They would rather concentrate on their budget, or saving for their children, or the kids schools and exams...etc. In older days, Egyptians believed that gaining weight was a sign of economic abundance and wealth. They believed that a fatter person is better looking than a thin hungry person. It was a symbol of social status. Yet sadly, things are not as simple as they seem. Being overweight is associated with a higher risk of many diseases including diabetes, heart disease, stroke,hypertension, infertility, cancer...etc. In a country where health care and the cost of many medications is subsidized by the government, this is one of the many causes of financial woes that afflict Egypt and its economy...... with millions of people being diagnosed with these diseases at younger and younger ages, the impact on the entire economy is gigantic, and if we are all not careful, it will get worse as time goes by. Besides the cost of health care, and medications, people with these diseases will die younger, or will be crippled for life by one or more of the diseases, and will be a burden to society instead of a contributing factor to economic growth. Although many Egyptians read more and realize the importance of not becoming overweight, the idea that gaining weight is a much coveted status symbol still continues in Egyptian society. If a person loses weight, friends, family , and neighbors, automatically assume he/she is sick or has a health problem. People will start asking questions about his health, and why so much weight is lost, even though it may only be a couple of kilos. When a man proposes to a slender woman, his family will constantly criticize her weight and encourage her to gain more weight, because women are "supposed" to be chubby!!This kind of peer pressure has a huge influence on the prevalence of obesity in the Egyptian community as a whole, and on women in particular. Mothers are also encouraged to "fatten up" their baby so that the baby is "mekalbaz", which is equated to being cute!!WHO data shows that in Egypt more than 25 percent of 4-year-olds are fat. The number of fat cells in the human body can increase during the first year of life. After a person is older, fat cells get bigger or smaller when weight is gained, but the number of cells remains the same. When all mothers overfeed their babies, these babies will have more fat cells than they would have otherwise had. And with that many fat cells in their body, they are more likely to gain weight as adults, and will be more predisposed to obesity than children who were not overfed.

Egyptian school age children on the other hand have a slight advantage over the rest of the population. In sporting clubs all over Cairo and Alexandria, and many other smaller cities, especially in more affluent neighborhoods, mothers spend the summers taking their children to practice, and most kids are encouraged to participate in sports. Now this is a good start that needs to be encouraged, but once kids reach their teens, boys will continue to play sports, and girls are not. With the onset of puberty the frank discrimination against women begins. If a girl is a swimmer she is told that she is getting too old, , and it is no longer acceptable in the community for a girl to wear a swimming suit to practice a sport the way boys are allowed to do. The same with most other sports. Girls are "protected" and discouraged from "displaying" their body by moving, which is encouraged for boys!! Girls are groomed to be future housewives, so most girls will start to have more responsibilities in the house, while the boys are encouraged to participate in sports and their triumphs are celebrated. Most girls will eventually quit sports all together. Very few girls in their late teens actually practice sports, and most go hang out with friends rather than continue a habit that would have been healthy and good for their overall well being. This brings us to the current trend in Egypt. Although obesity is a problem for all Egyptians, at the age of 15, when girls are developing into young women, and social restrictions and frank discrimination starts, the WHO show deviation from the standard model of male and female obesity. Meaning that women suddenly begin putting on much more weight than men...although as children the weight issues were comparable in both males and females.

The Body mass index is a measurement of body weight in relation to height, and is used to assess the percentage of body fat in a person. The optimal BMI of a population is around 21. 25 or more is overweight and predisposed to diseases, and 30 or more is obese... meaning severely overweight! As shown in the previous graphs, at the age of 15, half of Egyptian women are overweight, and around 10% are obese. The weight problem escalates as women get older to reach 90% of women over 45 being overweight, and out of the total female population, more than 67% are obese by the age of 45.. In short, we are turning into a country where only a quarter of the women are not predisposed to massive health risk, and early death and life long diseases!!

In Egypt, the average woman's life expectancy is 73.6 years, based on the data published in the 2007 CIA world fact book. This means that these women will live for at least 30 years while being overweight, and suffering from its consequences on their health, well being, as well as that of their family, and that of the Egyptian community as a whole.


