Part 2: The Secret of the Sacred Bitch

Epilogue

So, why do I scare you so much? I do wonder!

Is it the divinity in me? Something that I cannot help being.

Was there no other possible way of getting even other than dragging me in the mud, dumping me into the whirlpools of shame, cutting off my throat, burning me, and scattering my remains in hell? Can't you see, you fool, that you're becoming my slave once more? You sure are, for you're dedicating your life to demonizing me, you idiot! And it's not doing you any good. It's not doing anybody any good. Look around you, the whole life lies in ruins.. wounded beyond healing. Just because of the stupidity of a bunch of psychotic idiots who started this machinery in motion.. your glorious grandfathers! Yeah, smile, sucker! You've inherited every bit of their chauvinism, bigotry and greed.

Smile idiot!

Flashback

At the age of 9, I went on a field trip with my class to the Pharaonic Village in Giza. It is a living museum, a miniature of how life used to be like in Ancient Egypt. What a charming trip it was! We sailed down canals which go through the whole village, passing by replicas of tombs, temples, houses.. watching actors planting, making paper out of papyrus; women weaving and making perfumes. It all left me mesmerized. And that same year I would ask Santa to bring me a time machine! Imagine a kid experiencing this type of nostalgia. Life sucked back then, but definitely it wasn't anything like how it sucks right now.

*Sighs* OK, so we were on this boat, with a nice guide from the Village who told us all the stories behind what we were seeing. We stopped by many monuments of Pharaohs, gods and goddesses. Of all of them, I somehow got very attracted to the statue of the warrior goddess Sekhmet.

Back then I was still being introduced to the world of mythology. I had not known about the existence of similar goddesses in other cultures and found it so interesting that Pharaohs fought battles behind this female goddess. Why did the men choose a female to lead them in warship? It seemed a mystery to me. Why a lioness, not a lion? Certainly a lioness never comes to mind when words like bravery, heroism, fight, battle, glory or the likes are mentioned.. so I could not really understand it. I thought like Pharaohs too must have had their eccentricities.. lol.

So, we continued our trip, took photos and all. Then we went to the gift shop to collect some souvenirs . Mind you, at that time the Village was only a fraction of what it has become today. It has immensely expanded ever since. Yet, for us, what we'd seen was too much already. We'd never seen history come to life in such a way.

My friends started picking their favorite items. I had little money with me, and thought I'd better spend it wisely. It is no surprise that the only thing I thought to be worthy of purchase was the object which had inflamed my curiosity.. I bought a postcard with the image of Sekhmet.

On the bus, while on our way back to the school, I kept staring at her, almost talking to her and begging her to explain it to me. “So what is your story lady?” How have you managed to become the bravest of the brave; the invincible bloodthirsty warrior that you are?

Forward

It is amazing how my feelings towards this lady remained unchangeable when many years later I saw her dignified statues in the British Museum. I actually spent a lot of time by her side there, telling her memories of the good old days. I apparently still admire her, although I am a person who utterly denounces all sorts of violence. To me, though, she stood for much better things.

Sekhmet means 'all powerful' or 'the one who is powerful'. This goddess also received many other titles when her religion flourished, all of them depicting how mighty she was. She's been called the Mistress of Dread, the Lady of Slaughter, Lady of Flames, Scarlet Lady (related to blood), the One Before Whom Evil Trembled, and The Avenger of the Wronged. She was also thought to be the reason behind diseases, and thus the only one who has their cures. So, her powers and knowledge were sought after by physicians too.. not only warriors. And as she brought war, she also brought peace.

Now, you see how she gathered polar elements of cruelty and mercy, disease and healing, conflict and reconciliation... etc. Her rage was enough to evoke ultimate destruction. She had to be calmed down, and the only way to soothe her was through music! Music would keep her happy and relaxed.

I absolutely fell in love with this lady.. the lioness with a taste for music; the one who healed the sick and wounded coz she felt responsible for them. Other warrior goddesses wouldn't give a damn about the sufferings of those affected by their wrath. Maybe they deserved to be viewed as bitches in a way.. but certainly not the lioness! It seemed so fitting, though, that men would work around their fear of her by dragging her image into the lowest abyss of shame. Yeah, the same old scenario! Won't you try for once being more creative, dudes?? Just for change?

The 'Labua' Complex

OK.. For those of you who don't know, in Arabic, the worst name to be given to a female is that of 'lioness'.. that is, if a woman is said to be a 'labua' (which is the Arabic word for 'lioness',) it means she is the most disdained being to walk the face of earth.

When I first learned about the horrible implications of this “insult” I found it hard to understand what the metaphor was all about. The common explanation you'd receive was that a lioness sleeps around.. she ain't faithful to one sexual partner! This is just so stupid, isn't it?.. For one, what is the difference between a lioness and any other female – or male – animal in this respect?? Hello!! Anybody seen a giraffe who spends her life with one sex partner?? or even a fish??? WTF is this about?

