Wednesday, October 3

I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I just wanna do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through
The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I am coming out
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I've got to show the world
All that I wanna be
And all my abillities
'Cause there's so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them
Just understandI got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Everytime I hear:
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show

So many songs recently.. I know you noticed that I keep refering to my favorite songs a lot. But this one is my favorite of all time. I've been saying to myself that I'm coming out (of my shell), since I was nearly 12 or something. If you're interested in finding out more details about this phase of my life, you can check out my older post "Why I love my period".

I'm still singing the same song to myself until now. Every time a break a piece of my shell, I find more light and my heart throbs. I feel like I'm catching a brand new breath as I explore the endless world of possibilities ahead of me. Looking at the world through a window is so different from looking at it through a door. Imagine what taking a cruise in a car would do! Imagine riding a plane! Imagine having a satellite view. That's how I discovered my world, step by step. And with each step I would scream in excitement that "I'm coming out".

Now, as I'll be hitting 30 very soon, I like to view things backwards. Flashbacks are wonderful, not only in movies, but also in reviewing your life.. your own history. Today, I am counting all the milestones I've passed through the journey. I am also asking myself, "What if I didn't do any effort to come out of this shell?" What if I stayed there to enjoy the security of its walls and the cosiness of its tiny space?" "What if my eyes got used to its dim lights and silence?"
Answering those questions is not as easy as putting the word "not" before all my life achievements. It also involves searching for who I am now, and who I might have been. My own identity would have been completely ultered for sure. There would be a totally other person that would be a perfect stranger to me. Identity is not what they list on your ID card. It is much more complicated than that. I wish knowing one's self was that easy! Would have saved me a lifetime of trying to figure out who I am and what I truly want. Yet, as much as the discovery was exhausting, as much as it was enjoyable and amazing. What made it sour though, was the numerous obstacles that others put in your way to prevent you from reaching the truth.

Never before was I aware of the huge role that FEAR plays in our lives as I do now. I can claim that fear is the primary factor which controls people, societies, countries, and even history itself. People fear truth to a horrifying degree. They fear change, because it faces them with a new reality that they are not ready to accept. They fear accepting new realities because they are not sure whether they will fit. They fear losing control over their offspring, prefering to make them images of themselves. They fear that if their children had their own path, that they would be different. People fear difference. They see different people as enemies, and they fear their enemies. People fear the unknown (with all what it means). They are enemies of what they don't know. They fear to explore it. And they also fear knowing that they don't know.

So confusing, huh? I told you it's not an easy task. I was someone who was lucky enough not to have such fears. Maybe because I was young when I started playing with the unknown, children are not good at calculating risks. And I consider myself blessed that I broke out of this horrible fear. Today, I wish to reach out for everyone and grab them out of their fears. Remember when you first laid foot inside the sea? You were one the beach, your parenting were holding your hands, your feet barely touched the waters, yet you got scared. You got scared cause you didn't know where you were stepping. It felt different. It felt moist, not as solid as the ground. Fear took over you, before you could allow youself a chance to discover what the sea is all about. It prevented you from stepping inside. It paralyzed your brain. It caused you to run back to the safe ground that you are used to. But if you had given in to your fears, you would have never discovered the joy of swimming.

Some people think that if you never swim, you might feel safe. Swimming too far can get you into the risk of drowning after all, right? But if you stay completely out of water, there is no such risk. I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong. You are more at risk than anyone else. For if you happen to accidently fall, you will never be able to save yourself. You can even drown in shallow waters.

That's exactly how things work in life. If you give in to fears they will destroy you one way or another. You will be deprived of the joy of discovering new possibilities, as well as risking your life if you happen to face a situation that you are not ready for. People make all wrong choices out of very good wills. People are afraid of knowing themselves. They don't search for it, and decide to adopt what others tell them about themselves. They learn what the school wants them to learn and avoid other knowledge. They enter the colleges which others value to be the best, without caring to know what they really want to study. They get married because they reached the age when everybody else gets married, without understanding what marriage is about. They marry the ones who have the qualties that others praise in a husband/wife, without really knowing the persons they are marrying. They get babies because this is the next step, without thinking about the future of those children. They bring up their children in the same way that they were brought up, without daring to face the failure of this system. The cycle goes on and on. Nobody cares to come out of it. Nobody dares to discover what's out there. What they can be missing. What they are risking.