So what has Egypt offered as a whole to these women to help control the problem, and as a society how do we band together to keep our families happy and healthy? Not enough according to the current trends. Men can participate in sports without restrictions, and among adults, young single men are the ones who participate in sports the most. Women's sports are not as important, and rarely if ever publicized or encouraged. Wouldn't it be a fair assessment to say that we need to educate Egyptians about the importance of physical exercise on their well being? Shouldn't we teach them about their body mass index and how to eat healthy to control their weight and cholesterol? Funding for preventive medicine and public health is dedicated towards children and vaccinations.. which is very important, but adult preventive medicine is never a priority. If we want to improve our economy as a whole , and our society, we need to educate adults about their own health. This would cut millions of pounds spent annually on health care.In order for this to be accomplished, we need to educate women first. Women will teach their children, and husbands, who traditionally are more resistant to change , will follow suit. The key to a healthy Egyptian community is having mothers who are educated about the methods of maintaining their family's health and well being, as well as being role models for their children, who will follow in their mothers footsteps. Women need to be encouraged to change their attitude towards physical activity. They need to learn that it is okay to move. It is not a sin to exercise, and whether they dress in hegab or not should not stop you from practicing a sport you love. They also need to learn that becoming a wife and a mother should not stop you from maintaining your health and that of your family.. in fact, it is your duty to stay healthy for your well being and for the well being of your own children..... And of course we go back to our eternal problem... our patriarchal society and the restrictions it imposes on any woman living in that society, and the ignorance of some men when it comes to physical activity of women in general, and women in sports in particular. In short, the key to all of this is Education!


A typical example of the restrictions placed on women when it comes to playing sports in Egypt is soccer...Most, if not all, Egyptian men play soccer. Soccer is the Egyptian all time favorite game. Men play soccer wherever there is an empty space, a ball, and other men. Most Egyptian households are divided into supporters of certain teams...Growing up in Egypt, it was common to be asked by kids in school if you are "ahlawy", or" zamalkawy"... you had to be one of them... there was no 3rd choice.( teams may be different for today's children) When one team wins, its supporters would storm the streets of Cairo celebrating, honking their horns screaming their team's name, holding signs out of car windows... As a child it gives you the feeling the whole world is celebrating this important event. In a nation such as this, you would expect soccer to be played by both girls and boys, and as they get older, men and women would play, and having a men's team as well as a women's team is the norm.... however this is not the case. Until recently, the only team in the public eye was the men's team. Women did not play soccer. If they try to, it would be a joke, and no one would take them seriously... they would be the laughing stock of their community.... That is until recently when some very brave Egyptian women decided to take on the system . It all started with a brave woman called Sahar Elhawary Who took it upon herself to build the first Women's soccer team in Egypt.She started recruiting players in the 90's and took it upon herself to train them and prepare them for the game. It wasn't until the new millennium that the women's soccer team was recognized by Egypt and was known as the Egyptian women's team. They even qualified for the first African women's soccer cup, and snatched the victory, however it was not widely publicized, or celebrated like any of the events involving men's soccer. Since then there have been changes in society, especially among young girls. Girls' soccer teams have popped up everywhere, and women are finally being recognized as soccer players too. However the road is not all smooth sailing, and many attitudes need to change before women's soccer can reach its full potential. Women soccer players were recently interviewed by Aljazeera in a very interesting mini documentary.

