It's Time to Say: "Back Off!"

Hi again.. I'm saying 'HI' as I have recently come back from vacation. My absence was due to many reasons, none of which can be discussed here. Yet, from now on I can promise everyone that they would find a huge change with this blog. Let's make it a surprise..

Today I talk about sexual harassment.. Wait.. I know what you're thinking now. Please be patient.. No, it's not a "going-with- the-flow" kind of business. And no, it's not because I suddenly discovered (like many people pretend to do) that women are being harassed in Egypt! And no, I won't waste your precious time on the usual talk which is being reproduced here and there. Nonetheless, I can't hide how happy I am that Egyptians have (at last!) decided to speak up and publicly condemn this shameful practice, which had in fact turned into a massive plague during the past few years.

I'm glad that nowadays we openly admit that women are not safe in Egypt. And I salute the idea of the campaign launched by the Ministry of Tourism. One of their TV ads show a truck driver harassing a female tourist, who angrily complains that "this has never happened to her anywhere else." The ad ends by telling the harasser, "You're not the only one to lose. We all lose." They might have as well added the label "ONLY IN EGYPT", although I don't believe it's true. Still, we should admit that sexual harassment is not as widely practiced anywhere else as it is in Egypt. In fact, it has become part of an Egyptian female's daily routine! You wake up, get dressed, head to school or university or work, get harassed on the way, and then get harassed again on your way back home.

I really wish to see an ad asking men to stop harassing Egyptian women. Don't get me wrong. I encourage protecting tourists with all my heart. Their safety is the least we can guarantee them while they're visiting our land. But don't you think that we lose more by turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the daily suffering of our own women! Money is not the only thing to lose. And allow me to say that it is the last thing we should care about losing if we lose everything that makes us human.. I'm talking about honor and dignity.

This BCC report, titled "Egypt voices: Sexual harassment", is not only worth reading, but it is also worth writing about. In this report, several Egyptian girls talk about their personal experiences with sexual harassment. Up till here, there's nothing new. What's new is that those girls did so while showing their faces, stating their true names and professions! Now, many will consider this an act of outstanding courage. But I wanna tell you that one becomes that brave (or daring if you might say) when one loses hope. In other words, when you are fed up, and you realize that you're all alone and that things will never get better unless you scream out loud in the desperate hope that someone may overhear you. This does not decrease our respect for their courage, for it takes a very strong person to face a society like ours with such facts. There is no more "I heard that". There is no more "one of my friends got harassed". There is finally a confession in first person pronoun.. "I was harassed". And it didn't stop there, for they moved to describing real incidents.. what the harassers did to them and how they felt during and after this ordeal.

I don't remember how many times I have been verbally harassed. According to the latest survey, 4 out of every 5 females in Egypt get harassed on daily basis! This doesn't mean that the other 1 out of 5 were never subject to sexual harassment.. It simply means that they don't experience it on daily basis. And I believe that this is the first true figure to be announced about sexual harassment in Egypt.. or 'the cancer', as the The Egyptian Center for Women Rights calls it in its latest survey. However, I don't like this metaphor, as it makes harassment sound like it has no cure, while on the contrary, this disease can and must be cured. Its cure lies in the hands of many who have for long chosen to be passive and to simply live in denial. Finally, I'm glad to announce that we're waiting for a law that would punish sexual harassers. However, I don't trust how laws function in our dear third world countries. My own problem, I know.. but it may as well be yours if this law (in case it sees the light) didn't improve anything.

In my previous post I wrote about the ridiculous lollipop ad and warned that it will only serve to provide more support to harassers. I also said that females in this country have got the choice between allowing themselves to be reduced into inanimate objects, or fighting for their humanity and their basic civil rights in a safe street and safe means of transportation. I think it's time to be more specific about what is expected of a girl who values her humanity.

One of the girls interviewed in the report mentioned above said that her mother told her not to answer back to those who harass her. How many times have we heard this, huh? With all respect to our mothers who lived in a different Egypt and who safely wore mini skirts to university without ever meeting an indecent look or gesture.. this dusty advice can go straight to hell. Being raised in shame, swallowing all kinds of insult and abuse in silence so as not to disturb our patriarchal society in its sleep has caused us to reach this dead end we're facing today. Now, what should we wait for? For society to protect us?? Hahaha. Bogus!

I say we keep screaming. It's healthy. Better than increasing the repression and hiding the agony. It is time for this society to wake up and see what it has done to its women.. don't you think so? But meanwhile, you should also seek to defend yourself. Unless you care to stand up for yourself, nobody will care for you. You won't earn anyone's respect if you just keep enduring being slapped. You will turn from being the victim into being guilty. You will be the cross onto which society shall hang all its failures and rottenness. If you have respect for yourself.. and if you think that you deserve to be treated with respect.. raise your head up high and shake off all the shame and guilt that they laid on you. Defend your right and take back your street. Yes, it is yours! It's not Men's Street. It is your street as well. You are not an excess. You are not a lollipop or any goody they want to reduce you into. Put the shame on the one who deserves it. Make the insect who dares touch you or talk to you in an improper way see your disgust, and expose him in front of everyone.


Here are some final tips which are personally tested and proven to reduce harassment. Preventing it, though, would need a collaborative effort. Remember that by being passive you are not only harming yourself, but you are putting hundreds at risk. Think about it.

1. Have a serious look on your face whenever you're walking down the street. This would give any harasser an indication that you're not the quiet, shy kind of girl. He would be reluctant to approach you for fear that his assault might provoke you enough to scream and scandalize him.

2. When you ride a bus or metro, or if you are in a crowded place, don't look around you as if you are expecting to be harassed at any moment. Harassers smell weak girls who are already scared. They know that fear will paralyze you for a few seconds, and that is all they need. Instead, stand up straight. Act confident. Look people in the eye. And if you meet the eye of someone you suspect of being a harasser, don't ever look away. Give him a slight grim mixed with the "Don't-even-think-about-it" kind of look directly in the eye.

3. If you have to walk down a quiet inner alley, don't walk close to the buildings. This will encourage any harasser, because he knows that chances of you being noticed by passers by or inhabitants who might be present in their balconies is minimal. Instead, walk towards the middle of the street. You might think that hiding makes you safe, but in fact you are trapping yourself, being blocked from view. It is also recommended, in case you pass by this alley on daily basis, to save the number of the nearest police station on your mobile.. preferably saving it as "1police", for example. This will make it on top of your phone book list for a fast dial.

4. If you think you're being harassed, do not deceive yourself into mistaking it for a joke. Many girls endure inappropriate comments or gestures made by their colleagues, bosses, teachers…etc, trying to convince themselves that it is just their way of joking, or that those persons have a crude sense of humor! They think that rejecting these acts or being firm would cause embarrassment and unneeded tension! Baby, if you feel bad, awkward, offended, uneasy, or that something is wrong, then it has to be as such. Sugar-coating harassment won't make it sound any better. If you don't stop this early enough, the person who is harassing you (whoever he is.. and yes, he can be as old as your grandfather) will take it as a green light to proceed to more daring stuff. Don't be a willing victim. Denial always makes things worse.

5. If you get harassed, make a scene. This does not only teach your harasser a lesson, but it also makes you stronger as you discover how cowardly those harassers turn to be. You will be more able to defend yourself. Once you lose the fear.. fear of the harasser and fear of speaking out.. you will be amazed as you encounter less and less harassments. By then, you'd think that those insects that roam the streets have suddenly disappeared. But no.. The harassers didn't disappear.. it is the new you that they fear.

Retards Make It to The Atlantic

The money quote:
"You won't be able to stop them (i.e. guys), but you can protect yourself. He who created you knows what's best for you!"

Hello all the lollipops out there.. and the flies too. Hope everybody's is doing great in Candyland!