Ancient Egyptians actually made sense when they chose to fight under the image of the lioness. People used some logic back then, and could clearly see that the lioness was in fact the best hunter in the animal kingdom. So, while Mr. lazy lion lies there sleeping most of his days, she was the one doing everything, including teaching her cubs how to hunt. A lion actually wins his fights by the mere shape and size of his mane!! (How adequate!) But rarely engages in a real fight, or displays actual courage. He depends on his intimidating appearance and counts on the females of the tribe to feed him. Plus, he's not any different from his selfish human counterparts, for whenever he finds an easy prey that does not require much effort, and thus decides to hunt once in a while, he never shares his meal!!

That's exactly why today the lion became the icon of bravery and heroism! You see? Don't you just love our patriarchal societies? I mean, the guys hardly make any effort in identifying with the exact fitting types!.. Not forgetting, of course, to demonize their former goddesses who scared the sh*t out of them.

Macho Macho!

To be continued..

Natural Born Feminist

Being an Egyptian feminist never fails to show you its ugly face.. or to be more frank, this is almost the only face you will meet ever since people decide to "honor" you with this "label". Once you get known as such, get ready to be bashed with all kinds of questions (a polite word for "accusations") like "Why do you hate men?.. Don't you think you are exaggerating?.. Do you want us to live like they do in the West?.. Are you married? " and (quoting the King of Siam) et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

The stereotype for a feminist assumes a certain scenario which goes as follows.. She was brought up in a miserable family, having to wash the dishes and cater drinks to her male brother.. Her father was probably a harsh man who used to beat her day and night, or deserted his family when she was young.. She probably was heartbroken in love, or met a man who cheated on her.. She's an envious spinister.. most probably her looks aren't good enough to attract men's attention... et certera, et cetera, et cetera.

Well, I'm always sorry to disappoint those who carry this sort of pathetic stereotype and trust so much. But, first of all, I'd like to say that I don't like to be called a feminist.. not because I became ashamed of the fabricated qualities associated with this term, or that it has grown notorious in our society.. but because it fails to express my aims and what I really seek to do. You cannot sum-up Fantasia in mere "feminist." That will not be an accurate description. I'd rather be called a "myth-slayer or a "folklore-deconstructor".. for that is what I actually do. If you would like to add the term"feminist" before either of them, though, it is absolutely fine by me.

Growing up with all those familiar accusations from people who try so hard to prove that I fit into their stereotype of that thing called "Feminist," has, nevertheless, caused me to reflect more on why I was different.. and to rephrase it according to pop culture, it would be "what was wrong with me?" Again, I apologize for disappointing them all, for I have discovered that nothing was wrong with me. And check this out.. I found out to be one of the rare cases of those who don't fight against nature. I am in complete harmony with who I naturally am and what my primary instincts dictate! People like me may be considered to be rare species in our world, but I believe I am just one among many, whom you might well call "Natural Born Feminists." Please allow me to elaborate, using my diary.

1. The Day I Broke My Doll:

I grew up in a loving, traditional Egyptian family. My parents, like all others, loved me so dearly, and thought that showing this love would be through grooming me into what society would expect a girl to be. As a kid, I didn't understand it, and I thought the role of parents was to prevent their children from doing what they wanted. For instance, when the Legos I had received as a gift for my birthday suddenly disappeared, I thought the purpose was to deprive me of my favorite toy. However, I later discovered that my mom was hiding them away because she didn't like to see me playing a "boys' game", besides the mess that the scattered pieces of Legos cause. Instead, she got me a Barbie doll, only to find it broken into pieces the next day. She thought I hated this particular doll, so she brought me a new one; and when its fate showed to be no better than the first, my mom didn't give up.. She kept showering me with loads of dolls, never having pity on them, even when she sees them, one by one, ending up as plastic spare parts. I told her that that was my way of playing with dolls, but she insisted that I should use them to play another game.. pretending that they were real people, combing their hair and dressing them and stuff. When nothing seemed to work, she complained to my father that I spoiled my dolls, and thus was unworthy of any more toys. What my mom couldn't understand was that not all girls love to play with dolls. Kids differ.. not according to their gender, but according to their characters, abilities and preferences. And what I didn't understand was her presistence that I play with a "dummy" (in the full sense of the word).

2- The Screwdriver:

As a kid, I hadn't known that exhibiting your talents was scary. I thought that parents would be proud of what their young ones could do, and should encourage them to be more curious and learn more about the world. I thought that being independent was a bless, not a curse.. and that showing everyone that you were able to do things on your own was worthy of applause. Oh how green I was! [sigh].. Anyway, I used to show off my skills in front of adults, especially my parents, with best of intentions.

One day I brought a screwdriver and started to unscrew our cassette-recorder to explore what lies inside. Yet, my dad made me feel as if this recorder was a bomb that would explode if I touched it! Needless to say, this didn't prevent me from seeking after what I wanted. A kid's mind is designed to be curious, constantly seeking after knowledge.. you can't stop this automatic mechanism just because you fear that a stupid machine will get out of order! So, I waited for the time when I was home alone, and I would get my dad's tools and open all of the electric machines at home, one by one, and I would take out the pieces inside, carefully remembering where each piece belonged, then see if I could assemble them all again in the same order. I applauded myself when I succeeded, since there was nobody present to witness this achievement. And when my parents came home, and turned on that same device, I would keep saying to myself "If only you saw it one hour ago!" and experience a sort of evil kind of joy :)

Years later, when our VCR went out of order, I couldn't keep myself from helping my dad who seemed so frustrated. I begged him to allow me to take my shot at repairing it. Of course, he was totally against it, but when I told him there was nothing to lose and that the technician was going to repair it anyway, he seemed to have been too tired already that he let me do it. He couldn't believe it when I actually fixed it! But I never confessed to him my long hidden secret. Up till today, my family depends on me when it comes to installing or fixing electric devices. They are satisfied to think it is a miracle, and I no longer seek to disturb their peace of mind.

