Me and Drepression

Ain't it great when you still got followers long after you quit blogging! Thanks all.

Don't know if I still have it.. I mean the ability to write. But since I'm struggling with my depression, and this struggle is all about trying and trying, then be it.

I've done it before. Taken myself as an example and laid it out there for others in hope it will help someone somewhere sometime. However, this time, I'm the one who needs help. It's the same old story.. trauma.. tears.. anger.. depression. And once you slip into this last one, you are sucked in.

Been there for years now since I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). Feels like it has become part of me, although I've been fighting it with all I've got. The thing is, it is very difficult to find true help with this battle. It's like a ghost, many talk about it while very few have ever seen one.. experienced what it is.. or is able to define it even.

My therapy sessions were like long arguments between me and the psychiatrist, who is an excellent person by the way, and highly professional. Still, he talks about human conditions which he had studied.. studied very well, but never experienced. He did his best to help me out. Can't say he failed. He was honest enough to tell me he has no exit door to offer.

One of our discussions was about the definition of depression. He went on and on about the medical condition and the chemistry of the brain, bla bla bla. Gotta admit, I learned a lot from the man. What I needed to know, though, was whether depression is a disease or a state of mind.

The good doctor insisted that depression is a disease, yet he made it clear that even when I am 100% cured I have to say bye-bye to my former self.. that is the Fantasia who existed before depression. That is why I thought that treating depression like some disease or virus which takes control over your body for some time and then becomes cured is so far from the truth. Maybe it is more accurate to describe it as a state that will continue to have its effect even after its dangers are reduced.

Our talks were more philosophical I would think. Of course, we discussed personal issues and stuff that led me to this. However, I guess that denying to see things the way they truly are is the root of all evil. Human beings spend so much time and energy in deceiving themselves. My experience with depression proves that the pain is due to the shock of someone who has been blindfolded for years and years and then all of a sudden you open your eyes to this strong light, and you can't deny, no matter how hard you try, that what you are seeing is real, has always been real, but you were simply unable to see it! And you can never go back pretending it didn't happen. It is an educational experience of the first degree.

Now, the only logical reason why someone suffering from depression cannot go back to point X before s/he was hit by this hurricane would be that this so-called "disease" gives you eyes.. which is the total opposite of what psychiatry claims.

What antidepressants do is simply shut down your nervous system, making you unable to feel anything, like constructing a thick glass wall between you and your emotions. The idea is to reduce the stress on your nervous system until you miraculously recover. Antidepressants are the materialization of hell. After 2 years, I stopped medication, without consulting my doctor. His opinion was I gotta live on this stuff no matter how long it may take, or else I'll crash.. like a computer crashes. Being a very scientific person, I waited and waited for things to change, until I could take it no more. Finally, I decided to trust my senses.

Is life any better? No. But I am definitely better.

This programming process that we go through ever since we come into this world is the true disease. Almost every single aspect of our lives is wrapped in lies. You are being trained to practice self-deceit and you go through life depending on this skill. You have to pretend that certain things have value, although they don't; because things which are really worthy are very few in life and are simply not enough to weave a whole lifetime around. So you gotta fabricate your own list of valuable stuff and toil to reach one by one, learn to celebrate when you get them and act dramatic when you lose them.

Of the truest words I found on depression are the words of someone who's been there, Elizabeth Wurtzel. In her book Prozac Nation she says:

"I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and I am already exhausted."

P.S. I've been on Prozac for over a year.

I can't forget this session when my doctor was trying so hard to convince me that life is worth trying, no matter how many times we fail to achieve what we aspire. He gave an example of a test they perform on lab rats. They place a rat in a cage with a piece of cheese, and every time the rat tries to take the cheese they give it a mild electric shock. The rat then spends longer time between each attempt until it completely gives up and stops trying, although they remove the electric current. The doctor then told me: "You see? If the rat tried for once after it had given up, it would have finally got the cheese." I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and I said, "Doc, are you really expecting me to be more stupid than your rat? If a rat can learn its lesson and spare itself the pain, then the least I can do is learn when to quit trying."

Thanks for reading!

Are You Making Your Country Poorer?

This post is a special dedication to all the bitter, ever-complaining, dissatisfied housewives.. who were once my school buddies, university comrades, and work colleagues, but have chosen to stay at home after marriage.

Sorry, all. You have always found me to be your comforting pillow.. always an attentive listener, with whom you can split your pains, and someone you can always count on for relief. You've always found me to have a great ability to sympathize, or even empathize. I realize the amount of your shock at my sudden loss of those abilities, and I understand how painful this could be at times, especially when it adds up to your bitterness and misery. I'm sorry, gals.. I can't do it.. Not when it comes to this.. and certainly not when you are responsible adults who are supposed to be accountable for your decisions.

I've always understood your weaknesses, and swallowed your follies.. being careful not to criticize you or blame you until you are totally in the right mood for thinking and re-evaluating your acts. I was extra gentle with matters of the heart.. less with life-defining decisions.. yet constantly focusing on absorbing your pain and frustration. I am still the same. Only one thing is too many for me.. and that is when you complain that you are stuck in a bad marriage, having to stick to a tight budget (complaining about the high cost of living), and that you can't help transferring your anger unto your kids! Now, that's way too much. I can't absorb that.. and you'd better be ready to find your emotional sponge turn rock-solid.

Again and again I say.. there is a huge difference between being a victim and being a criminal. Turning into a criminal because you've been yourself victimized is not a good excuse to get out with, for one.. and won't change the fact that now you've become a criminal. So, be an adult and face it. You made a huge mistake.. and even if the whole world deceived you into thinking that you did your family a favor, you can not deceive yourself, especially after seeing all of those disasters that you are causing everyone around you.. in addition to harming your country as well.

I seriously don't get it! You said that your family needs all your time, so that's why you don't need a job.. then you complain of loneliness and the huge spare time you are never able to fill! You said that your husband has got a handsome income that would make your slim salary seem ridiculous, that's why you're better off without your work.. then you complain that prices are rising and that your budget is getting tighter! You said that work for women is not primary.. then you envy your ex-colleagues whenever one of them gets promoted or whenever you see one of'em on TV! You just turned into one of those horrible women you once hated and criticized. You are searching for the faults in others to prove that nobody is perfect, as if this will calm you deep inside, instead of trying to improve your life or make it a happier one.


Anyway, if a woman makes this choice, it won't be logical of her to expect sympathy from others. Believe me, it is not because the other busy bees out there are too envious of a coach potato. Those who told you this tale are the ones responsible for your misery. Simply, I can't forgive you for adding up to the poverty of our country. Yeah, that's right. You are making this country poorer.. so at least do not complain, baby.

Belonging to the third world is not like being a member in a club. A country earns its place in the so-called third world because it belongs there.. it is poor, has a slow development rate, and does not contribute much (if any) to global economy or development (for example, in scientific research). Hence, if a country does what you do.. that is, become dependent on other productive countries.. it fits into the third world. And as long as half the population in those countries think the way you do, then those countries have got zero chance in improvement.


To be able to imagine how weak our production rate is, I'll just give a couple of examples.. The average productivity of an Egyptian citizen is estimated to be around 1000$ a year.. and it tends to be fixed around this figure through many years.. while in Israel for example, a citizen produces the equivalent of 15000$/year.. And in a country which used to belong to the third world only a few years ago like Singapore, this amount reaches 45000$ per capita.. meaning that the productivity of the Singaporean citizen is 45 times as much as that of his Egyptian counterpart!! Now, where can this get us for God's sake?


It is as simple as this.. there are 78 million Egyptians.. half of them are brought up to think that their primary role in life is to reproduce and serve their households. Then the whole population is dependent on the other half to feed them and satisfy their basic needs.. How lovely!