Well, I've -unfortunately- seen this stupid ad in many places around the internet. I even received it in an email! (Some of my buddies have gone into the habit of spamming lately.) When I first laid eyes on it, the only thing that came to mind was.. WTF? I felt disgusted and offended beyond belief. And every time I saw it on a blog or a Facebook group the same lump found its way to my throat.

Until, one day, I saw it on The Atlantic! Even Andrew Sullivan seems to have been moved by it. Yeah.. Voila.. It's right there in my face.. But this time there was something new about it. I thought I saw a tongue sticking out from behind the lollipops! Most probably it was the working of my insulted brain which in turn intoxicated my imagination. I rubbed my eyes, looked back again.. still nothing changed.. There is the stupid ad, the lollipops, the flies and the tongue!

Sandmonkey has said enough about this, that I need say no more. Although in his post he has reached an awkward conclusion assuming that hijabi females themselves are the ones responsible for this stupid campaign! (Why?.. No clue.) Wish such a disgusting ad would have stayed at home.. but uhuh.. that's just one of the disadvantages of Globalization.. Things cannot be kept at home for too long! Now, the whole world can see the latest inventions of the Egyptian mind! That's how Egyptians use the evil West's modern technology.. precisely, as manifest in Photoshop! See? Who on earth could have thought of this but us? It still is creative, if you can somehow bring yourself to take out the "sick" aspect of it.

Let's cast all that aside now, and please bear to look at this thing (sorry) from a fresh angle.. an Egyptian one as well.

I don't believe hijab propagandists have grown that desperate while seeking to influence more girls to wear hijab, knowing that almost 80% of Egyptian females today are hijab-wearers. What's freaking me out about this ad, though, is its indirect encouragement to sexual harassers!

Seeing this ad from a boy's eyes, the message is totally reversed from a presumably "religious", "pious", or "moral" cause, to an implication that sexual harassment is the norm, and that whoever dislikes it should make this clear by dropping down a veil over her head.. so as to say, become marked. You guys are thus being encouraged to direct your sexual advancements towards those who do not hold this mark.. the X.

Mind you.. How come we see no ads, stickers, flyers, posters or the like, telling guys to back off? or reminding them of the punishment of a sexual harasser in the afterlife? The doors of hell seem to be wide open exclusively to females!.. and in today's Egypt those females are defined as those who do not cover their hair! On the other hand, though, nothing whatsoever is said about male sexual harassers. Sometimes I even imagine that they are ready to place a reward for those who harass females down the streets or means of public transportation! And the message that is being transmitted all the time sounds like "Girls are asking for it. Girls deserve it. Girls are the source of evil. Girls are temptation. Girls are the ones who push you to sin, and if you give in to their temptation you are just a poor fellow, and it is totally human, and God will forgive you for being weak. But she.. she will burn in eternal hell."

I can't believe I'm about to do this.. But let me play a devil's advocate for a while.

Suppose that girls are asking to be harassed.. Supposed that they enjoy your sneaky hand exploring their bodies.. Suppose they are just pretending to be offended while in secret that is what they are seeking after.. And suppose that you are merely answering their call. Why don't you count your sister among them? Why don't you count your wife among them? Why don't you count your daughter among them? Are they immune? Or.. the question I'd better ask is.. Are they marked as untouchables?

Here it is. In a man's world you can not place any restrictions on men. You can not ask them to be moral, religious, God-fearing.. or even human. Most of them will be delighted by the thought of being considered as insects, as long as they are allowed to roam freely and indulge in every low desire. "So what? Call me an insect.. Fine by me. But let those lollipops be prepared for my adventures. Let them know that they can never hope to get rid of my jaws and my stinky tongue. Let them surrender to my rules."

Islamist Fundamentalists exploit this patriarchal rot seeking their own advantages. They are other insects of another kind, feeding on social fungus. For them, reforming manners and calling people to abide by high morals means their distinction. What will they feed on when there is no more rot? While the status-quo is so full of advantages.. that's their ultimate playground. That's why they can exercise their influence at full length. Patriarchs will appreciate this license to sin, while in return they will offer huge support to those fundamentalists.. after all, they are the ones in power.. they control society.. and those fellow insects will help them to gain more control.

Girls in this position have no choice. They are not doers, and they are brought up to believe that they can never aspire to be doers. They are the done-by. You either accept the marking system (the veil) or you are exposed to waves of criticism and rebuke for being the primary source of evil on earth. You can not break this affiliation between patriarchy and islamic fundamentalism.. it is a match made in heaven!.. and you are too weak to dare question their values.

But wait a minute.. Your submission is not solving anything.. not even for you. On the contrary.. it is making things much worse. By accepting to play the role of the lollipop, you are in fact declaring the death of humanity. You are the one building Candyland with your own hands. And you're building it for insects to enjoy! In Candyland, there are only lollipops and flies.. Flies are the living organisms, they rule.. lollipops are merely inanimate objects. Wrapped or unwrapped, they still are the same. Insects will consume you one way or another.

Believe it or not.. you can stop all this! You have the power within you to decide and choose, because you are still a human being. So, you can either choose to stay as such and change your society to better, inspiring them to stick on to their humanity, and refusing to be exploited in such a way.. or.. you can go ahead and surrender.. go with the flow.. be the lollipop and lose any hope in becoming a human being once more. It all lies within your hands.

Egyptian Men.. Wutz Up with You?

Egypt men say 'I don't' to woman marriage registrar

CAIRO (AFP) — The appointment this week of Egypt's first woman able to conduct Muslim marriages has sparked controversy in the religious country, particularly from men who see their status being challenged.

Amal Soliman, 32, is the first woman in the Middle East and possibly the Muslim world to be authorised to perform wedding ceremonies and sign marriage and divorce contracts.
Straddling the worlds of bureaucracy and religion -- two pillars of Egyptian society -- the graduate in civil and criminal law said she is "more qualified" than her colleagues to perform the function of "maazun".

Justice Minister Mamduh Mari stressed that Soliman's nomination depended on her abilities rather than on her gender, but it has raised eyebrows and anger on the streets in the male-dominated Arab country.

"I completely reject the idea," Mahmud Ali, a bearded 40-year-old, told AFP in Cairo. "There must be religious texts forbidding this... there are also obstacles on a social level, she would always take the woman's side."

"This idea won't spread, it's a one-off and it won't last."
Ahmed Abdel Rehim declared simply: "A woman cannot do this job. I would never have a female maazun at my wedding."

But officials, eager to portray an image of equality, welcomed the decision.
"I'm not shocked at all, it's a purely legal job, reading Koranic verses and conducting a marriage," said Ali Saman, former head of Al-Azhar University's religious dialogue committee.
"A maazun is a judicial assistant, a notary... so it's a job that women can do."

In 2005, US-based Amina Wadud sparked controversy in the Muslim world, including in Egypt, when she led prayers in New York, with some clerics saying it went against Islamic doctrine.
"A female imam (who leads prayers in a mosque) is different, that's to be debated by specialists but a female maazun who signs and officialises a marriage certificate there's no problem," he said.

"There are no religious texts banning a Muslim woman from being a maazun," said Al-Azhar's deputy director Sheikh Fawzi Zafzaf. "But when a woman is menstruating she must not enter a mosque or read Koranic verses and that will affect her job, so for this reason we say it is not advisable to have a woman maazun."

Women's rights in Egypt have a long and occasionally rocky history. Egyptian women were allowed to vote and stand for office in 1956. But they are notable in their absence from Egyptian courtrooms, even those dealing with family law. A first group of 30 women judges was authorised to practice in March 2007.

"Islam guarantees women's rights, whatever is said about the inferiority of women is a lie," said Zafzaf.

"Why not support women?" said Shawkiya Rawash, in her 50s. "If she can be an example to follow, if she manages to do her job well, why not? I'm in favour."
.................................................................................


And I'm in favor too, Shawkiya. Thank you so much. But, you know what? Egyptian men seem to have got issues with this..

Now, let's speak seriously, please guys. What's up with you, men? Huh?