3- A Lesson Well-Learned:

Being a female, you can not be proud that you're talented or that you're smart. People won't admire you for it.. but will treat you as an abnormality instead.. a lamb that has lost its way and should be guided back to her flock, or forced to do so against her will if necessary. In a society like ours, you learn that a woman and a smart brain do not meet.. that it is OK for women to be dependent, because that's what men are made for. Only a man is allowed and encouraged to be independent, while a woman is brought up to be weak and vulnerable. Shall any girl show any sign of being smart or having ambition, she must be knocked down, for fear that she might disturb the balance of the universe! Hence, a smart man impresses you, while a smart woman freaks you out. A strong man wins your admiration and respect, while a strong woman makes you reach for your gun. That's what an artificially-fabricated social order does to us. We invent molds, we shape our young to fit into those molds, pushing and squeezing them throughout their lives to enter their boxes of what we decided to be "masculine" or "feminine," feeding them all about the "division of roles" and other myths of our invention.

By now, you should have figured out what I meant by saying that I am more in harmony with who I naturally am than the majority who consider themselves to be the norm. We are all born equal, but outside forces stand against our natural evolution, preferring to turn us into puppets, playing roles according to a pre-written scenario.. even if it is against our humanity, and even if it defies mere logic. Yet, what's worse than all that is the brainwash process that we are subjected to throughout our lives.. the brainwash that leads generation after generation to accept such ideas and in turn implant them into their offspring. Thus, the vicious cycle continues to produce people who basically spend their lifetime fighting against their nature. And unfortunately, there is a huge machinery backing-up this false system.. it's everywhere (TV, magazines, commericals, schools, universities, laws, etc.) .. and patriarchs have always been careful to keep all its keys under their control.

Societies, in any time or place, would have never moved a single step forward if it were not for the few who refuse to give in to such mutilation. All of us were born feminists.. yes, all of us.. boys and girls.. we were all born equal and we wanted to remain as such. Feminists are believers in equality and justice. And if anyone considers that to be wrong, or strange, or bad, then s/he would better look and see where they stand. As for me, I shall forever remain happy and proud to be guilty of feminism.

Niqab or Bikini?

I'd like to salute Miss Egyptiana for her recent post which inspired me a lot, especially that it came after I've written about Sabaya café. In her post, Egyptiana poses many questions while attempting to find a suitable comment on a picture featuring 2 girls on the beach, one of them in bikini while the other is veiled.

Actually, it was my intention to write about the issue of stereotyping women in our society, and how this usually takes the shape of a shallow binary opposition. This basically means that women are seen as either black or white, nothing else. If a woman is not what society defines as "white" then she must be "black". The exsitence of other possibilities or mere "grey" is unthought of. A woman is either a saint or a whore.. You are either a wife or a woman looking for a husband.. You are either shy or barefaced (beg7ah).. You are either an angel or a devil.. and on goes the list of opposites.

The most common example of this female binary stereotype, which seems to be so popular nowadays, is the one which assumes that if girls are not veiled, then the only alternative would be for them to wear bikinis!.. Yes.. Don't be surprised when hear this kind of twisted and deformed "logic". In fact, nobody seems to feel ashamed when they proudly present those opposites as the only available choices for female outfits.. It's either the veil or the bikini. So if you happen to discuss a woman's choice in wearing the veil or hijab, you will most probably find someone who instantly asks with much confidence, "Then what do you want? Do you want women to wear bikinis?"

For some of you this might sound like a funny thing.. a kind of silly joke. Or you might think that the person saying this isn't really serious.. But can you imagine that many people believe this to be a serious argument! Not only so.. this kind of belief has shaped the general view of women in Egypt. In fact, the reason behind the rapid increase of veiled women in Egypt, unlike what most people think, has more to do with having a social nature than being driven by a religious conviction. Many (and I am saying many) of the young girls who wear hijab do not actually abide by Muslim daily prayers (which is the second basic requirement in Islam, while hijab is only mentioned in one weak hadith). Muslim women pray at home.. You can rarely find one of them who prays at the mosque. Thus, while prayers are a matter of a private relation between a girl and her creator.. practiced out of people's sight.. hijab is a public statement, announcing to society that the girl who wears it belongs to the "white" category.

Belonging to the "whites" has its many advantages. Needless to say, the best of which is moving away from the other side of the binary opposition system. By declaring yourself a saint, you are protecting your public image.. sending a clear message that you are not the opposite.. That's to say.. You are not the bikini whore. That in itself is a huge benefit. Other minor advantages would include: social acceptance and respect, winning the admiration of men, having a better chance in the marriage market, gaining the trust of the family, relatively having more freedom, fitting into the general female community... etc.