By sitting at home, you are just turning into a huge burden on economy. You keep adding to this burden when you keep getting more children to keep yourself occupied at home. The end result is more poverty and misery for thousands. Urban women are the worst of the lot.. they are not productive at all. A rural woman bakes her own bread, plants her vegetables, raises chicken, sews clothes...etc. While all what urban women do is consume, consume, consume. Not only do they consume goods.. but also endless hours on the phone and in front of TV to keep themselves entertained. They consume energy.. which (in case you don't know) is becoming rarer and rarer, and is expected to be the number one reason behind endless wars to come.

So, back to urban women.. What do they produce? What is their share in the national income? Zero.

The government has contributed to this crisis when it failed to provide adequate daycare service to help their female employees stay in the workforce; hence, making it easier for the private sector to get away without having any obligation towards female workers. Why on earth would a company owner bother to provide a service that the government itself does not require or care to provide? The ridiculous alternative of the 2 years maternal leave (in the public sector) only means that those women do not actually work, or else how would 2 years of absence be OK with them? Those women then return (if they ever do) to resume their work in the same position they occupied before their leave, falling back behind their colleagues who got their promotions on time. The private sector is even worse.. it gives a maternal leave of 3 months, after which you can bid your job goodbye. Most probably what a woman pays for daycare and transportation to be able to carry on this daily tour (home-daycare-work-daycare-home) will be enough to swallow her full income. Thus, she finds herself compelled to stay at home with her baby.


Now, let's do the maths to find out why Egypt continues to be a poor country.

1- With the gender gap in favor of males in literacy rates, we have to confront the fact that only 59.4% of females could read and write, 93% of which complete the primary stage, while only 67% attend secondary school.
2- Only 23% of women join the labor force.. they make 22% of the total labor force in Egypt.
3- Of those women in the labor force (23%), only 22.6% hold a university degree, (which means that only 5% of Egyptian women are highly educated working citizens! Freakish!) 16% of those are in administrative posts, and 28% hold professional and technical posts.

Aside from those horrifying figures, one might think that a crisis of this magnitude must be a top priority while designing reform programs.. yet, unfortunately, we can not count on that.

In her "Egypt: A Poverty Profile," Professor Mahassen Mostafa Hassanin says:

Reform programs tend to work to the benefit of men than to the benefit of women. Macroeconomic policies concentrate on the reallocation of resources to achieve both stability and growth rather than on microeconomic issues and gender differentiation. Development programs usually address males while neglecting females.

Not only so, but the pop culture is another huge obstacle, acting as a strong barrier, preventing girls from aspiring to play an active role in society. And I quote again from the same source:

Equality and equity among males and females represents the cornerstone of this new development paradigm which concentrates on sustainability of the development process and this requires changing the prevailing social paradigm, and re-educating men and women on how to work together to create a more humanitarian world order.

On why Egyptian women would ever consider having a job , Professor Hassanin says:

The pattern of women in the development process is controversial. Women devote nearly all their income to the welfare of their family and still have to comply with the constraints of their gender role in the society. This makes the cost of their participation in the development process rather excessive.

And that is so true.. Women are rather pushed into the workforce than deciding to join it out of a personal will.. They lack empowerment, ambition and a sound environment which might inspire them to be productive citizens.

For further elaboration on this point, let's check out what was in a paper called "Women and Poverty," by Ms. Sahar Nasr, as part of the Joint Report of the National Council for Women and the World Bank (2003).. In her research on women headed households, Nasr has found that most of those women are widowed. Which means that as long as there is a man at home, poor women would never consider having a job.

Poverty has Higher Price for Women and Girls. While poverty per se is not a gender concern, women, along with their children, tend to be more vulnerable to poverty than men.

Poor women often face a triple disadvantage:

•Heavy reproductive burden and their non-market contributions are often not recognized—undervaluing a significant part of their economic contributions.
•Social concerns may also limited women’s access to labor market and the type of jobs from which they can choose.
•Finally, women generally have lower educational achievements, reducing their earnings ability.

Do you realize now that you can not just sit there and complain? Your country needs you, because you are one of the very few young, healthy, well-educated women who expected to be productive, and any development would simply not happen as long as you insist on throwing all your education and personal skills against the wall and sitting there doing nothing.

BE RESPONSIBLE.. ACT RESPONSIBLE.. DO SOMETHING FOR THE FUTURE OF YOUR KIDS.. STOP MAKING YOUR COUNTRY POORER

Women Rights in Egypt: When the Wheel Has to Be Reinvented

I've said before that the huge steps taken by Egyptian women on their road to liberation in a previous era have now been reduced to a few centimeters. We're heading back to square one, thanks to the deterioration that Egypt is witnessing in the cultural, educational and social fields. And today I am saying it once more. Sorry to break the news.. but unfortunately there seems no hope in improving women conditions in Egypt unless we reinvent the wheel.

Why so?

1- Egyptians are revisiting the old libraries of the gulf, digging up the history of a different culture and trying to apply it to their present lives. In the process, they totally forgot their own identity and neglected their own history and culture. Books of Muhammed Abdu, Qassim Amin and Huda Shaarawy are now fit for the Egyptian museum. Nobody knows the titles of those books.. and that is in the most optimistic scenario.. as there is another scenario in which people do not know that such books exist in first place. Therefore, displaying them at the museum may do them good.. at least young people would know that we once had a women's liberation movement.

2- Everything that women struggled for in the past, until they were finally successful in attaining some of their rights is being threatened. We are nowadays arguing basic human rights issues related to women.. like women's work! Even sexual harrassment has got its supporters based on the idea that women should not leave their homes!

3- Whatever rights women seem to be enjoying in Egypt have lost their essence to become a mere image and a fake appearance of equal opportunities between males and females. Take education as an example.. How many girls get their college degrees and then never join the workforce? How many female students apply for graduate studies? How many females are interested in research? Education for females is still looked upon as an extra.. a luxury.. a means to have a better chance in marriage. I'm sorry to say that a lot of money is being wasted on educating females in Egypt.

4- Currently, women themselves are the biggest obstacle in our way to development. A large percentage of them is not only a burden on Egypt's economy, but also a major hindering factor that prevents society from moving forward. We must face it.. Those women have moved from being merely self-destructive into becoming weapons of mass destruction. Therefore, helping them to improve their conditions is no more a humanitarian mission.. Forget the big talk about humanity and values and all this charity.. We need to help them in order to stop our country from going downhill. We're talking about protecting our existence and saving generations to come.

5- Women's health in Egypt is a major issue. As EFC has pointed earlier, women are the ones responsible for the wellbeing of their families.. So, these self-hating women who refuse to look after themselves are also risking the wellbeing of their families. Billions are being wasted on medical care for women who are only being careless about their health and general hygiene. Obesity is a growing epidemic threatening the human resources of this country. Women suffer from many diseases because of their ignorance and their dissatisfaction with their lives. They suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure, heart diseases, malnutrition, bacterial and fungal infections, late discovery of cancers (esp. breast cancer and endometrial cancer), bone and joint disorders, ...etc. Psychological illnesses are very common among women.. from depression to serious conditions like hysteria and schizophrenia. Of course poverty contributes a lot to this problem.. but the self-destructive element can not be overlooked.

6-If you talk to an average Egyptian girl for 10 mins, you will discover that she thinks of herself as an excess.. an intruder into a man's world. She views herself as a second class citizen and she defends the patriarchal excuses given to justify this humiliating existence and absence of equality.. What a disgrace! Girls actually think that they are doing humanity a "huge favor" by accepting this kind of reality. Yeah.. and they believe that is their gate to heaven too! Acceptance and submissiveness is our women's number one virtue nowadays. Hurray!