Al-Azhar seems to me to be so messed up on this subject. And unfortunately, I've been one miserable victim who watched this issue being debated live on Egyptian TV. Gotta tell you.. I just felt SICK of all the biased trash I heard.

I've talked about this before in my comment on EFC's first post here. And I told her about Al-Azhar's unjustified objection to the court sentence in this case back then. This woman, Amal Soliman, has earned her basic rights through a long needless battle with the justice system. And even after that, the judge was reluctant, and he insisted that an official approval by the Fatwa Committee of Al-Azhar is a must for Amal to get her legal rights in holding her job.

I saw Amal Soliman on TV.. She is such a decent woman, and she has got all what it takes to have this job. She holds a masters degree in law, and her work experience has enabled her to beat 10 male candidates in order to become maazun. Moreover, she faced lots of unjustifiable complications, and was deprived of her right to start practicing her new job. But she didn't give up. She fought for her right. She filed a lawsuit against her employers, and got a court sentence in her favor. So.. Why the hell had Al-Azhar's committee denied her permission to get that job, and why the hell did they suddenly change their minds?

And please allow me to ask, WHAT THE HELL is Al-Azhar's deputy director saying?!!

I'm sorry. With all my respect to Al-Azhar and its men.. But this man doesn't seem to make any sense in his speech. And I am sorry to repeat his meaningless and contradictory statements down here.

He said, "There are no religious texts banning a Muslim woman from being a maazun."
Right.. Then why did Al-Azhar reject Mrs. Soliman's request the first time? And how can they forbid what God Himself has not forbidden? How can anyone dare to ban something, on religious basis, although God has never banned it?

OK.. Let's assume that they realized they were mistaken. Now, check out what Sheikh Zafzaf says right after: "But when a woman is menstruating she must not enter a mosque or read Koranic verses and that will affect her job, so for this reason we say it is not advisable to have a woman maazun."

Wait a minute! Did I just read this again? I really wish this is just a bad dream.. But did this man actually say "it is not advisable to have a woman maazun"? Come on! Are we kidding here or what?

Or.. Are we playing some kind of a very old game that men are never tired of playing? They give you something by one hand, and take it by the other.

Zafzaf, haven't you learned in Al-Azhar that lying is haram? I mean, this is a lesson we learn in 1st primary.. Yet, in your case, I assume that lying is not a good thing to do at all, since you are Al-Azhar's deputy director! Who are you speaking to please now? God or society?.. Or the beduin patriarchal society, to be more specific?

Zafzaf, you know that the maazun's job has got nothing to do with the mosque. And you know that the prayers said at the wedding are part of the cermony, not the legal process of writing and officiating the marriage certificate. Thus, you are misleading people - on purpose - to make them believe that this woman will actually hold the hands of the groom and the bride's father under a white handkerchief to recite the usual lines said at the wedding ceremony. Isn't this a lie Zafzaf? Aren't you twisting facts A LOT here? Isn't this a very bad and cheap con job?

And then you dare say, "whatever is said about the inferiority of women is a lie"!!.. Man, you've just said that this woman's period will affect her job!

Now, this is a double lie. You've discriminated against this woman, and all other women who would want to have the same job.. You've told people not to hire this woman for their weddings, for God's sake! And then you go ahead saying "the inferiority of women is a lie"?! That's way too much.. Seriously.

Zafzaf.. I'm sorry, but you don't belong to a respectable religious institution like Al-Azhar. You rather belong with some male chauvinistic movement . You are a disgrace to the position you hold, really. You deform Islam to satisfy your male buddies.

Thumbs down Azhar!.. Both thumbs down!.. And I will tell all my family and friends to hire this woman for their weddings. Shame on you men.


* I'd like to thank Raaasa for inspiring this post and providing the AFP link

The Scum Manifesto

An interesting book with a very interesting message. If you are a man who is generally angry at feminists, this would at least give you a good reason to be mad. But still, the message of the book remains intriguing.

The book is entitled The S.C.U.M Manifesto (Society for Cutting Up Men). It is written by Valerie Solanas, one of the most controversial and notorious women in American feminist history. She actually became famous after attempting to murder three men in 1968. She actually turned herself in to the police on the same day to make a statement about why she shot those men. She received a sentence of three years, and became a martyr by the time of her release. But she came out only to go on stalking those who escaped death on the day she shot them. She then spent the rest of her life in mental hospitals.

Solanas wrote The SCUM Manifesto on the same year she was charged with attempted murder. By then, she had been a playwright. Her first play, was to be produced by one of the men she wanted to kill. But apparently he never returned her script and only gave her a small role in one of his films as compensation. Later on, when she demanded that he returns the script or pay her for it, he claimed that he lost it and refused to give her any money for it. Solanas apparently did not need the money, because she used to self-published her works at the time. She was protecting her copyrights it seems, but her own way.. How dare he steal her script! One thing you must keep in mind buddy: DON'T MESS WITH AN ANGRY WOMAN.

Anyway.. Solanas' Manifesto was meant to be an attack on the patriarchal culture, promoting the idea of a violent revolution to establish an all-female society. What is most outstanding about the book is that in spite of its extremism and furious style, and aside from the violent message it conveys, it actually makes lots of sense when dealing with social analysis and scientific facts. (It gets most interesting when she describes her theory that a male is actually an incomplete female, which is the total opposite of the Freudian theory.) You wouldn't expect this to be the work of a mad woman! But everybody wanted to believe that this woman was mad.. This was the sixties, don't forget.

Below I shall list some of my favorite quotes from The SCUM Manifesto, and I will also provide a link where you can read the book in full text. Yeah.. That's a free bonus! Fanta's gift for Valentine. Enjoy :)

"Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.

It is now technically feasible to reproduce without the aid of males (or, for that matter, females) and to produce only females. We must begin immediately to do so. The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that is, it has an incomplete set of chromosomes. In other words, the male is an incomplete female, a walking abortion, aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.

The male is completely egocentric, trapped inside himself, incapable of empathizing or identifying with others, or love, friendship, affection of tenderness. He is a completely isolated unit, incapable of rapport with anyone. His responses are entirely visceral, not cerebral; his intelligence is a mere tool in the services of his drives and needs; he is incapable of mental passion, mental interaction; he can't relate to anything other than his own physical sensations. He is a half-dead, unresponsive lump, incapable of giving or receiving pleasure or happiness; consequently, he is at best an utter bore, an inoffensive blob, since only those capable of absorption in others can be charming. He is trapped in a twilight zone halfway between humans and apes, and is far worse off than the apes because, unlike the apes, he is capable of a large array of negative feelings -- hate, jealousy, contempt, disgust, guilt, shame, doubt -- and moreover, he is aware of what he is and what he isn't."

"Being an incomplete female, the male spends his life attempting to complete himself, to become female. He attempts to do this by constantly seeking out, fraternizing with and trying to live through an fuse with the female, and by claiming as his own all female characteristics -- emotional strength and independence, forcefulness, dynamism, decisiveness, coolness, objectivity, assertiveness, courage, integrity, vitality, intensity, depth of character, grooviness, etc -- and projecting onto women all male traits -- vanity, frivolity, triviality, weakness, etc. It should be said, though, that the male has one glaring area of superiority over the female -- public relations. (He has done a brilliant job of convincing millions of women that men are women and women are men). The male claim that females find fulfillment through motherhood and sexuality reflects what males think they'd find fulfilling if they were female.

Women, in other words, don't have penis envy; men have pussy envy. When the male accepts his passivity, defines himself as a woman... He then achieves a continuous diffuse sexual feeling from `being a woman'."

"There is no human reason for money or for anyone to work more than two or three hours a week at the very most. All non-creative jobs (practically all jobs now being done) could have been automated long ago, and in a moneyless society everyone can have as much of the best of everything as she wants. But there are non-human, male reasons for wanting to maintain the money system."

"Unable to give love or affection, the male gives money. It makes him feel motherly. The mother gives milk; he gives bread. He is the Breadwinner."