As you can see by this documentary, The women were there solely for the sport, and the one that felt that she needed to wear a headscarf, came up with a compromise and wore leggings underneath her shorts, while still maintaining her right to practice an enjoyable activity, and be a part of a national team. Younger Egyptian men had a very negative idea about women and their right to practice sports. While the women's soccer team is practicing in the background in a soccer field, a male player nearby tells the camera: “If my fiancee wanted to play football, I would forbid her. I only respect men playing. It could also distract her from her home. In Egypt we believe the woman's place is in her home.” So he actually feels the need to "forbid" his future wife excercising or participating in a sport, since he believes her sole function in life is caring for him, his kids and his house... her own well being, whether physical or mental, is not part of the equation. Another says of a female player: “She cannot wear a headscarf and play. This is against religion. Football and sports are forbidden for women.” So this young man's idea is that God has forbidden women from participating in sports... The coach , who appears to be in his 30's actually praises the girls saying they have better endurance. On the other hand, the older gentlemen who were interviewed had a more positive outlook... They have probably been young men in the 60's and 70's, before Wahabi influence infiltrated Egypt and changed its identity and culture. Their take on women's soccer is that it is good for girls to play sports to occupy their time, and that since the game is in public and she is wearing decent shorts, then it is a positive thing, and their overall impression is quite encouraging. (You will notice how these middle class men identified decent clothes by logical means, rather than thinking that any clothes that dont cover a woman from head to foot are indecent, so they were okay with wearing shorts while participating in a sport... never once saying that since they are women we should stop them from wearing the international dress code of soccer players.) By comparing what the older men and the younger men have said, we can see what Egypt was at one point of time, and what it is becoming faster than we can imagine. Whatever happened to the open minded Egyptians that were once the norm? Why are our younger generations so oblivious to the danger their new ideas pose to themselves, their society, and their country as a whole? Doesn't it make sense that we would have had so many more female athletes and champions if Egyptian women were free to practice any sport they loved?

Whether the cause of this attitude is ignorance or Wahabi infiltration deep into our society, it needs to be stopped. Egyptian men need to go back to the way they were in the 60's and 70's. They need to respect women enough to give them autonomy over what they choose to do with their time, and no one should feel the need to "force" his wife or daughter not to exercise, because housework is not the reason God created women! Women need to learn more about maintaining their physical activity as they get older, and the dangers that they impose onto themselves by giving in to ideas that require them to leave life and sit at home as servants. I am not saying women should not care for their homes, but rather, women need to have activities besides their homes and the tedious amount of work that is needed for the upkeep of their households. By not having outside activities they are harming themselves, their families, community, and country. One of the best ways to get women to begin participating in sports is encouraging our women's soccer teams. The reason I specifically state soccer is because it is already popular, and people already accept it as a sport, so the work here is half done. If women's soccer becomes as socially acceptable as men's soccer, a large number of girls will learn to play, and participate in a national pastime that is enjoyed by both men and women, young and old. With the active participation of women in soccer, active participation in other sports will eventually become the norm, and the obesity epidemic will eventually come to an end. Of course media coverage is a huge factor in deciding how popular a sport will become, but in order for this to happen, people first have to show enough interest. For all the Egyptians out there, I say support your local girl's soccer team. The girls of today are the women of tomorrow, and their health and well being is the health and well being of our community.

Hijab as a Dress Code

Another visit to Egyptiana's blog and another discussion. This time, however, I am not being merely inspired by her latest post.. but I am also conversing with the ideas mentioned in it. First time ever to have something else to say other than agreeing with the brilliant ideas expressed by this dear friend, ever since I started blogging. I felt there was a need for someone to step in and clarify the blurry image that tends to generalize our view of the Other, with capital O. The inspiration came as I read the questions being raised at the end of her post:

لم اذن ندعى ان الحجاب خطأ بشرى فى حق النساء المسلمات؟؟؟انقول المثل على اليهوديةانجرؤ ان نقول المثل على الراهبات المسيحياتلا والله ما يستطيع ان يتدخل اى شخص فى حرية اليهودية او المسيحية... ولكن المسلمة تحتاج الى وصاية... الى من يقول لها افعلى هذا او ذاك... حجابك خطأ ... حجابك جاء من وراء البحر ثقافة بدوية تدعو الى قمع الحريات لا اهوى المهاترات او المناقشات العقيمة فى امور محسومة... وما هذا البوست الا دعوة للتدبر فى الامر... والتفكير فيه بتأنى ما كان الحجاب قيد... ولكن تجميد عقولنا ومحاولة فرض اراء تبدو فى ظاهرها حرة هو القيد العظيم

Why do we claim that hijab is a human fault committed against women? Do we say the same about the Jewish woman? Do we dare say the same about Christian nuns? No. I swear by God that nobody can interfere with the freedom of the Jewish or Christian women. . But the Muslim woman is in need of patronage.. of someone to tell her do this or that.. your hijab is wrong.. your hijab came from overseas.. a beduin culture promoting oppression. I don't like talking nonesense or aimlessly discussing what is well known. This post is only an invitation to reflect on this issue... Hijab is no bondage.. but freezing our minds and trying to force ideas which appear to be free is the great captivity.