If we continue to deceive ourselves by saying that our job is simply to continue what our ancestors have started decades ago then there is no hope. The situation is dangerous, and the writing is on the wall.. All we gotta do is read it, no matter how shocking it is. We gotta start a women's liberation movement from scratch. We gotta convince girls that they are not inferiors, that they are full humans, that they have a role to play on the social scene... bla bla bla. I know it sounds like ABC.. But, do we have a choice?

Egyptian Mozzah

The word "mozzah" in the Egyptian slang dialect stands for "sexy chick" or "diva". And when used as an adjective - as in "that girl is mozzah"- it basically means, "she's hot". But the word "mozzah", whether used as a noun or an adjective, is not really a good word in Arabic. Actually, it is a very clear example of how our modern language itself reflects how the Egyptian society views females nowadays. This word is a live expression of all the negative feelings and disrespect that men have in the back of their minds while dealing with women.. even those they find to be attractive or stunning.

Mozzah was initially used by men of lower classes and those who work in manual labor. This particular social group, as you would expect, had a very narrow prespective.. and its view of women was totally physical. Therefore, when a mechanic used to tell his fiancée that she was a mozzah, all he meant was to praise her beauty and her feminine appeal. It didn't sound inappropriate or vulgar at the time. And girls who were considered "mozaz" (plural) usually had lots of confidence, knowing that they are desired by men. That was due to 2 reasons: 1) Those girls mainly belonged to the same social class. 2) The word itself did not use to have the strikingly negative associations it expresses nowadays. Thus, the word existed peacefully in the vocabulary of this group, and was merely considered a bit crude by those who happen to hear it from outside it.

When combined with the possessive pronoun "my", mozzah becomes "mozzeti", which meant my sweetheart (the old term for girlfriend). Men used to tell their male friends in the neighborhood about their emotional commitments, so that none of those friends would have a crush on their sweethearts. The girl labelled as someone's mozzah was in fact protected by this declaration, and automatically conceived of as this person's future wife. Other men usually kept their limits and would never ever attempt to court such a girl or annoy her. By no means could a man dare do that, except if he was an enemy of that girl's boyfriend. By flattering with someone's mozzah, a man was sending a message of open hatred, and his clear aim was inviting her boyfriend to fight. Having said that, I should add that a mistress was never described as mozzah, or given the title of being somebody's mozzah. Men of those classes were very serious about differntiating between girls for fun (easy girls that were notorious for their multiple relationships) and those they truly loved and wished to marry.

That was just a brief "historical" background. Of course I'm kidding.. It wasn't that long ago anyway. What I meant to say is: that was a thing of the past.

Due to the political and economic factors which were altering very rapidly during the previous decades, many social changes took place.. The most observable of which was what happened to the Egyptian social pyramid, causing it to turn up-side-down. This had its huge impact on all the facets of Egyptian life.. And I would have loved to go through them all, except that there is no room for that here. What concerns us, though, is the disappearance of the Egyptian middle class, which used to hold the whole social structure together.. as well as bearing the responsibility of directing the whole society. The middle class - with its well-defined value system, cultural interests, political involvement, and high awareness - is an indespensible component in maintaining balance and deciding the general social frame of any country. Thus, the collapse of the middle class in Egypt led to massive chaos in the social scene.

Hearing the language spoken in the Egyptian street nowadays, one will notice that it is a hybrid mixture of different classes, different cultures, different backgrounds, different languages, that have absolutely nothing in common; neither between one another, nor between them and their original sources. At the heart of this linguistic mess comes the word "mozzah" to summarize the modern social scene with its explicit definition of the current relationship between genders. It sums up how today's patriarchal society thinks about females, and manifests how words receive different meanings according to the prevailing culture/mentality.

The modern use of the word mozzah has absolutely nothing to do with social class. Moreover, it is commonly used by young Egyptian men while talking about females in general.. in a way where the word "female" became actually replaced by the word "mozzah". It is not categorized as an offensive word, in spite of the fact that it is considered as a kind of verbal harassment when it takes the form of a loud remark from a male stranger. Being called "mozzah" while walking down the street is enough to make any girl turn red and run away. The word now has a straight sexual meaning, and it is used for indecent flirting, or at least with a clear aim of embarrassing girls who are chosen to be victims of those loud flirtatous advancements. When used for this purpose, a guy usually follows it by a sound of a kiss, or a wink, or any similar gesture that would stress its sexual connotation and cause the biggest possible amount of embarrassment to his victim.

In casual male conversation, however, "mozzah" can be used to refer to any girl, or to describe a physically attactive babe, or as an indirect way of describing certain seductive features of the female body. The word is seldom used in its possessive form.. and in this case it may refer to the guy's own girlfriend! Yes, you read it correctly.. but it is a way of expressing that the relationship is pure dating.. nothing serious involved. Thus, in fact, it gives the total opposite message that was intended by the original "mozzeti". This time the person speaking is declaring that he does not really care about his mozzah (his girlfriend) . It is anindirect invitation to his friends to consider dating that girl after he gets bored with her, and a green light for those friends if they wish to tell jokes about that girl or exchange any negative remarks about her with her boyfriend!

So, as you have seen, our patriarchal culture has borrowed a word from the low-class dictionary, changed its usage, colored it with various negative paints, made it entirely sexual, and turned it into a weapon against females. Yet, it is not a hidden weapon that circles among men during their private chats.. nor is it condemned by society for its negative implications.. nor is it rejected by the media or movie makers. On the contrary.. It is welcomed into our daily lives and is openly exchanged between people everywhere.. It is now a most used word in Egyptian vocabulary.. and has become closely related to the Egyptian dialect! Now what does that tell you?

The word's influence didn't stop here, though. For as long as the usual scenario goes, whatever is imposed by the patriarchal society is automatically accepted by the vulnerable followers. It becomes a matter of fact. That's exactly what happened with Egyptian females who readily digusted the word as part of their cultural environment. Yes, "mozzah" is undeniably an anti-female word, aiming mainly to humiliate women and destroy their self-esteem. Its purpose is to objectify women and turn them into the purely physical/sexual dolls. They are plainly conceived of as only bodies, made up of flesh that is both desired and despised. A girl gets trapped inside this narrow tunnel.. She has to be mozzah in order to be appealing to men, and at the same time she is humiliated for being one. She has to be objectified twice: as a sexual body, and as an object of verbal abuse.. a source of shame.. a passive recpient of patriarchal violence and hostility.

In spite of all that, Egyptian girls do use the word mozzah in their speech, just like parrots. However, they prefer to live in denial.. and they use it to praise the beauty of each other, or to refer to THEMSELVES when talking about looking exceptionally stunning. For example, a girl might tell her friend that she was a mozzah (looking really good) the previous night, when she was dressed up for a party.. Or she might seek to compliment her friend by telling her that she is a mozzah, instead of saying "you look great". In doing so, girls are responding to the social stress and the constant demand that they should be physically attractive. They know that society wants them to be sexually appealing. And instinctly, those girls need to feel accepted, desired and loved. To achieve that, they are forced to follow the criteria defined by their society. Before anything else, a girl has to be a mozzah. Yet, likewise, Egyptian girls are aware of the lusty, indecent, abusive, degrading, and hostile nature of the word.. That's why in their current vulnerable position, they had to come up with this tactic of self-deceit which enables them to accept the concept of mozzah, while escaping it as a verbal phenomenon. They have reflected their own desperate need for admiration, along with their inability to face the powerful tools which patriarchy uses against them, on the word itself. Just as girls are torn between those two pressures, they split "mozzah" in half. But how far will this self-deceit actually lead them?

To every Egyptian Mozzah reading this: Burying your head in the sand will only make you weaker, more disrespected, more vulnerable, and more shameful. You are not a body, girl. You are not a piece of dilicious meat, or a sexy doll! As long as you don't believe that.. as long as you don't realize that you deserve a better treatment.. as long as you surrender to such assaults and degradation.. as long as you are not ready to stand up for yourself and defend your dignity.. as long as you don't value your mind and soul.. as long as you are following your oppressors.. as long as you don't have the courage to say NO.. as long as you accept being a mozzah.. YOU WILL NEVER BE A HUMAN BEING!