"[Money] Provide the basis for the male's major opportunity to control and manipulate -- fatherhood."

"Mother wants what's best for her kids; Daddy only wants what's best for Daddy, that is peace and quiet, pandering to his delusion of dignity (`respect'), a good reflection on himself (status) and the opportunity to control and manipulate, or, if he's an `enlightened' father, to `give guidance'... Daddy, unlike Mother, can never give in to his kids, as he must, at all costs, preserve his delusion of decisiveness, forcefulness, always-rightness and strength. Never getting one's way leads to lack of self-confidence in one's ability to cope with the world and to a passive acceptance of the status quo. Mother loves her kids, although she sometimes gets angry, but anger blows over quickly and even while it exists, doesn't preclude love and basic acceptance. Emotionally diseased Daddy doesn't love his kids; he approves of them -- if they're `good', that is, if they're nice, `respectful', obedient, subservient to his will, quiet and not given to unseemly displays of temper that would be most upsetting to Daddy's easily disturbed male nervous system -- in other words, if they're passive vegetables. If they're not `good', he doesn't get angry -- not if he's a modern, `civilized' father -- but rather express disapproval, a state that, unlike anger, endures and precludes a basic acceptance, leaving the kid with the feeling of worthlessness and a lifelong obsession wit being approved of; the result is fear of independent thought, as this leads to unconventional, disapproved of opinions and way of life.

For the kid to want Daddy's approval it must respect Daddy, and being garbage, Daddy can make sure that he is respected only by remaining aloof, by distantness, by acting on the precept of `familiarity breeds contempt', which is, of course, true, if one is contemptible. By being distant and aloof, he is able to remain unknown, mysterious, and thereby, to inspire fear (`respect')."

"The affect of fatherhood on males, specifically, is to make them `Men', that is, highly defensive of all impulses to passivity, faggotry, and of desires to be female. Every boy wants to imitate his mother, be her, fuse with her, but Daddy forbids this; he is the mother; he gets to fuse with her. So he tells the boy, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, to not be a sissy, to act like a `Man'. The boy, scared shitless of and `respecting' his father, complies, and becomes just like Daddy, that model of `Man'-hood.

The effect of fatherhood on females is to make them male -- dependent, passive, domestic, animalistic, insecure, approval and security seekers, cowardly, humble, `respectful' of authorities and men, closed, not fully responsive, half-dead, trivial, dull, conventional, flattened-out and thoroughly contemptible. Daddy's Girl, always tense and fearful, uncool, unanalytical, lacking objectivity, appraises Daddy, and thereafter, other men, against a background of fear (`respect') and is not only unable to see the empty shell behind the facade, but accepts the male definition of himself as superior, as a female, and of herself, as inferior, as a male, which, thanks to Daddy, she really is."


Reducing the female to an animal, to Mama, to a male, is necessary for psychological as well as practical reasons: the male is a mere member of the species, interchangeable with every other male. He has no deep-seated individuality, which stems from what intrigues you, what outside yourself absorbs you, what you're in relation to. Completely self-absorbed, capable of being in relation only to their bodies and physical sensations, males differ from each other only to the degree and in the ways they attempt to defend against their passivity and against their desire to be female.

The female's individuality, which he is acutely aware of, but which he doesn't comprehend and isn't capable of relating to or grasping emotionally, frightens and upsets him and fills him with envy. So he denies it in her and proceeds to define everyone in terms of his or her function or use, assigning to himself, of course, the most important functions -- doctor, president, scientist -- therefore providing himself with an identity, if not individuality, and tries to convince himself and women that the female function is to bear and raise children and to relax, comfort and boost the ego if the male; that her function is such as to make her interchangeable with every other female. In actual fact, the female function is to relate, groove, love and be herself, irreplaceable by anyone else; the male function is to produce sperm."

"In actual fact, the female function is to explore, discover, invent, solve problems crack jokes, make music -- all with love. In other words, create a magic world."


Read full text of The S.C.U.M Manifesto

How Much Does a Woman Pay for Divorce?

This time I pose the above question because I was so surprised to see that many people can't form a realistic image about the critical condition of divorced women in Egypt. I'd like to say that women who haven't undergone the painful experience have a big share in contributing to this unrealistic view. Our media, with all its messed up representations of almost all social groups, also played a very big role in shaping this image. This false image more or less originated after the law of khul' (a law which gives the wife the right to divorce her husband through court if she hates to continue living with him on the condition of returning back the amount of money paid by her husband as dowry at the time of marriage, and which also states the inability of husbands to appeal against their wives divorcing them) was approved by the Constitutional Court. It is as if a single law can wipe away long years of negative stereotyping and social discrimination practiced against divorced women.

It is true that this long-anticipated law (along with the introduction of family-court) came at a very critical time, and was actually the only hope for thousands of women who have been waiting for years for a verdict that would put an end to their miserable marriages. Going through many legal battles, years of waiting, going from court to court to follow the lawsuit, paying a big sum of money to lawyers, were never enough to ensure winning the case. Women faced many obstacles during hearings, and it is so difficult for most of them to prove that serious harm was inflicted on them by their husbands. That was because of the general trend among married men here, who refuse to divorce their wives no matter how bad their marriages have turned to be. The majority of men think that women have no right to decide when to terminate a marriage. It is taken for granted that such a decision is 100% masculine. A man can suddenly and unconditionally decide to divorce his wife, and the law even gives him the right to divorce her without her knowledge. He can then be kind enough to ask the police to notify his ex-wife, by sending her the divorce papers, or he can just disappear without ever caring to let this woman know whether she is still married or not.

Another reason why men refuse to divorce their wives has to do with money. According to the Islamic shariaa, a man who divorces his wife has to pay a fine (mo2a7'ar) which is already stated in the marriage contract, a monthly amount of money for children fees (nafaqah), and monthly payments for the ex-wife (nafaqet 3eddah+mot3ah) as long as she doesn't remarry. All this in addition to the wife's right to keep the appartment where she lived with her husband in case she has custody of their children who are under 12. Of course these financial rights will be lost if the husband refuses to divorce his wife officially. Men have the choice of verbally declaring divorce, which is considered a full divorce from a religious point of view, without going through the official procedures to authenticate this divorce on paper. In such cases, the Egyptian legal system is totally paralyzed. Women who are verbally-divorced have absolutely no authority to claim their financial rights. They have to file for divorce first, and if the court divorces them, then they can claim those rights. But the problem is that the judical system doesn't approve of verbal-divorce, except when the ex-husband confesses that he did actually tell his wife that she was divorced, which is useless of course!.. or if the wife can get witnesses who are ready to testify that they heard her husband while verbally declaring divorce, which is equally useless. In 99% of the cases, husbands who divorce their wives by saying "you are divorced" won't say it in front of witnesses. Besides, a husband can always object to the testimonies of the witnesses, and members of the wife's family are already considered as having weak testimonies.

The other option would be for the woman to pretend that she was still married. She will then try to convince the court that her husband has been harming her. Again she will have to face the dilemma of the witnesses, objections by the husband's lawyer, and the own estimation of the judge of what is considered to be real harm. Therefore, most wives had no other choice but to say that "this harm" was due to lack of sexual intercourse. Can any Oriental woman stand in front of judges and lawyers to say such a thing? Even if that was the only way to have a divorce, it is considered too shameful and scandelous.

Now, what happened with the khul'? Not a big difference in fact. A wife has to convince the court that she has experienced a "change of heart" towards her husband, which prevent her from giving him his shariaa rights (which is the polite term for sexual rights). In this case, she will be viewed by everyone as being an unfaithful wife, who probably has an affair with another man. This would be the only reason behind her mysterious "change of heart," what else can it be? So, as you see, a woman who resorts to this solution is risking her riputation. What good will divorce do her after that?