But I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show.


Anonymous said...

sing yakhti..sing le7ad ma tewsalli 80 years old. Hopefully you don't sing solo forever lol

littel angel (2alb el 2ased) said...

what a nice song ... but u must be aware of the level of thinking in our comunity ... try to make a mix between ur thoughts and the others culture may be after all u will not sing alone for ever as the anonymous person said...

Fantasia said...

little angel,
welcome and thanks for leaving your comment.
I really am not one of those who fear loneliness. I'm so unwilling to compromise my beliefs in order to gain social acceptance or a groom or whatever.
I have a mission. Please take a quick tour inside the blog to know all about it.

Amre El-Abyad said...

Iam proud of you Fantasia..........spread your mesage among you Egyptian counterparts

Amre El-Abyad said...

Iam proud of you Fantasia..........spread your mesage among you Egyptian counterparts

david santos said...


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Fantasia said...

thanks a lot for your support. This was so motivational. Wish to always make you proud. And be sure that I'll always do my best to spread the word.

اجندا حمرا said...

dear fantasia

such an impressive post as usual but i want to wish u first happy eid and many happy returns of the day
promise i will come back and read it line by line and comment again

kol sana wenti taiba my dear

Fantasia said...

Dear agenda,
Happy feast. Wishing you all the happiness that you deserve.
Waiting for your comment as promised.

اجندا حمرا said...

dear fantasia

as i promised u to come again and read your wonderful post line by line

still it is impressing and wonderful everytime i read something u write my dear

u dare to talk about the unknown,things we want them hidden,u make them clear infront of your eyes as well as ours

coming out:-)yeah it is so liberating to come out ,to face our most darkest secrets and fears cause if we stayed like we were as kids ,we will never evolve

we cant blame our parents for bringing us a certain way cause they thought it was the best way to bring us up but i think it still remains our duty to evolve and break the shell built around us since we were kids

as u said my dear breaking it not an easy task,it requires lots of courage,lots of honesty

without breaking it,we will stay the same and the world around us will keep on moving and if we cant move with it ,we r gonna stuck at the same place

i think every stage of our lives has helped building our personality

sometimes i sit by myself and ask her,what if i was able to change my reaction to a certain situation,would i have done that?i think and think and come to realize that at the end i wouldnt change it cause i was so sure about it at the time of doin it but maybe at a silimar situation later on when im evolved i will react differently because i am mature enough

we should be able to face our realities and break free from our shells to be able to live a life free from fear and everything tryin to get us down

thank u for the wonderful song and for the impressive thoughtful post fantasia

د /إياد حرفوش said...

Dear Fantasia,
This is even better that the latest I read two weeks ago. Maybe because I always wondered what it would be like when you write in subjects other than feminism. Actually you have put your hand on very valuable facts of life in your article. But are you sure you can overcome fears totally? can any one do?

Fantasia said...

dear agenda,
been a long time since i read your wonderful comments. thanks a lot for your support and praise. i was just trying to move the still waters. i was so happy to learn that you are trying to do the same with your life. i certainly wish that our voices would reach more and more females (and males too, they need to break free from many false ideas).
I chose "Fantasia" to be my name cause I wish to replace the false fantasies that fill our lives with new ones. The fantasies I have for the future are more realistic and definitely more human. They may be mere fantasies now, but I'm working on bringing them to earth. I started with my own life, and now it is my mission to help every girl out there to break free and cast away her fears.
Thanks agenda for your insightful comment. You are always such a great example and inspiration for all of us. Your insistence on being who you are and living by your rules, does not only grant you personal satisfaction, it is a flame by which you light the way for others to follow.

Fantasia said...

dear eyad,
welcome back. missed your thoughtful comments.
i want to tell you that this post strikes at the heart of feminism. This is the spirit that the whole movement was based on: being who you want to be, being who you can become, breaking down all the walls of false notions and traditions, casting away your fear of society and fear of being independent in a world that makes you dependent.
And to answer your question, I believe yes, it is possible. It is very hard and daring, but it is possible. There is a price for everything, and the price for freedom is battling with your fears.
We are the ones who allow fears to control us. Fears are man-made, mind-made. They don't exist in reality. We give them the way into our lives, we create our own fears and add up to them using our imagination.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid" - Audre Lorde