Too Much Love Will Kill You

What a classic! A lovely song by Queen, that I always hear buzzing at the back of my head every time I totally lose myself in doing something I love. I'm a workaholic and unlike people who find it as something to be proud of, I try to cure it. I wanna have a social life. I wanna hang out more with my friends. I wanna go shopping and enjoy the tiny joys of life. I wanna have vacations. I wanna go on long walks. I wanna read more novels. I want many things, but I always keep them second to work.

Enough wishful thinking.. The reason why I chose this song to be my topic is that I see lots of young girls who would go as far as destroying their lives in the name of love. I'm not against love. I'm not even against crazy love, deadly romantic love.. you name it. But what I'm against is a false understanding of love; the destructive love that turns your whole life up-side-down, just to chase an illusion.

Let me be clearer. Of course most of us have gone through this experience of what's-so-called "first love", when you're a teenager and you just fall off your feet for someone who is your total opposite for no reason. Sounds familiar? You invest months and may be years in this "relationship" only to discover that it was nonsense. Just a training for your new emotional skills. Something to get you started for a life of dating. You were just exploring what it's like to be in a relationship, that's all. This person whom you used to see as an angel lacking two wings, you now discovered that he's only a below-average fellow, one you can never be attracted to now by any means. It is so strange that what seemed to you as the most genuine feeling of all, has turned to be so fake. Even your suffering from a broken heart now seems ridiculous, something to laugh at rather than to be sorry for.

Yet, you can read in newspapers about teenage girls who eloped with their boyfriends, or others who would get married via a piece of paper or a secret exchange of vows. They are girls who got trapped into this false experience and can not see anything further. Usually they are the ones who have oppressive parents, who can't even handle the thought that their little girl is attracted to a guy in her dreams. That's why, their repressed feelings along with their lack of guidance and the sudden emotional burst they experience at this age result in a poisonous combination that intoxicates their brains, making them take such drastic decisions. There's no need to get into further details about what happens next. We all know.

However, teenage girls are not the only ones who get trapped in such a way.. Often we see mature women who are not so mature when it comes to issues of the heart: Women who date guys that are way beneath them; Women who would do foolish things for love; Women who would know that the guy is a player but insist to go on with the relation; Women who are willing to go as far as losing their personality for the person they love; Women who are willing to give up everything in return for nothing; Women who take full responsibility of their partners (along with the financial responsibilities in many cases) just for love; Women who date married men; Women who get veiled out of love (I'm seeing a lot nowadays), Women who quit their jobs to please their partners; Women who allow themselves to be taken advantage of... an endless list.

I've always wondered why? Whenever I see one of those beautiful and well-educated girls who go suddenly blind and date someone who has Mr. Wrong written all over him, I always ask why? I heard a lot of stories about from women trying to explain what they think was the reason (mostly when the thing ends), but I was never convinced. Most of them would just throw the common "love is blind" at you, as if it explains itself. Many keep saying how attached to the person they were that they couldn't break free. Many say they were totally deceived, that the guy was an excellent actor. Others say they've already invested too much in the relationship that they were reluctant to quit. (Those are somewhat honest with themselves.) And you can often hear something as naïve as "I thought he loved me. He said he loved me. Why would I suspect that he lies?"

I'm so good at reading eyes by the way? Haven't I ever told you so? Well, just for the record, I'm damn good at it.

What I saw in all those female eyes was lack of self-confidence. That was it, nothing else. They can keep listing all the fake reasons in the world. But they don't do the effort of digging deep inside them to know where the problem lies. That's why you often see them repeating their mistakes, as if they learned absolutely nothing from their previous experiences. They always do it with the thought that "this person is different," and then when the same scenario repeats itself, you find the girl say, "It seems I always attract the wrong guys." They can't admit it to themselves that they do have a problem. Yes, in spite of all their excellent qualities, they are allowing themselves to be fooled.. of course not in a direct sense, but by living in denial.

Most of us were raised in such a way which left us insecure. If we really care to find a cure, I believe we shouldn't deny it. The up-bringing along with the treatment we receive from society has left a gap inside our souls. We tend to react to that by proving that we have a lot to offer, even if it is for the wrong person, seeking to fill this gap. We get too weak when someone shows interest in us, especially if he has some superficial qualities that would mark him as attractive: like being handsome, being rich, being successful, having a sense of humor… etc. The social image that they keep chasing us with all the time is that to be complete is to have a man by your side. We took it to mean that to be loved by a man is the most important thing in life, while in fact it's not. Most of us would then exaggerate in their efforts to keep this man. To most girls, a man who loves them (or claims to love them) is good enough. Therefore, a girl doesn't look any further. She doesn't care to put him to the test. She doesn't take time to analyze his actions or words. He is the best man as long as he showed interest in her. That's why she would put all her doubts to sleep. She will only concentrate on making him her own, wearing his ring.

Girls, if you think your luck alone is guilty of making you always fall for the wrong man, please think again. If you think that love is blind, and that the only way for showing love is losing your love of yourself, you are totally misled. Love, like any partnership, is give and take. If it's one-sided, one giver and one taker, it means failure. Admire your good qualities and don't ever settle for anything less than what you truly deserve. It's your own life, don't waste it. Too much love may kill you.

To all of you who can relate to this post, I dedicate those parts of the song:

I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me

About growing up and what a struggle it would be

In my tangled state of mind

I've been looking back to find

Where I went wrong

Too much love will kill you

If you can't make up your mind

Torn between the loverAnd the love you leave behind

You're headed for disaster

'cos you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Too much love will kill you

Just as sure as none at all

It'll drain the power that's in you

Make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy

You're the victim of your crime

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Too much love will kill you

It'll make your life a lie

Yes, too much love will kill you

And you won't understand why

You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul

But here it comes again

Too much love will kill you

In the end...

Desperate Housewives

Have you ever imagined yourself, after tying yourself up to your desk to study for long, endless hours to get a high score in thanawya ama; after all those sleepless nights when your nervous system is about to crash in order to pass your exams every years; after you finally secure a place in a decent college; after you spend the years struggling through the heat and the traffic to get to your class on time; after you put up with all the cruel professors and fight long battles with the fat textbooks; after you finally hold your university degree in your hand; have you ever imagined yourself to become a housewife?

Don't say something like, "Oh, no way. I'm not crazy to do that. I want to have a career and anyone who decides to marry me has to understand that." Because most of the women who ended up at home didn't have it as their childhood dream. And please don't say, "Well, I deserve some rest after this suffering." Because you weren't being tortured, you were being educated. And if you don't value your education, it means you learned nothing. I beg you don't say, "Why not? If my husband is rich and we can live comfortably on his salary. Why do I need a job?" Because people don't only work for money. It is society's right to benefit from your abilities, besides it being a basic psychological need for acquiring self-worth.

A question that has been recently asked a lot is: Where are all the female honor students? Where have all the female top scorers of thanawya ama gone? The fact that the majority of A+ students over the several past years were females, made many people wonder about the fate of those "geniuses". All those top students whose photographs were published in all newspapers, who were featured in TV shows, who filled the world with hopes and dreams for the future, have then disappeared.

A survey done recently by an independent newspaper has shown that 80% of those girls are now housewives, while the others are working routine jobs, that are devoid of any mental challenges and don't require any special talents, just cause their jobs' hours are suitable for them as "working mothers" (whatever that means). That's where the brilliant girls end up in this country. In a third world country that needs every possible mind to save it from the ditch it has sunk into. In a country where half the population is illiterate. In a country that is fighting for development to escape the jaws of poverty. In a country that doesn't manufacture any heavy material, or medicine, or high tech equipments. In a country that is being attacked by diseases. In a country that is falling into the darkness of religious extremism and ignorance.