What if she doesn't want to mention this change of heart? Same dilemma. She has to prove that her husband is abusive or violent or that she was seriously harmed by him. Now, with khul' (also called no-fault law) it is different. She doesn't have to go through the same complicated process of proving physical harm. After all she is will pay for divorce, so it may be enough that she gets weak testimonies. Yet, the fact that the law does not strictly define the degree of harm sufficient to grant a woman's right to divorce leaves a big room for the estimation of the judge. You can now guess what that means. Women of low social status won't be taken seriously if they filed for divorce because of being hit by their husbands. It is generally accepted among low classes that men can be phyically voilent with their wives. And this doesn't seem to alarm anyone who belongs to this social class at all. The judge then believes that rejecting the case is in favor of this family. To him, this woman is just angry and will soon calm down. So what if her husband hits her? Did he hit the queen of England?

Another example on the absurdity of the word "harm" is the fact that polygamy isn't considered by some judges to be harmful enough to the wife who discovers that her husband had secretly married another woman. The fact that polygamy is authorized for men in Islam, makes many judges reluctant to certify that it is psychologically harmful to the first wife. Judges are men after all, and with male calculations, a verdict that permits a wife to have divorce when her husband marries another can cause a revolution among women. If all women had easy access to divorce, the majority of men won't be able to marry more than one. Even a judge is not brave enough to announce a final judgement concerning polygamy. But is it really that hard to tell whether polygamy harms the first wife or not?

I hope that by now it is clear for you to see that women don't really have much say in deciding whether to go on with their marriages or not. Those who are lucky enough to get off the hook are only a small percentage. Women care for their children much more than they care for themselves and are willing to endure anything for the sake of protecting those children. Therefore most women whose husbands refuse to divorce them won't have the guts to file a lawsuit against their kids' father. How can a mother subject her children to this ordeal? How will she appear in the eyes of those children when they see her standing against their own father in court? This is the absolutely unendurable thing for mothers. Can you see it now? While men have unconditional access to divorce, not having to even enter a courtroom to end their marriages, women undergo a long process of painful suffering and have to beg for their divorce! They are forced to stay with husbands they hate. They are denied justice in the legal system. And those who succeed to end their marriage carry a social stigma and face a wide social rejection that reduces them to the level of bacteria!

-"Did you meet the new employee?"

-"No. Is she here already?"

-"Yeah.. hmhm.. Take care, she's a divorcee."

-"In what way shall I take care?"

-"She will share the same office with you. You may think she can be a close friend."

-"And what's the problem with that?"

-"Oh, you innocently naive girl! Sure you don't want anyone to think you hang out with her."

-"Sorry, I really don't get it. Why won't I want that?"

-"Hey.. You're single girl. You don't want to harm your reputation in any way. What if a colleague wants to propose and then finds out that your friend is a divorcee?"

-"What will happen?"

-"Are you seriously that naive? He may change his mind."

-"That will be good. But why?"

-"You don't mean that for sure. Why?? He will have doubts about your behavior. What makes a single girl like you have a divorcee as a friend?"

-"Wow.. And will it be any different if I was married? Can you be her friend for instance while I can't?"

-"NO WAY! Will only be friendly around the office, but I must keep my distance."

-"Why? Doesn't your husband trust you?"

-"Of course he does. It's I who don't trust him. Not him as a person, you can't trust men in general."

-"What's the relation between not trusting and the new employee?"

-"If I ain't careful enough in keeping my distance, she may wish us to be friends outside the office."

-"What's wrong with that? Can't you have coffee with her in a public place or what?"

-"That's not the problem. She may call me at home. My husband may pick up the phone. She then might visit me at home, and my husband can meet her."

-"Oh, I see.. So, you don't allow any women to call you or visit you at home."

-"Not any women. She is a divorcee, don't you understand?"

-"No. I can never understand, and I refuse to accept such a thing. What is there to understand? What if I was the one who was divorced and she was the single girl? Would you be telling me this precious advice now? Please go to attend to your work and never mention such things again."

-"You are young and inexperienced. I was just trying to open your eyes. Do as you like, you will only blame yourself for not taking my advice."

-"Thanks ya madam. But I don't think I will ever blame myself for being human and fair. I don't care to please a suitor who will doubt my conduct if one of my friends is a divorcee. And I certainly won't marry someone that I don't trust. Even if he leaves me for her, I won't regret. Because then I will be sure that this man did not deserve me and therefore is not worth keeping. That's me and that's how I think. There's no place for your wisdom here I'm afraid."

Do I need to say more?.. Not only does a woman pay a very high price for divorce, but she also has to pay for it more than once.

Egyptian Women Are Never Wives.. Only Mothers

A couple of day ago I received a comment on my post "Desperate Housewives" asking me for advice on a very common problems which all wives face nowadays: the pampered husband, who was spoiled by his mother beyond repair, and who wouldn't give a hand with the housework or the kids even when his wife is about to drop dead of fatigue.

Before I go any further, here's the message I received:

"so what do you do when you are not like that but your husband demands it and expects it? he will not help, he will not pick up, he will complain about you not doing everything after all, he makes the money.... why arent you doing your job, when he is clearly doing his and bringing home the bacon??? what do you do if he will not watch the kids for 1 second?? you can either chase the kids all over the place, or you can ignore them like he does, while one puts his fingers in the electric socket, and the other tries to test how sharp the scissors are when he pokes them into his open eyes! and accidents have happened before, so you know he will realy not look at them , and they will get hurt!!! so do you keep on doing what you have to do? do you leave him??? is it worth leaving him?? what if he is nice and loving and supportive, but just useless around the house and with the kids?? what do you do when you are overwhelmed and feel like there is no way out?? do you destroy your family go home and sit next to your parents if you dont work? do you destroy your family and live alone with the exact same responsibilities and less money if you do work? how do you change an egyptian husband? how do you throw all the garbage he learned from his mother out the window, and help him learn to be an equal partner?? do you let your kids get hurt because he is careless? do you live in filth because he doesnt pick up after himself? do you go hungry because no one will help in the kitchen? what are you supposed to do?? Do you just put up with him, and work realy hard night and day to go to work, clean the house,make dinner, feed the kids, pay the bills, do the laundry, while he sits on the couch and watches TV, or goes out to hang with a friend, or invite a friend over to watch a soccer match?? what's a girl to do??? i know i will teach my sons to be supportive husbands... but what about me?? fighting doesnt work, yelling and screaming dont work, asking nicely doesnt work!how do you cure years of wrong upbringing without wrecking your life in the process??"

If this sounds familiar to you.. or if you know of someone who's facing the same problem.. or if you have fears about meeting the same fate.. then listen up.. that's something you also should know.

First of all you should never give up on yourself. If you do, then don't expect any better from anyone else. If you believe that you are not getting the treatment you deserve, don't swallow the disappointment in silence and just decide to give in. You must clearly define the line the seperates sacrifice from being taken advantage of. When you allow youself to be drained off by a selfish partner, you are not doing anybody any good, and I've explained that in the previously mentioned post. The burden will keep on piling up until it breaks your spine and your spirit as well. Your marriage will roll down hill so swiftly, that after years from now, you won't be able to figure out a meaning for your life. All the joys will lose their sweetness, cause bitterness has a much stronger taste that covers up anything else. So, don't give up trying to fix your family life. Several failed attempts are not the end of the world.

If you honestly believe that your kids are not safe with their father, then I'm sorry to tell you that you ain't safe either. A man who will harm his kids just because he can't take good care of them, or because he prefers to lie in his laziness, is not someone that you can feel safe with. He is clearly insane. But you say that he is kind and loving. If you trust that, then the kids will just be fine with him.

Now, here's the trick. Men like your husband will do their best to lower the expectations of their wives about what they can do around the house. Give them a simple thing to do and they will make a mess. Tell them to take care to the kids and they will make you regret it. They want to send the message "you cannot depend on me honey. I'll screw things up for you. I'm not good at those things. You are the expert. This family will be much better and safer if you take care of everything youself."