When females responded in such a way to pressures from our patriarchal society which seeks to impose a certain moral system.. one that depends on binary oppositions.. They actually gave this bizaar system a huge credibility.. or I'd rather say, they were the ones who established this system and turned it into a matter of fact. Then more and more females were lured in.. and more were forced to abide by this new social visa. Until we woke up one day to find, for the first time in our history, little girls wearing hijab!

Why does a child have to be veiled? Why is this greeted and welcomed by many people as something positive? Isn't this a vicious murder of innocence? Isn't this a kind of assumption that even a child can be seductive? Why do these people then become so surprised that children (of both sexes) are being sexually molested? It is their own doing.. They have included children into this whole adults' system. Weren't they so pissed off when the ministry of education tried to issue a law preventing primary schoolgirls from wearing the veil at school! Do these adults suppose themselves the only sick people around?.. Of course, not.. There are other kinds of sickness that were being fed by this twisted pratice. Pedophyles loved this kind of declaration.. and it gave them a good excuse for their sickness. Here are some parents who acknowledge that their little girls are sexy! Why then don't they consider pedophyles to be victims who were not able to resist the seductive appeal of those children? Why don't they consider this as an excuse for them, just as they tend to find a justification for men who rape women?!!

Hey, that's not all.. Let me share another tragedy with you. A few days ago, I was shocked to see some of the girls who participated in the Special Olympics this year being veiled!! Of course I was so irritated.. Couldn't believe my eyes.. And all I thought of was "WTF?".. Those are girls who God Himself execluded from all forms of religious obligations. They could not decide anything for themselves, and hence could never have chosen to wear the veil. This is a clear violation of human rights! How could anyone see such a thing without being extremely troubled? What's this for God's sake? Should girls born with down syndrome be held accountable for not covering their hair? Are they supposed to be a source of seduction? Would they also be considered responsible if they were victims of sexual harassment? And would this veil protect them from someone who doesn't show any mercy for their condition? Someone answer me before I go mad! What's going on?.. Why have our people's minds become so fuc**d up?!

It is evident that the idea of binary opposition has become a general rule while dealing with females.. It is taken for granted by the majority of people. For instance, I am no longer able to shop for clothes in Egypt during the summer season.. You know why? Because all the women outfits out there are either designed for veiled women or for their stereotypical opposites.. Yeah, you bet.. they're basically for women walking down the streets in their bikinis! Seems like fashion designers have also adopted this kind of conviction while manufacturing clothes for their female customers. Here's what happened when I went summer shopping for 3 consecutive years.. The first year, 3/4 of the outfits on display were long-sleeved and heel-lengthed. The second year, around 90% of the outfits were designed for veiled women. The third year, I was not able to find a single formal outfit in short sleeves!!

Shop assistant: Any service, Ms.?

Me: Yeah.. Please, can you help me find something with short sleeves?

S.A.:Short sleeves?.. I'm afraid this season all the outfit are long-sleeved.

Me: Oh, yes.. I can see that. The fabrics also are all so thick and heavy.. Are we living in Moscow or something? Am I the only one who feels that summer in Cairo is as hot as hell?!

S.A.: Well.. It's because most of our customers are veiled.. But you can cut the sleeves if you want.

Me: Oh, yeah.. Coz I ain't one of your customers. And what about the fabric? Or wait.. I can make a guess.. You will tell me to buy my own fabric and have it tailored.

S.A.: I'm sorry, Ms. That's all what we have here for now. But there is a shop, not far from here, where you can find what you are looking for.

Me: I know it's not your fault.. I just hope you tell the shop management that they lost one of their "customers" today.

And off I went to the shop she told me about. The window display looked so weird.. But, hey.. I got nothing to loose.

Me: Good evening.. I was hoping to find a short-sleeved outfit.. be it with a skirt or pants.

S.A.: Sure.. Please have a look on this collection and choose whatever you like.

(After turning one hanger after the other in dispair)

Me: Ehhmm.. Excuse me.. I am not looking for beachwear. I'm looking for an outfit to wear at work.. Besides, I don't think any of those would fit a mature woman.. Those are barely for teenagers.

S.A.: Oh, how untrue.. Ms., I want to tell you that we have got veiled customers who buy these clothes.

Me: Veiled customers?!.. Are they done with all the other shops in the city? And how on earth do they wear this stuff? Do they wear it at home?

S.A.: No. They wear it to work, college.. everywhere.. Let me explain.

(She picked a hanger which had a tank top with spagetti straps and a way-above-the-knee skirt.)

See? A veiled girl would wear this with a long-sleeved body and straight pants underneath.
Me: #%*@*?!!!! But why go through all of this trouble while they have got all shops selling clothes that are made specially for them?

S.A.: Some of those young girls want to define their figure, you know. The thick wide outfits don't give them that.

Me: Oh I see.. So they want to cover their hair and define their figure at the same time.. How nice!.. OK, what about those who wish to dress moderately? Where should they go?

S.A.: Why don't you try [the shop I've just been to]?

Me: Actually one of their shop assistants led me here. All the outfits they have are the exact opposite of what you sell here.

S.A.: I'm afraid that what you're looking for is very hard to find.

Me: I already know that!!!!! Ughhhhhhh.. I've been searching for a whole week so far.