Those girls are of two types, in my opinion. 1- They are quitters. They simply don't respect the knowledge they gained or the talent they possess. They don't care about the future of their country. They don't want to play any role in changing their society. They are not smart. They are girls with no character or aims, who happened to score high grades to please their family and to brag about it. Our country wastes its money in educating those quitters and giving them the best opportunities just so that after graduation they will stick out their tongues and say "Game over, we're done. We're staying home cause we found the perfect grooms who liked our high scores and think we are intelligent." 2- They are hypnotized. They were deceived by society and by their husbands to believe that their roles as wives and mothers are enough. They heard it over and over again, that a good mother serves society by taking care of the new generations. Yeah, looool.. The new generations indeed. Doesn't matter if those new generations find no decent education. Doesn't matter if those new generations suffer from poverty and diseases. Doesn't matter if those new generations have no jobs. Doesn't matter if they feel ashamed of their origins to be born in a weak country. Doesn't matter if they find it impossible to achieve any dreams. Doesn't matter at all. What is important is to have the new generations. Let them be whatever they want to be after that. Let them beg in the streets. Let them do drugs. Let them flee the country or sink in a ship trying to get to Europe. Let them commit suicide cause they got hopeless. Let them turn into terrorists to help Bin Laden. Let them hang out aimlessly in the streets to pass the time. Let them harass the girls in public transportation cause they have no hope of marrying one day. Let them have their turn in giving birth to a new more miserable generation. That's life, heh?

Either quitters or hypnotized, those girls, now women, turn into desperate housewives. They spent their whole lives trying to please their parents and then their husbands. Most of them are unaware of not having any life of their own. They are the ones who eat the burnt cookies; they always come last. They didn't learn to value themselves, or their minds, that's why they can't value positive social roles. They live in the tiny shell of their families, without caring to see what's beyond. They do as they are told, the obedient kittens in the house. They end up living like single moms, cause their husbands will never think about giving a hand with the home or with the kids. What's she doing sitting all day at home? It's her job. Let her handle everything, and if anything went wrong, it's only her to blame. She's there for the kids 24/7, so the kids should have the highest grades at school, they should be disciplined and quiet when dad's at home. If they ever misbehave, it's her fault. The father then becomes a bank. He's out there making money for the dependents at home. Being the bank, means that he has the right to have everything exactly the way he likes, he doesn't care how, it's not his job. He only finances the process, and he has absolutely no interests to learn about details. He doesn't care how many damn hours you spent in the kitchen to prepare his meal, he just cares that it doesn't taste good enough for him. It has to be perfect. You are there to make it perfect. He paid for all the grocery to eat a perfect meal. Damn you. You ruined it. And so those desperate housewives would grow exhausted and bitter. Their bitterness becomes reflected in everything, even if they do their best to satisfy everybody. Cause they forgot to satisfy the main person: themselves. As years pass, they become fat, ill-dressed, shallow, nervous, unable to feel happiness, unable to appreciate life, unable to communicate with their children, unable to please their husbands, unable to have sex, unable to practice a hobby or have serious interests. They get lost in the tiny details of daily life and their only quality time is watching TV. The weekend becomes a nightmare, cause the man is there to criticize all day and nag about everything. An outing at the club turns into her being a watch guard for the kids. She goes out for their sake, she doesn't have any fun. The summer vacation is even worse, she worries about packing, cleaning the chalet, taking kids toys and sandwiches to the beach, watching them play in the water with their dad (What? do you want her to wear a swimsuit to join them? Are you crazy? Let her just watch or read a tabloid magazine) , having them bathed after that, preparing a meal for the hungry swimmers, preparing snacks for the evening, washing the swimsuits and towels, and so on and so forth. She doesn't enjoy a single minute during this time. She is there to make their time enjoyable. She is there so that they can have pure fun, while she is sucked up in all those details that are consuming her life.

Look around you, you'll find those desperate housewives everywhere. They are the typical image of Egyptian women. They get all the criticism in spite of sacrificing everything for those they love. Your sister can be one of them, if you don't pay attention to her turning into a quitter or a hypnotized. Your mother can be one of them, and you blame her for everything, from being nosy to not having your favorite shirt clean on time. Your wife can be one of them, if you selfishly seek to make her another image of your mother. (Most men don't know the difference between the role of a mother and that of a wife, thus they are so naïve while starting their own families. They want a second mother to be dependant on, not a partner to share their lives with.) Your daughter can become one of them as well, if you are setting the wrong example for her and sacrificing what she can become for the sake of how society wants her to become.

Changing the picture is in our hands. Instead of packing our reality with all those desperate housewives, let's offer them something different. Let's teach the girls to love themselves and to realise their true potential. Let's build their self-esteem and encourage them to pursue their own goals. Let's teach them how to be useful citizens and to take part in developing their country. Let's talk to all the females we know about the value of work and how it secures a better future for them as individuals and as family members. Let's not tolerate a quitter among us and make her always feel that she's escaping her responsibilities. Let's not leave a hypnotized to dwell in her imagined world, but inspire her to lead a complete life. It all starts with you, right now.

Why I love my period

Unlike what most women feel about their monthly period, I certainly love my period. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing gross. Of course, like all females I hate the cramps, the mood swings, the headache, the bloating and all this. But, the thing is.. we were like two enemies and then we finally became friends.

Let me start from the very beginning. If you're a female you can imagine the horrifying experience of the first time you had your period. So natural, yet ugly. My mom as usual kept in the dark until boom.. I came of age. Surely enough, I was scared. I thought I was injured somehow, and in the place where I was never allowed to examine or even look at. I still can hear all the warnings going through my head "Never ever touch yourself down there," Never ever look down there," "Just wipe yourself quickly clean after you pee, that's all." I thought that the devil lived down there and that he has punched me with his pitchfork on that day.

My mom came back home for the surprise of her life. I hadn't still made it to the 5th grade and I already had my period. She just gave me a sanitary towel. I still remember the brand, "Loulou", the same she used. She showed me how to stick it inside my pants and that's it. She didn't care to give any explanation. What is this? Why? Will it happen again? What am I supposed to do now? Nothing was said. I had to ask: "Mom, what happened?" She looked far away as if she got suddenly absent-minded, and after a long pause she said, "Nothing, it's normal, every girl has it. Don't worry."
Me: Has what? What the hell is this?
Mom: It's called the period. You'll see it every month.
Me: Why does it happen? Where does the blood come from?
Mom: Hey, hey. enough questions. Just keep yourself dry by using these towels I gave you until it ends.
Me: When does it end?
Mom: Two or three days from now.
Me: Why didn't it happen before?
Mom: You were so young. You are still so young, but it means that you now are a woman.
Me (Laughing): Wow! I grew up?
It has always been my wish and my prayer to God to make me grow up fast so that people will treat me like an adult. I thought God made my wish come true. But my mom didn't like me laughing about it.
Mom (interrupting my dreams): What are you laughing about? This is filthy. You are not clean until it ends. You should take care from now on.
Me: Take care of what? Am I not ok?
Mom: No, you're not ok during those days of bleeding. You're sick. You should stay in bed.
Me: But I'm feeling alright.
Mom: Why are you always arguing? Of all the girls of the world God gave me the most troublesome!
Me: Sorry, but I just wanna know. That's all. Take it easy.

This was the last time ever to ask my mom about anything. I learned my lesson. I wondered why she wasn't happy on that day. Unlike my father, who congratualted me and gave me a big hug.