It is true that Egyptian mothers spoil their kids, especially the boys. Most men live with their parents until they get married. And as I said before, they marry another mother instead of a life partner. So, if you fit in this new role, he will be so comfortable and go on with his life in the same way without ever reaching maturity. His mother spoiled the kid and the young man, but you are spoiling the husband and the father. So, by allowing him to sit on the couch switching channels while you are head to toes into housework and taking care of the kids, you are committing a bigger crime. This man will never experience what it is to be a husband or a father. He will never mature, thanks to you. Now, don't get mad when you are rushing to get those kids ready for school while he comes up to you with a button in his hand saying, "this button came off while I was wearing my shirt. I need it done quickly. I can't think of something else to wear." He is another one of the kids. You need to dress him up for work too! He holds the button desperately in his hand, needing you to work your motherly magic to get it back into its place. He has no idea about how you perform this amazing art of sewing. And he certainly doesn't want to know anything about the process. He prefers to view it as a mysterious trick that only you, mama, can perform.

You will be amazed when you learn that this same man can take very good care of himself. If he happened to live alone, even for a short period, ask him about how he managed his life then. He cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, paid the bills, ... and everything just went fine. Or.. He can tell you about his memories back in college when he and a group of male friends spent the summer together. They all worked in harmony to keep the place they rented clean. They prepared delicious snacks. They went to buy grocery. They had to wash their clothes manually, cause they couldn't afford to get a place with a washing machine. And to drive you crazy, he will laugh and say how much they enjoyed doing these thing. He wishes those old days would be back.

So, what has happened? Heaven sent him a second mother. You. He must make use of that. But wait.. it's not because he is evil. He simply can't get himself to do women's work when there is a woman in the house. Men make fun of husbands who help their wives with the housework. They tell jokes about men who love cooking (although cooking is an art). They consider male hairdressers, fashion designers, make-up artists, (in short any man who is in a business serving women) to be gays! That's the whole male-culture. They consider those who do women's work as not masculine, that is to say, they are less-men. How can a manly man wear a kitchen apron and stand in the kitchen peeling onions? The media had also played a role in stressing this false belief. Basic survival skills like preparing your food, cleaning your place, washing your clothes, are considered by men to be low jobs. Something for maids and women. This was the classic belief in times when women were thought to have lower IQs than men. But it continued to survive even after this was proven to be totally false, and even in the 21st century. This male-culture has to keep reproducing the same false ideas in order to keep male advantages secure. So, your husband can't make fun of someone and then go back home to do exactly what the victim of his redicule was doing.

Does that mean that there is nothing to be done to fix that? Of course not. There are two ways to solve this problem:

1. Forcing him to help, which you already tried with no avail. Some men will only feel forced to do things when their wives are not around. Like if you had to travel, for example.

2. Bringing him up. He is still a dependent child, and the only way to fix his mother's mistake is to continue the process where she abandoned it. It becomes your duty to lead him into real manhood and maturity. Talk to him and educate him (of course without making him feel that he is immature). Most wives think that husbands already know how they feel, and so they don't talk about it to avoid being pitiful. Yet, he truely has no exact idea about the pain and the frustration that you are suffering from. He isn't totally innocent, but he is not the grown up man that you thought him to be before marriage. Talk to him about the dream you had of the perfect family, and how you imagined your relationship to be like. Tell him that you fear that you are drifting away from that beautiful image, but that you are not willing to give it up. You (both) want and you deserve a perfect family. The happiness of this family depends on you both. Tell him about how you feel when you watch him being idle while you are exhausted and stressed with overwork. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. Ask him about how he would feel and what he would think. Ask him to predict how this will affect your relationship as time goes by. Is it bringing you any closer? Is it making him any happier? Would he really be happy if for the sake of enjoying his full spare time now, he is risking the future of his marriage? Does this hour in front of TV deserve having a silent marriage for a lifetime.. where each one of you dwells in his own world? Be sure to tell him that you know what men think about housework, that you understand the psychological barrier that is preventing him from helping you. Let him say that his love to you and his family is stronger than any false conceptions that might prevent you from reaching happiness and intimacy. Let him suggest a list of things that he thinks he can do around the house. Ask him if it is too difficut for him to collect the laundry, seperate the light and dark colors, put each group in the machine with soap and press a button. Make it sound easy and fun.. Just as if you are teaching a kid. If he screws up once, be patient. Gently tell him what was wrong and make sure you encourage him to try again. Praise everything he does, but without exaggeration. Encourage him to spend some quality time with the kids, not just watch over them. Kids who have early memories which involve both parents are always happier and smarter.

Marriage is a lifelong investment. If you never receive any profits, you will go bankrupt at any moment. Let your investment grow by seeking profit for all members of the family.. you included.

I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I just wanna do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through
The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I am coming out
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I've got to show the world
All that I wanna be
And all my abillities
'Cause there's so much more to me
Somehow, I have to make them
Just understandI got it well in hand
And, oh, how I've planned
I'm spreadin' love
There is no need to fear
And I just feel so good
Everytime I hear:
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show

So many songs recently.. I know you noticed that I keep refering to my favorite songs a lot. But this one is my favorite of all time. I've been saying to myself that I'm coming out (of my shell), since I was nearly 12 or something. If you're interested in finding out more details about this phase of my life, you can check out my older post "Why I love my period".

I'm still singing the same song to myself until now. Every time a break a piece of my shell, I find more light and my heart throbs. I feel like I'm catching a brand new breath as I explore the endless world of possibilities ahead of me. Looking at the world through a window is so different from looking at it through a door. Imagine what taking a cruise in a car would do! Imagine riding a plane! Imagine having a satellite view. That's how I discovered my world, step by step. And with each step I would scream in excitement that "I'm coming out".

Now, as I'll be hitting 30 very soon, I like to view things backwards. Flashbacks are wonderful, not only in movies, but also in reviewing your life.. your own history. Today, I am counting all the milestones I've passed through the journey. I am also asking myself, "What if I didn't do any effort to come out of this shell?" What if I stayed there to enjoy the security of its walls and the cosiness of its tiny space?" "What if my eyes got used to its dim lights and silence?"

Answering those questions is not as easy as putting the word "not" before all my life achievements. It also involves searching for who I am now, and who I might have been. My own identity would have been completely ultered for sure. There would be a totally other person that would be a perfect stranger to me. Identity is not what they list on your ID card. It is much more complicated than that. I wish knowing one's self was that easy! Would have saved me a lifetime of trying to figure out who I am and what I truly want. Yet, as much as the discovery was exhausting, as much as it was enjoyable and amazing. What made it sour though, was the numerous obstacles that others put in your way to prevent you from reaching the truth.

Never before was I aware of the huge role that FEAR plays in our lives as I do now. I can claim that fear is the primary factor which controls people, societies, countries, and even history itself. People fear truth to a horrifying degree. They fear change, because it faces them with a new reality that they are not ready to accept. They fear accepting new realities because they are not sure whether they will fit. They fear losing control over their offspring, prefering to make them images of themselves. They fear that if their children had their own path, that they would be different. People fear difference. They see different people as enemies, and they fear their enemies. People fear the unknown (with all what it means). They are enemies of what they don't know. They fear to explore it. And they also fear knowing that they don't know.

So confusing, huh? I told you it's not an easy task. I was someone who was lucky enough not to have such fears. Maybe because I was young when I started playing with the unknown, children are not good at calculating risks. And I consider myself blessed that I broke out of this horrible fear. Today, I wish to reach out for everyone and grab them out of their fears. Remember when you first laid foot inside the sea? You were one the beach, your parenting were holding your hands, your feet barely touched the waters, yet you got scared. You got scared cause you didn't know where you were stepping. It felt different. It felt moist, not as solid as the ground. Fear took over you, before you could allow youself a chance to discover what the sea is all about. It prevented you from stepping inside. It paralyzed your brain. It caused you to run back to the safe ground that you are used to. But if you had given in to your fears, you would have never discovered the joy of swimming.