At first sight, it may appear that the conclusion being made is about a well-defined group. But as one readers to search for such a definition, things start getting mixed up. The descriptions being stated as examples of what "this group" believes in, reveal that a wide range of people are gathered together in a single basket. Let's review each together:

1- Why do we claim that hijab is a human fault committed against women?

Not all people who believe that hijab is not doing good to women have the same reasons. There is a large range from conservatives to moderates to extremists, each group having their own reasons. Consequently, although they may agree on the disadvantages of hijab, they do not all share the same view about it. Therefore, assuming that they all have the same attitude towards hijab is so unfair.

2- Do we say the same about the Jewish woman? Do we dare say the same about Christian nuns? No. I swear by God that nobody can interfere with the freedom of the Jewish or Christian women.

Mmmmm.. There are those who say the same about Jewish and Christian women. They don't all interefere with their freedom. Some of them dare to do it. Others are not afraid, but don't interefere because they believe it is not the right thing to do.

3- But the Muslim woman is in need of patronage.. of someone to tell her do this or that.. your hijab is wrong.. your hijab came from overseas.. a beduin culture promoting oppression.

Which ones are we talking about here? Do all those who refuse to wear hijab patronize Muslim women or tell them what to do? Do they say that their hijab is wrong? And why would analyzing the origins of hijab be considered as a way of attacking it or those who wear it? Isn't the beduin culture seen to be oppressive, regardless of hijab? Doesn't this same beduin culture tell women who don't wear niqab that their hijab is wrong?

4- I don't like talking nonesense or aimlessly discussing what is already undisputable.

What makes hijab undisputable? It is not one of the five basic pillars of Islam. Islamic scholars are disputing about it all the time. Different cultures have different definitions of it. What makes it undiscussable? And why would discussing it be a sort of nonesense?

5- This post is only an invitation to reflect on this issue... Hijab is no bondage.. but freezing our minds and trying to force ideas which appear to be free is the great captivity.

I totally agree. And that is why I would rather discuss my point in detail, as I feel like I have been put my mistake into the wrong company. I don't wear hijab. I don't believe it will do me good. I have my own reasons to think that it has many disadvantages. Yet, I never forced anyone to take it off, but the opposite always happens with me. And I never told anyone who agrees with it that it is wrong, although the opposite is always said to me. And I certainly would never judge anyone based on whether or not she is wearing hijab.. again in spite of having been always judged as a non-hijabi. I don't support hijab, but I am not against it, either.

Allow me to defend myself. In saying so, and from now on, I am not addressing Egyptiana. I am expressing myself, and giving myself the right to talk on behalf of others who hold my beliefs, and who are usually misunderstood and accused of joining those who are against hijab in general. Egyptiana did a great job with her post, actually. She displayed three pictures of different women who are covering their hair.

1- A Jewish woman praying:

2- Christian nuns praying:


3- A group of Muslim women awaiting prayers:

I so much believe that "a picture is worth a thousand words". Egyptiana's 3 pictures say that women have been covering their hair regardless of their religion, nationality, or race.

But I would like to add some more pictures to her wonderful collection to aid me in explaining my point. I would ask you to please have a look on the following ones.

4- Buddhist women:

5- Hindu women:

6- Sikh women:

7- Jain women:


8- Parsi Zoroastrian women:

So.. What are those pictures trying to tell us? Can you read them? Apparently, women who follow non-Abrahamic religions also cover their heads, as you see. What does this invite us to conclude? I, personally, believe that this dress code is purely traditional, passed down from one generation to the other.. Just like men in the Gulf who cover their heads with aggal.. or other Muslim men who wear turbans, or 3emma, like men of Azhar.. or those who wear chitral, like Afghani men. Can we call this hijab? Can we force men to wear it, knowing that Prophet Muhammed used to cover his head? I don't think so.

Moreover, it is normal to see a male sheikh who doesn't wear a 3emma nowadays.. although this was completely out of question in the past. Does this make the sheikh who doesn't wear the traditional 3emma guilty in any way? Can we judge him to be less moral or less religious than other sheikhs who do wear it? It is a traditional way of dressing, people. All kinds of clothes are passed down through imitation.. That's what we now call "fashion".