S.A.: Hey.. You can ask a tailor to do whatever you want.

Me: Thank you. I really should have done that from the start. Seems that my species have already been extinct, that they don't sell ready-made clothes for us anymore.

I believe the next extremist step would push women further apart in opposite directions.. If this happens, I won't be surprized if comparisons became even sharper. Probably the future binary opposition would suppose that women have only 2 choices.. Either niqab or one-piece bikini!.. No wonder the dilemma that is yet to face our females will be: "To wear or not to wear.. That's the question."

Egyptian Women Are Never Wives.. Only Mothers

A couple of day ago I received a comment on my post "Desperate Housewives" asking me for advice on a very common problems which all wives face nowadays: the pampered husband, who was spoiled by his mother beyond repair, and who wouldn't give a hand with the housework or the kids even when his wife is about to drop dead of fatigue.

Before I go any further, here's the message I received:

"so what do you do when you are not like that but your husband demands it and expects it? he will not help, he will not pick up, he will complain about you not doing everything after all, he makes the money.... why arent you doing your job, when he is clearly doing his and bringing home the bacon??? what do you do if he will not watch the kids for 1 second?? you can either chase the kids all over the place, or you can ignore them like he does, while one puts his fingers in the electric socket, and the other tries to test how sharp the scissors are when he pokes them into his open eyes! and accidents have happened before, so you know he will realy not look at them , and they will get hurt!!! so do you keep on doing what you have to do? do you leave him??? is it worth leaving him?? what if he is nice and loving and supportive, but just useless around the house and with the kids?? what do you do when you are overwhelmed and feel like there is no way out?? do you destroy your family go home and sit next to your parents if you dont work? do you destroy your family and live alone with the exact same responsibilities and less money if you do work? how do you change an egyptian husband? how do you throw all the garbage he learned from his mother out the window, and help him learn to be an equal partner?? do you let your kids get hurt because he is careless? do you live in filth because he doesnt pick up after himself? do you go hungry because no one will help in the kitchen? what are you supposed to do?? Do you just put up with him, and work realy hard night and day to go to work, clean the house,make dinner, feed the kids, pay the bills, do the laundry, while he sits on the couch and watches TV, or goes out to hang with a friend, or invite a friend over to watch a soccer match?? what's a girl to do??? i know i will teach my sons to be supportive husbands... but what about me?? fighting doesnt work, yelling and screaming dont work, asking nicely doesnt work!how do you cure years of wrong upbringing without wrecking your life in the process??"

If this sounds familiar to you.. or if you know of someone who's facing the same problem.. or if you have fears about meeting the same fate.. then listen up.. that's something you also should know.

First of all you should never give up on yourself. If you do, then don't expect any better from anyone else. If you believe that you are not getting the treatment you deserve, don't swallow the disappointment in silence and just decide to give in. You must clearly define the line the seperates sacrifice from being taken advantage of. When you allow youself to be drained off by a selfish partner, you are not doing anybody any good, and I've explained that in the previously mentioned post. The burden will keep on piling up until it breaks your spine and your spirit as well. Your marriage will roll down hill so swiftly, that after years from now, you won't be able to figure out a meaning for your life. All the joys will lose their sweetness, cause bitterness has a much stronger taste that covers up anything else. So, don't give up trying to fix your family life. Several failed attempts are not the end of the world.

If you honestly believe that your kids are not safe with their father, then I'm sorry to tell you that you ain't safe either. A man who will harm his kids just because he can't take good care of them, or because he prefers to lie in his laziness, is not someone that you can feel safe with. He is clearly insane. But you say that he is kind and loving. If you trust that, then the kids will just be fine with him.

Now, here's the trick. Men like your husband will do their best to lower the expectations of their wives about what they can do around the house. Give them a simple thing to do and they will make a mess. Tell them to take care to the kids and they will make you regret it. They want to send the message "you cannot depend on me honey. I'll screw things up for you. I'm not good at those things. You are the expert. This family will be much better and safer if you take care of everything youself."

It is true that Egyptian mothers spoil their kids, especially the boys. Most men live with their parents until they get married. And as I said before, they marry another mother instead of a life partner. So, if you fit in this new role, he will be so comfortable and go on with his life in the same way without ever reaching maturity. His mother spoiled the kid and the young man, but you are spoiling the husband and the father. So, by allowing him to sit on the couch switching channels while you are head to toes into housework and taking care of the kids, you are committing a bigger crime. This man will never experience what it is to be a husband or a father. He will never mature, thanks to you. Now, don't get mad when you are rushing to get those kids ready for school while he comes up to you with a button in his hand saying, "this button came off while I was wearing my shirt. I need it done quickly. I can't think of something else to wear." He is another one of the kids. You need to dress him up for work too! He holds the button desperately in his hand, needing you to work your motherly magic to get it back into its place. He has no idea about how you perform this amazing art of sewing. And he certainly doesn't want to know anything about the process. He prefers to view it as a mysterious trick that only you, mama, can perform.