Some people think that if you never swim, you might feel safe. Swimming too far can get you into the risk of drowning after all, right? But if you stay completely out of water, there is no such risk. I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong. You are more at risk than anyone else. For if you happen to accidently fall, you will never be able to save yourself. You can even drown in shallow waters.

That's exactly how things work in life. If you give in to fears they will destroy you one way or another. You will be deprived of the joy of discovering new possibilities, as well as risking your life if you happen to face a situation that you are not ready for. People make all wrong choices out of very good wills. People are afraid of knowing themselves. They don't search for it, and decide to adopt what others tell them about themselves. They learn what the school wants them to learn and avoid other knowledge. They enter the colleges which others value to be the best, without caring to know what they really want to study. They get married because they reached the age when everybody else gets married, without understanding what marriage is about. They marry the ones who have the qualties that others praise in a husband/wife, without really knowing the persons they are marrying. They get babies because this is the next step, without thinking about the future of those children. They bring up their children in the same way that they were brought up, without daring to face the failure of this system. The cycle goes on and on. Nobody cares to come out of it. Nobody dares to discover what's out there. What they can be missing. What they are risking.

But I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show.

In Response to Your Comments

Some of my dear friends (namely the alien and yasmine) took my previous post to mean that the fight for women rights is a pure female thing and insisted that men can also play a role in this movement, that of supporters. I thus found it necessary to clarify my position on this issue, which I hope would also act to define the shape of the female movement I had in mind while writing "A Woman with a Dream".

The formation of a human rights movement can never turn into an exclusive club for the oppressed victims to yell and scream. This will be a comic and pathetic act. Only the hopelessly powerless and mentally paralyzed will resort to such a thing. I myself do not like this approach, which unfortunatelyt some of those who call themselves feminists have adopted (whether in their writings or their lectures). That's why you will find me here always trying to inspire and motivate rather than curse and lament. I try as much as possible not to be personal, to make it clear that I'm addressing my whole sex, while not forgetting to pass on a message to men as well. We can't commit the same mistake (that men did) of disregarding half the world's population, when discussing our issues. So, we have to involve them, even if they don't want to get involved. But how?

Well, the way I see it, men will hurl to our help once we have a solid movement, but never before that. Those who sympathize with our cause now are still very few, and most of them don't practice what they preach at home. We do need the support of others. Yet, those others are our oppressors, we should never forget that. We must work on changing their inferior view of women, first, to be able to get their support after that.

Although I agree that there are women who stand against women when it comes to female liberation, I also know that they don't do it out of the same motives of men. They are too dominated by male authority and beliefs. So, we can't put both victims and oppressors in one basket and say we should all make the change together. I believe this is so misleading. What I suggest is a movement intiated by women that works on multiple levels:

1. Raising awareness among females and empowering them for change.

2. Forcing society to change its negative image and oppressive rules against women.

3. Challenging the partriarchal status quo by providing a human alternative based on equality and mutual respect.

4. Working on the political level retrieve women rights in the legal system (changing laws) and in ascending to high positions in their countries.

Each level involves many details for action which I won't be able to discuss here; maybe another post. Once we lay down the foundation to this movement, men will offer their help to be able to find a place in this new order. Because those who will insist to stand against such a growing movement will naturally become in danger of marginalization and isolation. Just like what happened with the emancipation of slaves. There were those who were not convinced by the concept and stood totally against it, until they found themselves alone in a changing world, so they were forced to change.

I'm not saying that male support in general doesn't come out of good intentions. I'm just saying that in order to gain serious support from them, we have to act serious about our cause first. We have to find our own voices before we ask others to join us. That is if we want actual change, and we're not after listening to beautiful slogans of which nothing comes true. I myself am tired of all the good talk around. I want to see action. And for an action to take place, victims must stand up on their feet and say NO MORE. That's the bottom line.

Men of the World.. Get Lost

In an earlier post I've discussed a book which prophecized the end of the male species. This time, however, I am not discussing the biological failure of males and the need for them to extinct for environmental balance. I'd rather talk about the social side and why societies have deteriorated whenever they were male-dominated.

Far far long ago, societies were all led by the female, that's what anthropology teaches us. A woman was the leader of her tribe, which mainly consisted of her family members and children. This was the early beginning of what later on was to be called "society". A female leader was able to protect her tribe, organize its life, nourish it, and teach it different skills. She would never think about harming anyone from another tribe. She would never think about making men slaves for the women of the tribe. The idea of ownership itself was not there. Resources were out there given by nature for everybody. (Politics would later on define the need for ownership and struggle to be due to the growing number of people as opposed to limited resources, but that's not our issue here.) What I'm talking about is a point in time when women led their society and were successful, but had no greed or control aims.

Now, what happened later was that men would always look at the land of their neighbours, the cattle they had, the crops, the women ..etc. Then they would go and fight with them to get it by force. The idea of ownership then evolved, there came to be the concept of "this is yours and this is mine". In this new world view, and as men were the ones whose job was to steal things to make them their own, including women of other tribes, they decided that they should rule the members of their new communities.

In the old system, a woman definitely knew her children because she was the one who gave birth to them. On the other hand, a man didn't know his possible connection to those children, he would sleep with a woman and move away, nine monthes after she gives birth without understanding that this man played any role in creating them. But in the new system, women had to convince the man that her children are his also, to be able to protect them and provide for them. He now owns everything and he leads the tribe, so the fate of those helpless children lies within his hands. But how can she convince him that those children are his??

A clever woman then came up with the idea of naming her child after his father, and she would go to him and say this is your son, his name is your name, he is yours, you own him. The idea appealed to men of course. This new system now also enables them to own human beings who hold their names and who can help them in their domination plans (fighting, stealing, building new shelters). Men came to see children as an advantage, and would be kind to women who bring them lots of children. They then would own the mother as well, she is the factory of their own kids and noone else can share her. A man has to be sure that he is raising his own blood, so if the mother of his children happens to play around she is kicked out of the tribe and her children would not have his name.

Now what's next?.. accordingly, the idea of pure blood became an obsession and women were confined to their tribes. They will not to go on trips as they used to in the old days. They can't go to explore the land or plant the seeds as they were used to. (By the way, women were the first who discovered the secrets of the soil and planting, they are the ones who invented agriculture.) So, men were given all the jobs that required outside cruising. They would also plant and they would bring the crops home for the women to store them and prepare daily meals. Women stayed home to give birth, feed their babies and their cattle. What an interesting life!

But how successful were men in leading their societies? Well, this system is what we now call the patriarchal society, where men lead and dominate everything, leaving almost no room for anybody else. This full domination came to control women not only physically, but intellectually and psychologically as well.

Patriarchal societies lack lots of human values, like equality, justice, respect for the other, freedom, democracy, beauty, peace, tolerance, and many others. As I've previously discussed in my post "Power, Politics and Gender", men have proved to be control freaks. They would stop at nothing to fill their greed and lust, no matter who they crush in the process. They are drunk with power and they don't care if the whole world would turn into flames as long as they will stay stand on the top of the heap of ruins. They don't believe in evolution and the changes happening around them. They want to freeze everthing around them, as if it is a DVD movie that they can pose on the image of Si Sayed. They want to keep on enjoying all the advantages without ever sharing them with anyone else. They raise their sons to become the same dictators and they raise their daughters to become slaves, so that their cycle of control and oppression will never be broken. They brainwash the women in order to make them believe that they can do nothing better in life than to serve them and their children.

Everywhere you go there are men telling you what you should do. They design the syllabus at schools, they are the priests at church and the sheikhs in mosques, they are the controllers of media, they are the movie producers, they are the song writers, they are the historians, they are blocking every tiny space that would allow you to see the light.

In order for our societies to evolve those men should get lost and allow us some air. They've already done much damage with their blind desire for control. Don't wait for them to throw all of this long history and to break the vicious cycle of their grandfathers out of good wills. THEY WON'T. Like all the dictators, they won't leave their thrones or quit their oppressive ways until they die. The only way to change such a system is a revolution, a revolution that would set things right.