When I got back to school I expected that all the girls had had the same experience. Well, that's what my mom said, right? All girls have it?. But none of them seemed to know what I was asking about. I then came confused and whenever I had my period I got scared and kept checking the back of my skirt several times to see if there are any stains. I must have looked so suspicions back then. I then started having all the negative feelings about growing up. Growing up alone was bad enough, I felt isolated. I couldn't run and play the ball with the other kids during those days. I kept excusing the teachers to be able to go to the restroom during classes. I started having the pain and the headaches that made it difficult for me to concentrate and I got depressed. I hated being a woman and I hated my period for making me a woman. I wanted to return a kid. It was far better. At least I wouldn't walk with those Loulous hanging between my legs. (It was the worst brand ever, it would never stick to its place. Oh, Thank God for the Always Ultra of today.)

Two years after, things were so different. Most of the girls had shared the experience by then. They were all so curious about what has happened to them. It was certainly miserable to have this shock while you're at school, being totally ignorant about it. A few had been enlightened by their mothers before they had the shock, but the majority were in the dark just like me. Most of the mothers were not any better than mine when it came to this issue it seems. I then discovered that it's normal. Still things were wrapped in mystery.

I went to the school library to search for answers. I found my treasure: A book about teenaging. I borrowed the book and kept reading it all day after school. I did nothing else. Read it from cover to cover. I didn't sleep that night. I was so amazed. It's like Pandora's box had suddenly opened in front of me. The book talked about stages of growth, psychological and emotional changes, menstruation, masturbation, sexual identity, everything that I was totally blank about. This is definitely the day in which I really grew up. I left the Disney world and I entered the real world. I discovered that in spite of all the education I was having, all the exams, all the difficult subjects and the high grades I was scoring, all were a zero. I was ignorant. Not only ignorant about the world, but about myself. Never before had I thought about things like how we grow up? (I only knew I am one year older when I blew off my birthday candles) what happens after we grow up? how do people get married? how do they have kids? why do they have kids? what's the aim of life? what are ethics? how can a person be ethical? and many many other things. My mind suddenly exploded with questions. But I kept them all locked into my head, never asked anyone, especially adults. I no more trusted them. I dicovered they were all liars. At that point I didn't care to understand why they were lying, I just knew they were liars. The only good adults were those who wrote facts in books. Books became my dearest friends, they never lied to me. (They are still my best friends now, although I discovered that some of them lie as well.)

I kept reading and reading all the time. I was always afraid that life was too short to read all the books in the world. I wanted to read them all. My hate for school became bitter. I started being aggressive with my teachers. I ignored studying. I felt I was way above all this. I would instead search for books about the topics in the schoolbooks and read them. I truly grew up, fast, super fast. Nothing could stop me. I would look any adult in the eye and feel like an equal. I got the same knowledge that he/she has and keeps as a secret, as if it is dividing them from babies. My self-confidence boomed and I was considered by many to be arrogant (that's why I failed to make new friends, my old friends were the only ones who knew the truth, and I managed to keep them till now.) I grew stubborn, cause my beliefs were based on facts, so I felt I had a solid ground to stand on, and almost nothing could sway me. My parents felt I was impossible. My success kept them from saying any negative comments. If they ever said one, I would stand tall and look them in the eye, saying "What do you want? I'm a perfect daughter. I know my duties well and I am the most successful one among my peers. What more? Do you just want to control me? Do you just want to feel the pleasure that parents get from designing the lives of their children, ultimately ruining them? I'm not a puppet, and never will be." Of course after hearing a 13 year old talk in that way, you freak out. I myself sometimes freaked out. Sometimes I was surprised at my ability to come up with the perfect answers in different situations. I faced people with reality without being rude. (At least I sincerely avoided being rude)

As I grew older, I understood many things. Everything thing for me became a subject for analysis. I was the youngest one to own a computer (at that time) and I was able to use all its applications perfectly. I then insisted to work during the summer. My parents yelled a bit, then they agreed cause I had had everything settled. This made me even more independent and made me more self-confident. All of the limitations that the world set for me kept falling one by one. Being young didn't prevent me from achieving what adults achieve. I could learn, I could understand, I could work and earn my own living. Being a girl didn't stand in the way, I was far better than all the boys (and some of the men) in my family. I didn't stay in bed during my period, even when it was most painful. I didn't do like the girls who act out the fatigue, as if saying out loud "I'm having my period, please take pity on me." I discovered that they were acting out the social picture, while in fact they can be perfectly fine. I took something for the headache and vitamines which kept me going very normally. I learned the benefits of my period and how it can tell me exactly how healthy I am. I sometimes make it work for my own benefit, taking it as an excuse to skip my weight-trainning session at the gym, for example. I loved the idea that my body is working in an organized cycle, that I can monitor its performance. I know when I will be in high spirits and use this extra energy. I know when I'll get depressed and be sure that there's nothing wrong. I know when I'll be easily provoked and prevent it.

Men always refer to our period as a disadvantage, saying that it makes us crazy and sick. They take it as an excuse to prevent us from having certain jobs and holding high positions in our country. This is bullshit! Why don't we ever hear this stupid argument in civilized countries? Why don't they say to their prime minister, "Oh, you're a woman, so you get a period which makes you crazy, then you can't govern us." Why are we the only females who get ashamed of their period? It is only a cultural and social heritage, that has nothing to do with reality. My own period was one of the reasons why I advanced in life. Let yours act in the same way.

A Woman for Love

She is the woman in the past of every Egyptian man. She is the one in the shadow. She hides in his imagination and memories. She is the woman who is cursed for being smart, or talented, or independent, or free thinking, or daring, or beautiful. She is attractive and intriguing. She's the one with whom you can never get bored, and with whom you can really have a conversation going. She may have a sense of humor and a quick wit. She may understand you from a glance and she may get under your skin in a blink of an eye. She's all that a man dreams of.. in love, only love, just love, no more.

When it comes to having a family, a man totally shifts his criteria. He wants the meek, the shy, the conservative, the veiled, the dependent, and, most important, the submissive. He wants someone who can never be his equal or pose a challenge to his mind. He looks for someone who is born for the home, with no ambitions of her own, no ideas of her own, and certainly no individuality. He looks for his mother, who was always there to take care of everyone while forgetting herself in the process.

It is amazing how the same man forgets his old love and what used to like in a woman. The spark of intelligence in his woman's eyes he now finds scary. How can he live under the same roof with such a tigress? How can he tame a woman who has her individual personality and independent thinking? She poses a threat to his manhood. She will never practice the blind obedience of his mother and grandmother. And she will definitely cause trouble.

But do these factors mark her as unfit to be a wife? I believe, in our male dominated society, they do. An Egyptian wife has a specific image. It is like a mold, if a woman can't fit into it, then she can't become a wife. If she really wants to have this "honor" she has to give up all her qualities and conform to societal demands. She has to become the typical woman who only cares about cooking, cleaning, satisfying her husband and getting him children. She must follow the footsteps of her master and never take decisions on her own. She must agree that she is less than him in everything. And she must raise her male children to think that she, as well as their sisters, are less than them.

So it's a woman's destiny to lead a life of sacrifice. She can sacrifice herself, her personality, her dreams, her ambitions, her humanity, or she can sacrifice her love, her right to start a family, and her motherhood. Her choices are limited into being a woman for love, or a tamed wife. I am afraid that in our societies a woman is squeezed into one of those two categories; she is either one or the other, but never both.

Men Out of the Jungle

The jungle is the ultimate male paradise. That's their perfect environment. They can't live away from the wild life of hunting, adventure and making use of their physical strength. That's what makes them feel satisfied and proud. That's where they can attain their maximum achievement and pleasure. Men just want to struggle with beasts and hunt them for food. A man needs to fight with another man over a beautiful woman to see who is more macho and deserves the prize! That's how their barbaric nature prevents them from enjoying civilized life, where a person is valued by his brain not his muscles! They just can't take it. I sometimes feel pity for those who can't accept the idea that jungle days are over. Now, they can't jump from tree to tree, or from woman to woman. They can't go out exercising their physical strength and coming home with the broken arrow of their opponent. They can't go hunting to prove their bravery and receive cheers from the hungry members of the family waiting for food. All the good old days of fun are over.