You will be amazed when you learn that this same man can take very good care of himself. If he happened to live alone, even for a short period, ask him about how he managed his life then. He cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, paid the bills, ... and everything just went fine. Or.. He can tell you about his memories back in college when he and a group of male friends spent the summer together. They all worked in harmony to keep the place they rented clean. They prepared delicious snacks. They went to buy grocery. They had to wash their clothes manually, cause they couldn't afford to get a place with a washing machine. And to drive you crazy, he will laugh and say how much they enjoyed doing these thing. He wishes those old days would be back.

So, what has happened? Heaven sent him a second mother. You. He must make use of that. But wait.. it's not because he is evil. He simply can't get himself to do women's work when there is a woman in the house. Men make fun of husbands who help their wives with the housework. They tell jokes about men who love cooking (although cooking is an art). They consider male hairdressers, fashion designers, make-up artists, (in short any man who is in a business serving women) to be gays! That's the whole male-culture. They consider those who do women's work as not masculine, that is to say, they are less-men. How can a manly man wear a kitchen apron and stand in the kitchen peeling onions? The media had also played a role in stressing this false belief. Basic survival skills like preparing your food, cleaning your place, washing your clothes, are considered by men to be low jobs. Something for maids and women. This was the classic belief in times when women were thought to have lower IQs than men. But it continued to survive even after this was proven to be totally false, and even in the 21st century. This male-culture has to keep reproducing the same false ideas in order to keep male advantages secure. So, your husband can't make fun of someone and then go back home to do exactly what the victim of his redicule was doing.

Does that mean that there is nothing to be done to fix that? Of course not. There are two ways to solve this problem:

1. Forcing him to help, which you already tried with no avail. Some men will only feel forced to do things when their wives are not around. Like if you had to travel, for example.

2. Bringing him up. He is still a dependent child, and the only way to fix his mother's mistake is to continue the process where she abandoned it. It becomes your duty to lead him into real manhood and maturity. Talk to him and educate him (of course without making him feel that he is immature). Most wives think that husbands already know how they feel, and so they don't talk about it to avoid being pitiful. Yet, he truely has no exact idea about the pain and the frustration that you are suffering from. He isn't totally innocent, but he is not the grown up man that you thought him to be before marriage. Talk to him about the dream you had of the perfect family, and how you imagined your relationship to be like. Tell him that you fear that you are drifting away from that beautiful image, but that you are not willing to give it up. You (both) want and you deserve a perfect family. The happiness of this family depends on you both. Tell him about how you feel when you watch him being idle while you are exhausted and stressed with overwork. Ask him to put himself in your shoes. Ask him about how he would feel and what he would think. Ask him to predict how this will affect your relationship as time goes by. Is it bringing you any closer? Is it making him any happier? Would he really be happy if for the sake of enjoying his full spare time now, he is risking the future of his marriage? Does this hour in front of TV deserve having a silent marriage for a lifetime.. where each one of you dwells in his own world? Be sure to tell him that you know what men think about housework, that you understand the psychological barrier that is preventing him from helping you. Let him say that his love to you and his family is stronger than any false conceptions that might prevent you from reaching happiness and intimacy. Let him suggest a list of things that he thinks he can do around the house. Ask him if it is too difficut for him to collect the laundry, seperate the light and dark colors, put each group in the machine with soap and press a button. Make it sound easy and fun.. Just as if you are teaching a kid. If he screws up once, be patient. Gently tell him what was wrong and make sure you encourage him to try again. Praise everything he does, but without exaggeration. Encourage him to spend some quality time with the kids, not just watch over them. Kids who have early memories which involve both parents are always happier and smarter.

Marriage is a lifelong investment. If you never receive any profits, you will go bankrupt at any moment. Let your investment grow by seeking profit for all members of the family.. you included.

Guilty of Feminism

When exactly did feminism become a dirty word?

Ever since I started blogging angry guys used to shoot the word feminist at me as if it was an insult! Hell, what? So, I am a feminist.. Why does it make you mad? And why the heck do you suppose that calling me a feminist would hurt me in any way? In fact, I am happy to be called a feminist. I wish I was a real feminist (being a women rights activist). Being labelled a feminist is a big honor. Would you be pissed off if people pointed at you in the street and said "Hey, this is someone who believes in human rights"? I suppose not. So, what makes those men assume that calling me a feminist would be counted as a negative remark?

In my attempt tp search for an answer, I remembered a very old incident. My colleagues had arranged an outing (including family members and friends) and it was really huge, we occupied half the restaurant where we met. One of my colleagues had been recently engaged and her fiance came along with her. The guy was so full of himself. He would fit perfectly in the category I previously described in "Your Guide to Dating an Egyptian Man" as Mr. Know-it-all.

Casual talk started until bit by bit they developed into discussions. Of course this guy couldn't miss the chance of having such a big audience, and he was determined to be the star. He started commenting on every single thing being said. I just kept observing him and was feeling satisfied that I was entertained for free (as the food served was not good enough for my taste). After about an hour, the stage became totally his. Many of those who were talking gave up because they didn't want to get embarrassed. He just kept saying "You are wrong" to anyone who disagrees with his opinions about anything.