But some naive women are waiting for men to make this revolution for them. Imagine how silly and lazy some women have become!! Have you ever seen a master make a revolution for slaves? When will we wake up? When will take our destiny into our own hands and change this bleak picture? If not for us, let it be our gift to the coming generations who don't deserve to find the world the way we found it. For their sake let's say, "Men of the world, Get Lost!"

Medusa's Head

She was beauty itself, dazzling all, an imposible prize, the forbidden fruit, a heavenly combination of feminine charms, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors" _ Ovid.
She's a nymph turned into a monster. The scariest image that human imagination have carved through history. She's Medusa.

All of what remained and what we now came to know and see of Medusa is her scary head, screaming an endless horrified scream as the Greek hero Perseus succeeded in cutting it off. Poor thing, she is doomed to be always remembered as such, pathetically ending up on a Versace logo!

How many of us know the tragic story of Medusa? The beautiful nymph, who was the dream of every god and mortal. She would never yield to any show of affection or a generous suitor hoping to lock her up as a precious possession. She loved life, and loved to keep her beauty an eternal inspiration to poets and artists. But one of the male gods decided to put an end to her arrogance. Inside the temple of Athena, while she was praying and thanking the gods for bestowing her with beauty, in came the monster, the sea god Poseidon, and he raped her.

In hatred of herself and the world, Medusa asked the goddess Athena to have pity on her and protect her from men. Her wish was granted. The goddess transformed Medusa's beautiful hair into serpents and made her face so terrible and scary that any man who would dare to look at her will immediately turn into stone. In that way, Medusa chose to forsake her beauty in order to find security and to enjoy the sight of men turning into stone, horrified at the sight of her monstrous face.Still she wasn't left alone. While Medusa was pregnant by Poseidon, King Polydestes of Seriphus sent the hero Perseus on a mission to cut off Medusa's head and bring it back to him. Perseus wasn't as heroic as it would seem. He succeeded in the mission by having a cap which makes him invisible and a pair of winged sandals and a mirrored shield. In that way, he could look at Medusa in the mirror instead of looking directly to her face. No wonder it was a piece of cake, but the myth was turned up-side-down to praise the bravery of the hero who wasn't scared of Medusa, the source of terror for men.

The reason why I told you all this long story is to make you see how any female who dares to challenge male arrogance, even if for the mere sake of self-protection, would not only end tragically, but will have a memory that will serve to make them heroes and make her a devil. Medusa was only the beginning. A memorial to all other women so as not to dare think like her (believing they could overcome men or threaten them), and to all men so that they will never allow any woman to challenge them and cause them fear. She should be uprooted, her head should fly, and her reputation has to suffer. Doesn't it sound familiar?

All those who call for women rights nowadays are given a bad name. The whole concept of feminism has grown notorious all of a sudden! No wonder why when a woman is labelled to be a feminist she is described by the worst adjectives and it doesn't hurt to call her a lesbian in doing so. If you feel proud of your gender and celebrate being a woman, then you are a whore. If you call for emancipation and freedom, then you are devil seeking to doom your society and distory its ethics! Yeah.. "ethics".. hahaha. If you seek for your independence and your right to live your life by your rules, then you are an outcast. If you don't want to wear the veil then you are an athiest. If you want to have a career, then you are a man. If you care about serious issues and want to make a difference in the world then you suffer from a psychological complex.

But if you hate being a woman, if you dispise your body, if you repeat what men say about you, it is a virtue. If you don't have any serious goals or aims in life, it is perfectly ok. If you are a lazy ass, wanna sit at home, do nothing and live your life as a parasite waiting for the man to feed you, then you are most welcomed. If you hate your life and look forward to death in order to find peace, then you are religious. If you're all covered up in black, then you are respectable. If you do nothing creative or constructive, good job, you know you should leave such things to men. If you never had your own opinions or views, then what an excellent thinker you are! If you see your only role in life is to amuse your husband and get children, then you have reached the ultimate wisdom.
What a sick society!


What this society doesn't care to see is that it has turned all of its women and girls ino Medusas.. Silent, undercover Medusas, each seeking shelter and revenge in her own way. But in doing so many of them have become so destructive, that one generation after the other will pay the price. The living corpse wrapped in black will extend her shrouds to wrap it wround everybody's neck. She won't let anyone escape the clutches of her black ropes. The parasitic creature will add up to the poverty of her nation. The idiot who hides behind her lack of personality and talent, will add up to the ignorance and poor culture of her country. The physical factory of sex and breeding will only add the number of miserable creatures in this pathetic society.

However, today's Medusas won't wait for someone to cut off their heads, cause their heads are useless. They live under the cover of blind obedience, while they are only destroying a society that refuses to treat them as full humans. The horror that they pose is not visible to the eyes of men, but is a thousand times more destructive, cause it's turning a whole society into stone.

Patriarchal societies have for long sold the lie that danger lies in the head of a thinking woman. Yet, a true Medusa's head is a woman's empty head. So, next time you see a woman fighting for her independence and freedom, don't freak out. And when you see a girl who embraces life and focuses on her goals, don't make fun. And when you see a girl who aims high or doesn't put marriage as a priority, don't come up with the stupid conclusion that she's got some psychological complex. And when you get ignored by a girl, grow up and don't take it as a personal challenge to bring her on her knees. If you really wanna be a man, compete in a mature and responsible way. Try to be as successful and as focused as a girl is. Yes, imagine! There's nothing wrong in taking after a woman. There's nothing wrong in admitting that a girl is worthy of respect and that there can be things to learn from her. Try to quit the childish ways of "I'm the best and she must come after me". Try to co-live instead of crushing a fellow human in order to prove a false concept. Try to see the beauty of a world where varity means intigration, not where someone has to be better than the other. Try to understand the true facts of life before those hidden Medusas turn this life into hell. Beware!

A Woman for Love

She is the woman in the past of every Egyptian man. She is the one in the shadow. She hides in his imagination and memories. She is the woman who is cursed for being smart, or talented, or independent, or free thinking, or daring, or beautiful. She is attractive and intriguing. She's the one with whom you can never get bored, and with whom you can really have a conversation going. She may have a sense of humor and a quick wit. She may understand you from a glance and she may get under your skin in a blink of an eye. She's all that a man dreams of.. in love, only love, just love, no more.

When it comes to having a family, a man totally shifts his criteria. He wants the meek, the shy, the conservative, the veiled, the dependent, and, most important, the submissive. He wants someone who can never be his equal or pose a challenge to his mind. He looks for someone who is born for the home, with no ambitions of her own, no ideas of her own, and certainly no individuality. He looks for his mother, who was always there to take care of everyone while forgetting herself in the process.

It is amazing how the same man forgets his old love and what used to like in a woman. The spark of intelligence in his woman's eyes he now finds scary. How can he live under the same roof with such a tigress? How can he tame a woman who has her individual personality and independent thinking? She poses a threat to his manhood. She will never practice the blind obedience of his mother and grandmother. And she will definitely cause trouble.

But do these factors mark her as unfit to be a wife? I believe, in our male dominated society, they do. An Egyptian wife has a specific image. It is like a mold, if a woman can't fit into it, then she can't become a wife. If she really wants to have this "honor" she has to give up all her qualities and conform to societal demands. She has to become the typical woman who only cares about cooking, cleaning, satisfying her husband and getting him children. She must follow the footsteps of her master and never take decisions on her own. She must agree that she is less than him in everything. And she must raise her male children to think that she, as well as their sisters, are less than them.

So it's a woman's destiny to lead a life of sacrifice. She can sacrifice herself, her personality, her dreams, her ambitions, her humanity, or she can sacrifice her love, her right to start a family, and her motherhood. Her choices are limited into being a woman for love, or a tamed wife. I am afraid that in our societies a woman is squeezed into one of those two categories; she is either one or the other, but never both.