Islam, like all other religions, never told people what to wear. It is a matter of what people decide to wear at a certain time. We are only demanded, men and women, to dress modestly while praying.. like all other religions. A man can not pray in his shorts, although there is no clear or direct verse in Quran to prohibit that. But, logically, measuring on other demands in Quran, we can easily reach this rule. It is the same with females.. who were only instructed to wear moderate, conservative clothes, that won't cause "NORMAL men" (and i insist here on NORMAL) to be seduced.. or invite morally corrupt or sick men to abuse them, or harass them sexually. What was said is clear: Cover those parts that are private.. Don't wear sheer fabrics.. Don't wear tight clothes.. And try to keep away from too much accessories.

These are the demands of God. That's how women were asked to dress according to the Quran, which God declared to be complete and whole. He could have easily told women "Cover your hair" or "Cover your breasts" or "Cover your legs".. But He didn't, because He created this world and He knows that people's habits change from time to time, and from place to place. He didn't care to put a piece of cloth on women's heads. He only instructed them on how to protect themselves and how to avoid sinning by means of (intended) seduction. Accordingly, the choice of outfit was totally left to humans. They decide according to their culture, traditions and times what is considered to be appropriate and what is not. How can God order a Muslim woman who lives in equatorial Africa (in Kenya or Congo or Ughanda) to wear hijab or niqab? She will be committing suicide if she did! Besides, with global warming - which we know is a fact - the Earth's temperature is expected to rise.. which will make poor countries, which don't have proper homes, not to mention air-conditions, a living hell. Don't you think God knows about that? How can He then demand women there to wear the thick black niqab of Saudi Arabia? We all know that women are flogged (in one of the hottest countries during summer) if they don't abide by this dress code. What would please God in that? Do you think their rich women, who are married to the princes of oil, would find any difficulty in wearing this outfit? Those who have air conditioned luxury cars, with chauffeurs.. Those who live in villas with central air conditioning.. Those who wear original brands underneath their black abayas! Would they suffer in any way?

But what about poor women? What about those who can't afford any of those luxuries? Aren't they suffering? What about the old Egyptian women we see waiting for a long time under the hot sun in summer to ride a public bus, or any other means of public transportation? Have you ever seen their red sweaty faces? Have you ever felt how hard it is for them to deal with poverty as well as the summer heat while wearing the veil? What about those wearing niqab? Do you think God is a classist? He should be if He demands something that doesn't require any effort from rich people, while it would make the poor really suffer. Do you think God is a racist? Well, He should be if He truly would punish women in Congo for not wearing the hijab/niqab, and reward women in Russia for covering their hair (which they all do automatically in winter).

Now, we come to the most important question of all. Do you think God is a sexist? If you truly believe that God will never approve of His female worshipers unless they wear hijab/niqab, then that's what you are saying. Because in this way it would be impossible for them to have equal opportunities in life.

First, what is the original definition of hijab?.. Hijab is only mentioned once in Quran, while refering to male visitors who entered Prophet Muhammed's home and wished to talk to his wives. In this case, God instructed that there should be a hijab between them, meaning something that would block their vision, a curtain, so that they won't be able to see the Prophet's wives, who are described by God as being like no other women.

Does this mean that nobody saw either of the Prophet's wives? Of course, not. We know from many history books that those women interacted very normally with their community. The most powerful of them, Aisha, was known to be an excellent scholar, and who told many of the stories about Prophet Muhammed after his death. She even raised an army against Ali ibn Abi Taleb and directed it herself while riding on a camel's back.. Hence, the battle took the name of "Mawqe3at el Jamal" or Battle of the Camel. And there was a huge uproar against her in Basra (where the battle took place) for not respecting God's orders to the Prophet's wives; for she has left her home, and she has overthrown the rule of hijab! Notice that we are talking about Aisha, mother of the faithful.

Now, let's move on to the present time. Can anyone give me one definition of hijab that all Muslims would agree on? I dare anybody to do so.

Each Islamic culture has come up with its own version of hijab and claimed it to be the best of all.