Usually when the situation sinks into this boring phase I focus on making a polite exit. I was calculating what I had ordered to get ready to leave, when I heard this annoying guy talking about the deteriorating morality in our today's society. According to his genius analysis, the reason was that nowadays mothers go to work and are not spending enough time with their children. At that point I didn't bother saying anything, cause I thought others will take care of that. Just get me out of here for God's sake. To my amazement, nobody did. I found myself saying "You are wrong". He gave me this look of "and who the hell would you be?" but I just looked him in the eye and told him about all the social, political and economical factors behind declining morality. All those who were silent were now cheering. I could see that his ears were about to smoke, and instead of trying to convince me of his point of view, he just gave me a suspicious look and said "Are you a feminist?"

Me (laughing my head off): I believe in feminism, yes.

Him(looking puzzled): So, that makes you a feminist.

Me: Not necessarily. Not all of those who believe in feminism are feminists, but certainly all feminists believe in feminism.

Him(seriously staring): What's this? Philosophy?

Me (sensing the growing tension): Well, philosophy does involve logical thinking, but no, I did not intend to sound philosophical.

Him(cunning smile): You are a feminist. Don't deny it.

I will never forget the way he said it. It was as if he discovered a communist at the time of Sadat. I didn't really bother then. He seemed ignorant enough and I hate wasting my time on those people. But I remembered this now after I received all of "you are a feminist" comments. Well, I carry the label with all dignity. I am not ashamed of the sticker you tagged on me. And let me from now on be "Fantasia the Feminist". What a lovely name! Thanks for the title guys.

A Comment that has lost its way..

I'm sorry to deviate a bit from the goal of Fantasia's World. But I got so intrigued by a number of posts from Samir-Thoughts, that I so much wanted to comment on. Allow me to use this space for once to write my long comment.
Samir was describing a scene that we see often in our daily life, seeking the blessing from the dead religious icons. You can read his post to get a better idea, or you may read along and you'll discover a link between his subject and the message of this blog.

Dear Samir,
I find that our Eastern culture as whole is built on the same basis of seeking blessing and believing in the supernatural. Remember that we live in the land of mythology and religions. It's here that humanity have started its route to civilization, which has to have something side to side with its material (let's say concrete) achievements. This side had to do with the supernatural and it has spread to inspire all the coming civilizations that would follow the same pattern. But we kept our place as the pioneers. It's here that all religions started, and it's here that we are stuck with the supernatural when the whole world had moved forward to the age of science and technology. Revolution after revolution, we kept missing the train of one after the other.. The industrial revolution, the scientific revolution, (in all its phases, starting from astronomy to physics, to biology to genome) the technological revolution, and finally globalization. We failed miserably in them all, that we decided to lock ourselves into the shell of the supernatural and claim ourselves to be the guardians of moral ethics and preserves of the word of God on earth.

Anyone else from other parts of the world that have enjoyed the benefits of those revolutions and have evolved into better civilization, we labeled them as atheists and perverts. Although they worship the same God and follow the same religions, yet they dared do something productive for their world. They are happy, they look after their health, they play sports, and they want to live longer. They want to enjoy the beautiful life they have created through long work, until they reached democracy (nothing is perfect), the fruits of science and technology which made them richer, and research which made them fight diseases. They simply enjoy a higher quality of life, that we, immersed as we are in dictatorship, poverty, ignorance, and diseases, can never have hope of attaining. They have reasons to love life and seek to live longer, while we have our reasons to hate our life and look forward to death.

But we are looking for a hope in death, something that will relieve us from the suffering on earth. Thus we all wish to enter paradise, we want to enjoy the rivers of milk and honey. But we want to enter it from the wrong gates. We failed to do what God ordered us to do. We failed to create our paradise on earth. We misused all the faculties that God gave us, and we disdained his most precious gift, the human brain. We've made thinking and creativity the equivalent of a crime. So, do we have any hope in salvation?
The creators of myth have come up with the keys to the backdoors of paradise. You are to quit enjoying life, in all its simplest forms (Yeah, as if there is anything to enjoy!). You have to focus on fighting the evil ones who want to prolong their lives. You have to wrap your women in black cloth. You have to scare your children of doom and hell. You have to offer your whole life to death, so that when your time comes, you are as pure as a diamond. Then, and then only, can you enter the pearly gates. What about those who can't wait? What about those who want to secure their places fast and enjoy the 73 virgin maidens now. The numerous youth who can't sin or get married, what about them? Well, there is always a shortcut. You can go kill the atheists who don't obey. You can turn yourself into a bomb in the service of God. Go kill the naked tourists on the beaches, go kill the people who work to serve them and entertain them, go kill those who sell them souvenirs to take back home from our holy pure land. Then you'll be there in a snap of a finger. There's always a solution in death. There is always a way to reach paradise. Nobody comes back to tell us which gates he entered. Nobody comes back to tell his story. Nobody comes back to break the spell.
Now, Samir, you may know why people would write on the canvas of the Saints. It's the same reason why people would go to El Sayyeda and Hussein. It's Yehia Haqy's Qandeel Om Hashem. It's Osama Fawzy's Ba7eb E'seema. It's the life we are living in this part of the world.

Medusa's Head

She was beauty itself, dazzling all, an imposible prize, the forbidden fruit, a heavenly combination of feminine charms, "the jealous aspiration of many suitors" _ Ovid.
She's a nymph turned into a monster. The scariest image that human imagination have carved through history. She's Medusa.