But men won't accept this fact. They still live in this myth that they are the savers of the world and the protectors of half its population, that is the weak helpless creatures called women. Oh, how will women survive without those strong fellows, with their solid bodies and loud roars which drive the enemies away? How can we just go about in life without a man by our side to protect us from harm?

They can't believe that we don't live in caves anymore. You can easily go to rent or buy an apartment with a solid door and reliable lock. There is a nice service called police to report the evil guys and have them put in jail. There is a civil society where people work in offices using what they learned and what their mental skills enable them to do. The best people in this society are the most successful and most creative, not the strongest or the bigger built! Hunting and wrestling became games for leisure and not a way to make a living! Women choose their partners according to rational and emotional reasons. They don't want you to hunt for them to enjoy your imaginary victory. If a woman chooses you, it's not out of your clever crafting and endless stalking, it's simply because that's her decision. She may allow you some time to perform all the games you learned in the jungle, just for her amusement and for satisfying your empty ego. She may then complete your myth by telling you all the things a caveman wants to hear: "You are my first love," "You are the best man in the world," "You are the only one who won my heart," ... bla bla bla.

Men complain cause women are not straightforward or cause they lie to them. Well, you live in an imaginary world and you refuse to get down to earth and live as a human. If a woman gets promoted at work, you go crazy. If a woman is brave enough to let you know that she is interested in you, your hunt is ruined and you leave her for a difficult chase (or what you want to think is a difficult chase). If a woman speaks her mind freely, you think she's easy and treat her with disrespect. If a woman says she doesn't need protection, you imagine her as the star of a porn movie.

I'm so sorry to see that men can't adapt to their new lives outside the jungle. But I also warn that we shouldn't deceive them by making them believe that jungle rules still control our lives today. Leading them on has had its disasterous effects on society as a whole. I know that they will have a psychological shock when they face the truth, that their only advantage (physical strength) is useless in today's world. A tiny gun can kill a thousand men. A woman can protect herself well enough without a bodyguard. And switching from one woman to another is called cheating in all the world's dictionaries. Sorry guys.. You'd better cope with it.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back!

No, it's not a new dance routine.. It's the situation of women nowadays. For every step we take forward, we move two steps back.

Scene 1:

There was a time when Egyptian women had their position in every facet of life. Now, we are arguing basic things like women's work. The next thing you see is some crazy person coming out to say that a woman should breastfeed her male colleagues to be able to share the office with them! What kind of sick mind is this? Why are many clerks obsessed with women and sex?

Scene 2:
Not so long ago women used to go to college wearing miniskirts and sleeveless blouses without being subjected to any kind of harassment. They received due respect from everybody. They rode public transportation. They walked in the streets. They mingled healthily with their male colleagues. Nobody dared to criticise them even! Now, it is not enough that you dress moderately, you have to cover your hair too, and still expect to be harassed at any time, not only verbally, but physically also! And if you complain, it is always your fault. You encouraged him, you like being harassed. Why did you leave your home then?!!! OMG.. Sick, sick, sick!
Imagine how far from civilization we've gone!

Scene 3:

Successful girls received scholarships abroad and were allowed by their parents to travel and come back with MAs and PhDs. Ask your female professors at university, who didn't come from rich families, or families which were westernized. Now, girls will be so grateful if they are allowed to apply for graduate studies inside Egypt even. Imagine if she mentions travelling abroad! Talks about you will get too busy and you won't find time to get married! Or you won't find a man who agrees to have a wife who holds a higher degree than him!! No man will consider a girl who lived abroad on her own for 1 or more years! No man, no man, no man.. F*** this man!

One sorrowful scene after the other, we just keep moving backwards. Forget about women liberation movements, we're back to square one! How far do they want us to go? We reached the bottom, yet it's not enough.. They want us to dig our own graves!

Power, Politics, and Gender

Injustice is a cosmic plague. Countries can be imperialistic and oppressive while others are weak and helpless. Dictators abuse their powers within their countries. And likewise men and women fit into this cycle. You can not tell which leads to the other: Is it the weakness of the weak which tempts the powerful to take advantage? Or the absolute power in the hands of the powerful which causes others to submit in fear?

Whether it is this or that, democratic countries have invented a system which helps in the prevention of power abuse. They have constructed systems which would enable the public to supervise the performance of their rulers and give them the power to share in decision making. They also invented something called "voting", to guarantee that whoever comes to power has the approval of the public.

However, this did not stop dictators from having their way inside their countries. Their elections are rigged. Their parliament is mere décor. Their media is under control. Their laws enable them to do the most horrible crimes legally. Thus, the public in those countries are in such a vulnerable position that they don't even know their rights to ask for them.

Powerful countries do the same with developing and under-developed countries. They dictate their demands, and even enforce them when necessary. They use the weakness and poverty of those countries for their own benefits. They don't bother with big words like "human rights", "equality", "justice", "world peace", …etc. As long as sabotaging those weaker countries secures their superior state, they will stop at nothing to reach their goals. They have the UN under their power. The have the veto. They can even break international resolutions, like the US did in its war on Iraq. Who can do anything about it? To hell with the international community, do they have any power to stop me?

People, like countries, can get drunk with power. We live in a sexist society, where men resemble Israel and women resemble Arabs. Every day Israel takes more lands from Arabs. It can kill them and bomb their homes at any time. Then those Arabs will simply yell and scream, jump up and down, but what can they do about it? They will go to the Security Council? So what? The former Israeli prime minister, Menachem Begin , once said it: "As long as the Arabs haven't learned to stand in a line, they don't pose any threat to us". Meaning that Arabs will never see the true reasons behind their weakness. They can't see that they're weak cause they don't work on improving themselves. They are just begging for justice from other powerful countries. They worship their leaders although they humiliate them. They don't value time or hard work. They are far from scientific thinking and organized action. Such people can wait thousands of years for a miracle to liberate them, but they don't even deserve this miracle.

Women likewise will never receive liberation from their oppressors who thrive upon all the advantages they derive from their superior position. As long as they have got all the power in their hands they will never give any of it up, but will always seek to gain more. Unless women stand up on their feet, define their weaknesses and work on improving their condition, they will never gain any of their rights. Begging for our rights won't lead us anywhere. Only slaves liberated slaves, and only women can liberate women. No one can feel your pain except a woman like you. But the endless waiting for a miracle.. waiting for men to change.. waiting for society to change.. waiting for an upper hand all the time.. waiting, waiting, waiting, will only make us weaker and cause us to lose the respect of society. Are you happy with being the doll you are? If no, then get up and do something about it. Wake up women!.. It's too late already!

On Marriage and Slavery

Wife and servant are the same,
But only differ in the name.
_ Lady Mary Chudleigh

It's true. And it is amazing that when it comes to this fact, wives of today are no different than those of the Middle Ages. By signing a marriage contract, a woman is signing her bond of slavery. Although the terms are not written, yet every woman knows them and works on fulfilling them. The title Mrs. Nobody doesn't come for free. A wife throws away her human rights at the doorstep of her husband's home. She then becomes a lifelong servant, offering her services for free. She will cook, clean, do the laundry, wash the dishes, make the bed, sweep the floor, prepare dinner for his guests, sews his buttons, iron his shirts, sends his suits to the dry clean, arranges his messy side of the closet, buys him underwear, … an endless list.