There is the Wahhabi hijab of Saudi Arabia (niqab):

There is the Isdal/Chador of Iran:

There is the Talibani Burqa of Afghanistan:

There is the Khimar:
There is the Egyptian head scarf which covers/uncovers the neck:

Each woman of those thinks she is wearing the right hijab. Each woman of those thinks her hijab is better than the rest. Each woman of those believes that her dress is religious. None of them is right, and none of them is wrong. Nobody can objectively tell who is better than who. Nobody can prove any claim of superiority of one of those styles.

It is enough to show your face down a Saudi street to receive lashes on your back. So, do you think they believe that women who cover their hair and show their faces will enter heaven? Can an Egyptian girl who is convinced with her hijab wear it there? Can she convince them that she is not upsetting God? Can she get the women there to believe that she may be rewarded as well as them in afterlife?

In short.. There is no such thing as Islamic hijab.. There is only traditional/cultural hijab.. The hijab approved by the community where a female lives.. Just like any other set of traditions that she must follow in order to win the respect of her community. In some African tribes, it is normal for women to walk topless in public, while it is shameful to reveal their legs. We may find it strange, we may disapprove of it, but we should respect their culture.. because that is what they believe to be right, and thus is of high value to them.

Many people are surprised that I am not against hijab although I don't believe that it is a must, or that God would put it into consideration while judging my soul. The reason is that I respect the beliefs of others so much.. as long as that's what they are truly convinced with. Moderate secular thinkers are not extremists.. And that is what I meant to say through this discussion of my personal opinion of hijab as a dress code. Moderate secularists agree that a woman is free to wear hijab when it becomes her choice. They respect others' beliefs, even if they disagree with them. They don't pass judgements or condemn others. They don't seek to force women to take their hijab/niqab off their heads/faces.. but they wish them to take it off their minds. Talking about the origins of hijab, or how it found its way back to Egypt, is not an attempt to shake the belief of others. WE DON'T DO THAT. We are the ones being accused all the time of having weak faith. We are the ones who are insulted for questioning human explanations of religion. We are the ones being attacked because we don't wear hijab. Thus, our aim is to let others see things from our side, in the hope that they would be more understanding and tolerant.. not to tell them "you are wrong". The person who aims to force others to adopt his/her ideas is not a secularist. All we want is coexistence. We don't want to be accused of athiesm or lack of ethics. We don't want female secularists to be disrespected or considered to be women of easy virtue. Don't you think it is fair enough?

I said it many times, and I will say it again. Variety is the law of life. Difference will always exist. We have to accept one another without trying to wipe away differences. God could have easily created us all the same. Thus, our ability to tolerate difference is a virtue, and will be rewarded by God. Moderates, whether agreeing or disagreeing with hijab, should always have a quite dialogue based on logic. Disagreement is not equivalent to hostility. We shouldn't be putting any person who disagrees with us in the place of our enemy. We would be losing many good friends if we do so, as well as creating false stereotypes. When we seek to compare views, we should make a balanced comparison. We shouldn't show all those who differ with us as the opposite extreme.

Moderate people, should compare their views to those of other moderate people. You wouldn't like others to say that all those who wear hijab are terrorists, would you? You wouldn't like them to say that those who agree with hijab want to force everybody else to wear it. So, it won't be fair when you use the same way of thinking with others. Always look for similarities instead of difference. What unites us as humans is much much more than any differences between us.

Daughter of Sheikh Hassan Al-Banna, founder of the Muslim Brotherhood, unveiled and wearing make-up

A Woman to Remember

The former Pakistani prime minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today. Bhutto, who was the leader of the main opposition party, died after bursts of gunfire followed by a suicide bombing. It was carried out minutes after she delivered a speech at an election rally in Rawalpindi, near the capital, Islamabad.

A brave woman in her life and death. A woman who looked death in the face.. She is a bold soldier who died fighting for the freedom of her country. Banazir Bhutto scared cowardly men, although they have all the power and authority in their hands.



Another light is out.. Another candle in the wind.. Another flame gone out.. Another voice silenced forever.



Seems that evil is winning nowadays. My tears shall never dry out, my courageous lady. You are one of a kind. You showed the whole what women are made of. It's time for you to rest in peace. And it's time for us to carry the torch. Shame on her who doesn't learn your lesson.