All of what remained and what we now came to know and see of Medusa is her scary head, screaming an endless horrified scream as the Greek hero Perseus succeeded in cutting it off. Poor thing, she is doomed to be always remembered as such, pathetically ending up on a Versace logo!

How many of us know the tragic story of Medusa? The beautiful nymph, who was the dream of every god and mortal. She would never yield to any show of affection or a generous suitor hoping to lock her up as a precious possession. She loved life, and loved to keep her beauty an eternal inspiration to poets and artists. But one of the male gods decided to put an end to her arrogance. Inside the temple of Athena, while she was praying and thanking the gods for bestowing her with beauty, in came the monster, the sea god Poseidon, and he raped her.

In hatred of herself and the world, Medusa asked the goddess Athena to have pity on her and protect her from men. Her wish was granted. The goddess transformed Medusa's beautiful hair into serpents and made her face so terrible and scary that any man who would dare to look at her will immediately turn into stone. In that way, Medusa chose to forsake her beauty in order to find security and to enjoy the sight of men turning into stone, horrified at the sight of her monstrous face.Still she wasn't left alone. While Medusa was pregnant by Poseidon, King Polydestes of Seriphus sent the hero Perseus on a mission to cut off Medusa's head and bring it back to him. Perseus wasn't as heroic as it would seem. He succeeded in the mission by having a cap which makes him invisible and a pair of winged sandals and a mirrored shield. In that way, he could look at Medusa in the mirror instead of looking directly to her face. No wonder it was a piece of cake, but the myth was turned up-side-down to praise the bravery of the hero who wasn't scared of Medusa, the source of terror for men.

The reason why I told you all this long story is to make you see how any female who dares to challenge male arrogance, even if for the mere sake of self-protection, would not only end tragically, but will have a memory that will serve to make them heroes and make her a devil. Medusa was only the beginning. A memorial to all other women so as not to dare think like her (believing they could overcome men or threaten them), and to all men so that they will never allow any woman to challenge them and cause them fear. She should be uprooted, her head should fly, and her reputation has to suffer. Doesn't it sound familiar?

All those who call for women rights nowadays are given a bad name. The whole concept of feminism has grown notorious all of a sudden! No wonder why when a woman is labelled to be a feminist she is described by the worst adjectives and it doesn't hurt to call her a lesbian in doing so. If you feel proud of your gender and celebrate being a woman, then you are a whore. If you call for emancipation and freedom, then you are devil seeking to doom your society and distory its ethics! Yeah.. "ethics".. hahaha. If you seek for your independence and your right to live your life by your rules, then you are an outcast. If you don't want to wear the veil then you are an athiest. If you want to have a career, then you are a man. If you care about serious issues and want to make a difference in the world then you suffer from a psychological complex.

But if you hate being a woman, if you dispise your body, if you repeat what men say about you, it is a virtue. If you don't have any serious goals or aims in life, it is perfectly ok. If you are a lazy ass, wanna sit at home, do nothing and live your life as a parasite waiting for the man to feed you, then you are most welcomed. If you hate your life and look forward to death in order to find peace, then you are religious. If you're all covered up in black, then you are respectable. If you do nothing creative or constructive, good job, you know you should leave such things to men. If you never had your own opinions or views, then what an excellent thinker you are! If you see your only role in life is to amuse your husband and get children, then you have reached the ultimate wisdom.
What a sick society!


What this society doesn't care to see is that it has turned all of its women and girls ino Medusas.. Silent, undercover Medusas, each seeking shelter and revenge in her own way. But in doing so many of them have become so destructive, that one generation after the other will pay the price. The living corpse wrapped in black will extend her shrouds to wrap it wround everybody's neck. She won't let anyone escape the clutches of her black ropes. The parasitic creature will add up to the poverty of her nation. The idiot who hides behind her lack of personality and talent, will add up to the ignorance and poor culture of her country. The physical factory of sex and breeding will only add the number of miserable creatures in this pathetic society.

However, today's Medusas won't wait for someone to cut off their heads, cause their heads are useless. They live under the cover of blind obedience, while they are only destroying a society that refuses to treat them as full humans. The horror that they pose is not visible to the eyes of men, but is a thousand times more destructive, cause it's turning a whole society into stone.

Patriarchal societies have for long sold the lie that danger lies in the head of a thinking woman. Yet, a true Medusa's head is a woman's empty head. So, next time you see a woman fighting for her independence and freedom, don't freak out. And when you see a girl who embraces life and focuses on her goals, don't make fun. And when you see a girl who aims high or doesn't put marriage as a priority, don't come up with the stupid conclusion that she's got some psychological complex. And when you get ignored by a girl, grow up and don't take it as a personal challenge to bring her on her knees. If you really wanna be a man, compete in a mature and responsible way. Try to be as successful and as focused as a girl is. Yes, imagine! There's nothing wrong in taking after a woman. There's nothing wrong in admitting that a girl is worthy of respect and that there can be things to learn from her. Try to quit the childish ways of "I'm the best and she must come after me". Try to co-live instead of crushing a fellow human in order to prove a false concept. Try to see the beauty of a world where varity means intigration, not where someone has to be better than the other. Try to understand the true facts of life before those hidden Medusas turn this life into hell. Beware!