This does not imply that the husband has no role to play at home. Who eats what she cooks? Who leaves the dirty dishes on the table to fly to the kitchen sink? Who throws his dirty clothes all over the room? Who eats snacks in front of TV and leaves the bits for insects (he doesn't forget to feed them, poor creatures)? Who turns every place he uses for 5 minutes into a mess which needs a day to clean? Who stains the carpets? Who keeps demanding beverages while sitting on the couch? Come on.. he doesn't stop doing things all day. And wait.. it doesn't stop here. Of course we won't forget his favorite hobby.. criticism! "This meat is too hard, where did you get it from?" "The rice isn't well cooked!" "Where are my brown socks?" "Is the white shirt still in the laundry?" "What took you so long? I'm starving." "You've gained weight." "Why don't you take care of yourself as you used to before marriage?" Bla bla bla bla..

Doesn't matter what career a woman has. She can be a doctor, engineer, scientist, whatever.. but she has to be a good housekeeper before all that. Her career, no matter how prestigious, no matter how successful she is at it, will always be secondary.. not only to her husband, but to the patriarchal society he represents. If she is not a good servant, she is not a good wife. Her job is seen as leisure, a thing to pass the time when her husband is out at work, a bless she should thank her husband for approving of. Cause marriage also entitles the ownership of the wife by her master. He can give her the gift of having a job and he can take it away if he thinks that he's not getting the quality of service he desires. He therefore never encourages his wife to take her work seriously (if she happens to work). The rules for this leisure are set from the beginning: she can't stay late at work (preferably arrive home before him), she must take the kids to school in the morning (doesn't matter of she arroves late at work everyday), she isn't allowed to travel, she must return home full of energy to go on with her chores, she can't attend training in the afternoon, she can't take work with her to complete at home… etc. How can any person succeed with all those limitations?

There is no way better to end this post than this: "Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder." _ Thornton Wilder

Your Guide to Dating an Egyptian Man

Types of Egyptian Men:

The Pathetic Pretender
All men are pretenders. They usually show a face which hides its total opposite. They can't show their true colors, cause they are too weak to do so. Their inflated egos are another reason why they are never straight. They simply can't take rejection. That's why they would go round and round before they express their interest in you. They just can't handle it if you say Thanks, not interested. They take it as a personal insult. How dare you reject him? That's why they just keep wasting time, and when things don't work, they come up with all the pathetic excuses to ease their ballooned egos! Poor Bastards!

The Lousy Actor
He plays the most horrible romantic roles while his eyes are on the prize. If you are still as naïve as to think that there is really a romantic guy, like those you see in movies, then I'm sorry to break the news. Just as there is no Santa, there is no such a man. I happened to be buying some stationary on Valentine's Day when I met a guy who is so full of himself. He just stepped in and said to the vendor, I want something nice, beautifully wrapped and doesn't exceed 20 EGP! He then moved on to talk to his friend, and whenever the vendor called on him to ask his opinion about an item she holds in her hands, he just waves to her and says Anything, anything. And to complete my amusement, his poor girlfriend called while he stood right in front of me. They seemed to be confirming their Valentine's date, and he just kept pouring words of how he can't wait to meet her and how special she is. Yeah, hell..

The Mentally Retarded
I said all men are pretenders; I don't have to repeat it on every line. Those cavemen who hold the brains of their great great great grandfathers are usually the ones who keep talking about daring subjects and radical thoughts. They will take about women rights and how girls are misunderstood, bla bla bla.. Only so you wake up on the ugly reality: he is mentally sick! He wants to believe that he has his own personality, but he is empty, just parroting stuff that he knows would appeal to a stylish girl. As things develop he will won't stop giving you one cultural shock after another. Black comedy!

The Featherless Peacock
Oh, the guy who fell in love with himself, therefore he has no room for anyone else. He just thinks that he's God's gift to the world. However, you'll shortly find out that this peacock has no feathers. His personality is as lacking as his mind. He might look handsome, be popular, athletic, funny, but with no brain. Just a useless bird which can't even fly!

The Know-it-all
Many of you have seen him. A talking machine about almost every topic that anyone can think of, he will never stop proving that he is Mr. Know-it-all. And therefore he imposes his views, decides for you, criticizes your actions and thoughts, interrupts your conversations, makes fun of your ideas, undermines your success, and would never admit you were right about anything. He constantly feels he is in a competition with you before anybody else. He will do anything to make you live in his shadow, and will give you no chance to speak up your mind. He is scared whenever you show any sign of intellectual freedom or independence, cause he wants to be your one and only reference. He is never sick of giving advice which he takes for granted that you must follow. Ugh, what a pain in the ***!

The Boring Stalker
Most guys will bore you to death after the first few dates. After the talk about themselves is over (which they do persistently and quickly to satisfy their egos) they will just keep talking about anything. Yeah, those who say girls are talkative try to see a man on a date. I bet you to catch a glimpse of the girl talking. The talking won't stop by the end of the date. No, no, it just keeps getting worse. Phone stalking.. Good morning calls, good afternoon calls, good evening calls, good night calls, how do you do calls, did you reach your home calls, what are you doing now calls. Calls, calls, calls.. Endless calls.. And even more calls.. SMSs all day long.. He will keep stalking you all day in this way. He feels that if he leaves you for one hour, you might have time with yourself when you will think and maybe evaluate the relationship. So, he has to distract you all the time. He wants to make your whole day revolve around him, in the hope to make you addicted. Then if there is a day when one of the 1000 calls didn't arrive you will go insane, and that's how he can cut you off the drug as punishment whenever he wants. Who needs this for God's sake?

The Perverted Preacher
The double-faced serpent, who will preach about morals and values while he enjoys himself in the dark.. He is mostly the one looking for a serious relationship. He will use a serious voice tone, talk about religion, about his dream of a happy family, about how disciplined he is. This is a type that is very common nowadays, especially with most girls now being veiled. He thus gains her trust and then demand further things: no male friends, no female friends whom he thinks aren't good enough, no going out without his permission (Yeah, he plays the role of her father), no clothes that are tight, (I even heard an incident which included no internet!) and on goes the list of orders. If she shows to be obedient, he might be generous enough to make her Mrs. Perverted Preacher. This poor girl will only find out about his other life too late.

The Loser
He never attends his classes, never reads a book, never reads a newspaper, never talks about anything of subject, and never intends to do anything serious with his life. He's the dandy cool guy, who throws tomorrow behind his back. He will switch from one girl to another just to pass the time. If a serious girl ever decides to have a relationship with him, he will have absolutely nothing to offer her but disappointment. You can never ask him about the future. The word "plan" doesn't exist in his dictionary. And time is of no value. He just wants to have fun (as opposed to Cindy Lowper's famous song). You will be gloomy if you keep reminding him of his failures. He will never change. And if you marry him, get ready to afford for him and raise him up with your children. He will never grow up and no matter how old he gets, he will continue to be an irresponsible kid. With the number of losers increasing, a lot of recently married couples depend on the wife as the bread earner.

The Thief
Today's thieves won't snatch your purse, they will try to date you instead. It is amazing how many couples I know in which the girl allows herself to be robbed by her boyfriend! She will pay the bills at the cafes, buy cinema tickets, get his mobile recharge cards, lend him cash, buy him clothes, gets him presents … etc. Sorry girls, but your boyfriends are only thieves! To avoid this early enough never date a guy who is socially beneath you in first place. Watch out for any signs of miserly behavior. If he takes you to cheap places, orders the cheapest items on the menu, rings you to call him back, use his work phone to call you during the day and avoids evening calls, makes up excuses for not attending events or buying presents... etc. Never offer to pay a bill in full. Never buy him expensive gifts. Never ever give him your credit card!

A Combination of Two or More of the Previous Types

Thought it was bad enough so far? No, it just keeps getting worse!

As you can see, it is like a cat searching for dinner in a trash can. Whatever she ends up with, is still trash!