I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I just wanna do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through
The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I am coming out
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I've got to show the world
All that I wanna be
And all my abillities
'Cause there's so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them
Just understandI got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Everytime I hear:
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show

So many songs recently.. I know you noticed that I keep refering to my favorite songs a lot. But this one is my favorite of all time. I've been saying to myself that I'm coming out (of my shell), since I was nearly 12 or something. If you're interested in finding out more details about this phase of my life, you can check out my older post "Why I love my period".

I'm still singing the same song to myself until now. Every time a break a piece of my shell, I find more light and my heart throbs. I feel like I'm catching a brand new breath as I explore the endless world of possibilities ahead of me. Looking at the world through a window is so different from looking at it through a door. Imagine what taking a cruise in a car would do! Imagine riding a plane! Imagine having a satellite view. That's how I discovered my world, step by step. And with each step I would scream in excitement that "I'm coming out".

Now, as I'll be hitting 30 very soon, I like to view things backwards. Flashbacks are wonderful, not only in movies, but also in reviewing your life.. your own history. Today, I am counting all the milestones I've passed through the journey. I am also asking myself, "What if I didn't do any effort to come out of this shell?" What if I stayed there to enjoy the security of its walls and the cosiness of its tiny space?" "What if my eyes got used to its dim lights and silence?"

Answering those questions is not as easy as putting the word "not" before all my life achievements. It also involves searching for who I am now, and who I might have been. My own identity would have been completely ultered for sure. There would be a totally other person that would be a perfect stranger to me. Identity is not what they list on your ID card. It is much more complicated than that. I wish knowing one's self was that easy! Would have saved me a lifetime of trying to figure out who I am and what I truly want. Yet, as much as the discovery was exhausting, as much as it was enjoyable and amazing. What made it sour though, was the numerous obstacles that others put in your way to prevent you from reaching the truth.

Never before was I aware of the huge role that FEAR plays in our lives as I do now. I can claim that fear is the primary factor which controls people, societies, countries, and even history itself. People fear truth to a horrifying degree. They fear change, because it faces them with a new reality that they are not ready to accept. They fear accepting new realities because they are not sure whether they will fit. They fear losing control over their offspring, prefering to make them images of themselves. They fear that if their children had their own path, that they would be different. People fear difference. They see different people as enemies, and they fear their enemies. People fear the unknown (with all what it means). They are enemies of what they don't know. They fear to explore it. And they also fear knowing that they don't know.

So confusing, huh? I told you it's not an easy task. I was someone who was lucky enough not to have such fears. Maybe because I was young when I started playing with the unknown, children are not good at calculating risks. And I consider myself blessed that I broke out of this horrible fear. Today, I wish to reach out for everyone and grab them out of their fears. Remember when you first laid foot inside the sea? You were one the beach, your parenting were holding your hands, your feet barely touched the waters, yet you got scared. You got scared cause you didn't know where you were stepping. It felt different. It felt moist, not as solid as the ground. Fear took over you, before you could allow youself a chance to discover what the sea is all about. It prevented you from stepping inside. It paralyzed your brain. It caused you to run back to the safe ground that you are used to. But if you had given in to your fears, you would have never discovered the joy of swimming.

Some people think that if you never swim, you might feel safe. Swimming too far can get you into the risk of drowning after all, right? But if you stay completely out of water, there is no such risk. I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong. You are more at risk than anyone else. For if you happen to accidently fall, you will never be able to save yourself. You can even drown in shallow waters.

That's exactly how things work in life. If you give in to fears they will destroy you one way or another. You will be deprived of the joy of discovering new possibilities, as well as risking your life if you happen to face a situation that you are not ready for. People make all wrong choices out of very good wills. People are afraid of knowing themselves. They don't search for it, and decide to adopt what others tell them about themselves. They learn what the school wants them to learn and avoid other knowledge. They enter the colleges which others value to be the best, without caring to know what they really want to study. They get married because they reached the age when everybody else gets married, without understanding what marriage is about. They marry the ones who have the qualties that others praise in a husband/wife, without really knowing the persons they are marrying. They get babies because this is the next step, without thinking about the future of those children. They bring up their children in the same way that they were brought up, without daring to face the failure of this system. The cycle goes on and on. Nobody cares to come out of it. Nobody dares to discover what's out there. What they can be missing. What they are risking.

But I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show.